Article Discussion: Bar and Bat Mitzvah No-shows Crashers Non-RSVPs Play Havoc with

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April 10, 2009 at 4:10 pm #737

admin

Click here to read the article: Bar and Bat Mitzvah No-shows Crashers Non-RSVPs Play Havoc with

April 16, 2016 at 3:33 pm #21785

Hayley

So here’s a question. My son is having his bar mitzvah in a month and we have received invitations to several of his Hebrew school classmates bar and bat Mitzvahs this year. Usually, it is just his name on the envelope, which is fine as we don’t know those particular parents that well – just to say hi. But there have been at least two occasions where we have received an invitation for just three out of five members of our family: my husband, me, and our son, with whom the bar/bat mitzvah child is friendly. Our two other children, who are 12 and 14, have been left off the list. I am remarried, and my two step children were raised Christian when they were little, and while they are half Jewish, they do not attend Hebrew school, so people often forget about them. But they live with us full time (their mom died), and they come with us to temple for high holy day services, and for all intents and purposes, they are truly my children along with my own biological son. Two times this year, they have been left off the guest list, by good family friends. They are the same age as the kids at the party, so I’m not sure why they would be left out, but it rankles me as it separates them apart from the Jewish side of our family. I don’t want to pressure our family friends to include them (these are huge expensive events, so you have to cut people out somewhere- I get that.) Bit I really think that it is not right to split up a family, especially where all of the kids are the same age. I made sure to include all members of everyone’s families, even if the older kids are in the college!

So what is the etiquette on this one? Shouldn’t people be including all members of our family if they are inviting us parents and our one son? Am I being too sensitive because I want to make sure that people know that we come as a whole package? Should I say anything to my friends who invited us? The first one, we parents opted not to go, and just sent our son. But the second one, coming up in the summer, is an invitation from dear friends of mine from before my second marriage. We haven’t seen much of them since I remarried 5 years ago- life gets busy, but I still feel close to them. What to do???

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