Article Discussion: Turning Off the Autopilot

Birger,

I admire the fact that both you and your wife make important life decisions “with intention”. That is a good way to have a healthy marriage whether interfaith or not. I think for this reason that good interfaith marriages sometimes have an advantage in that it is clear from the beginning that the two individuals have some differences in backgrounds and beliefs. That makes them more sensitive to the other person’s feelings because they are less likely to take things for granted.

I also wondered about the reaction of Juliet’s Modern Orthodox congregation. One factor that helps is that since the Jewish parent is the mother, the son is simply a Jew by birth. If the son had not been circumcised, that could have caused rejection by the community.

I know a bit about the MO synagogue that I think Juliet attends if it is in Berkeley where their wedding took place. When I was first married, we lived in Berkeley and I used to carpool with a member of that congregation. I would have expected any Orthodox congregation, even that relatively “liberal” one to be critical of any member who married a non-Jew, but I suppose some people would expect that of my own traditional, although egalitarian, minyan, and they were very welcoming of my family and the one other intermarried family.

There may be issues in the future when Birge’s family must deal with other Jewish institutions such as day school or Jewish summer camp. For example, although my Lesbian Orthodox friends found a welcoming Orthodox congregation, two Orthodox day schools rejected the application of their daughter due to their non-traditional family structure. Luckily they are very happy with the day school that accepted her.

I hope Birge’s family continues to find acceptance by Jewish groups.