Article Discussion: Dating Jewish Men: An Interview with Emily Comisar and Sarah Pumroy

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This topic has 4 voices, contains 4 replies, and was last updated by  Debbie B. 1697 days ago.

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April 26, 2010 at 4:00 am #4569

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Click here to read the article: Dating Jewish Men: An Interview with Emily Comisar and Sarah Pumroy

April 26, 2010 at 4:50 am #4570

Debbie B.

I’m curious as to the Jewish observance levels of the families of these young women. I suspect that there is a strong correlation between the level of observance and the degree to which a Jew tends to prefer Jewish dates due to overall comfort level—not just bias based on the label “Jewish”.

April 27, 2010 at 3:12 pm #4575

Andrea Carneiro

I would tend to disagree, but I can only speak from my own experience. I came from a pretty observant family, went to Jewish day school, was surrounded by Jewish friends and ended up marrying a non-Jew despite all of that. I literally married the only non-Jew I had ever dated. But I may be the exception?

April 27, 2010 at 4:06 pm #4577

Stephanie B.

Whether or not these ladies marry a Jewish man, by the simple fact that they are Jewish will make the children as well – so there will always be a connection there. That they aren’t religious at all probably won’t change much if they marry someone Jewish or not, so if they aren’t inclinded to limit their options, no one should judge them.

As a convert myself, my FI had similar views to this and I had to tell him that our kids will always be whatever, from the simple fact that they are a bi-product of their parents. But if being Jewish meant a lot, then we were going to do it right. For him, that meant (and currently means) keeping a kosher home, going to services regularly (not just celebrating High Holidays), etc.

It’s always a challenge because his family is quite secular, and while we aren’t shomer Shabbat, it can still be annoying when folks want to have events on Saturdays or in all likelihood, there’ll be no kosher food for us to eat, etc.

April 28, 2010 at 5:27 am #4587

Debbie B.

Andrea,

Actually, I know of a number of Jews who married the only non-Jew they ever dated. It is not a surprising situation for Jews who never expected to marry a non-Jew and may even have tried to resist it when they fell in love with a non-Jew. But I wasn’t thinking of someone like that, but rather the Jews who date a lot or even mostly or only non-Jews. It just seemed that the casual attitudes toward interdating of the interviewees seemed to mirror their casual attitudes toward religion. If religion isn’t that important to them, then I would agree that it doesn’t make much sense to put a very high priority on that factor when looking for a date or husband.

I didn’t mean to be judgmental, but only to think that since very observant Jews’ lives revolve much more around Jewish observance, that they would feel less like they could have the Jewish lives they wanted with a non-Jewish spouse who might not share most of that with them. I was just thinking to myself recently that my husband would never have thought to date me if he hadn’t been trying out a more secular life at the beginning of college. Luckily for both of us, when he got back to into Jewish observance, even before we married, I was interested in learning and becoming more involved myself. My ritual and spiritual life kept becoming more seriously Jewish until I finally converted many years after we were married.

But I was only talking about correlation. There are always exceptions, and I admit my idea might be totally wrong. The flip side of this is that it annoys me when people assume that intermarriage always indicates a lack of interest in Judaism on the part of the Jewish spouse. “Many” or even “most” seldom means “all”. I know some very committed Jews who are intermarried.

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