Need support for being disowned

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This topic has 3 voices, contains 2 replies, and was last updated by  lgordon 6 years ago.

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September 10, 2011 at 1:32 am #6109


Hi guys,

Well, it finally happened after about a year of agony – my fiancee’ told his Orthodox parents that he had set a date to marry a Conservative convert and they declared him dead to them, along with a painful slew of insults that will be the last thing they ever say to him. He is pretty sure this is for good. The are ba’alei teshuva and hard liners. Long story short, he is really needing to hear something other than, “Eff your parents,” and something from other people who were in the same situation.

If you are out there, I would appreciate you contacting me either privately or publicly.

Thank you

September 12, 2011 at 10:29 pm #6113


well, i’m not going to state what a lot of people are already thinking. but i will say that your fiance’s parents are making a huge mistake and they will regret it as time goes on. they only see what they want to see, and their hostile attitudes make me wonder if they love their religion more than their son. i will tell you right now there is absolutely nothing wrong with a Conservative (or even Reform) conversion, and i commend you for converting. there will always be people who will tell you your conversion isn’t valid, but why would you want to associate with people like that? i certainly wouldn’t.
you mentioned your fiance’s parents become BT’s. although you converted to Judaism, you did not convert Orthodox so they still view you as a Gentile. of course, this sentiment could also be shared by less observant Jews as well.
right now, you and your fiance are dealing with a very painful and unfortunate situation. i don’t know where you’re located, but you need a support system. i don’t know if there are support groups for people who have been disowned by family for religious reasons, but try doing a search on the internet. you might also want to visit your local Chabad (if one is located near you). while they are Orthodox, they welcome Jews of all backgrounds. as for his parents, they’ve got a lifetime of misery to look forward to unless they change their attitude. good luck.

September 15, 2011 at 2:00 am #6123


Well I did you one better. I came from an orthodox background and told my parents i was marrying a catholic. My father had a heartattack the next day and disowned me. As time went on and they realized i wasn’t going to change my mind they softened but were never welcoming to my wife. when we had our daughter the s—t hit the fan again. Ultimately my wife became there favorite in-law and all of my siblings that married within the faith wound up divorced. My advice would be to go on with your plans,love and support each other and live your life. Its not without pain but as the other responder stated if they love the religion more then you its their loss. Mazel tov

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