When my husband read an early draft of this essay, he asked, "Why doesn't her partner have to support our daughter? After all, they agreed to raise children as Jews." What does it mean to raise a Jewish child?Go To Parenting
Israeli leaders like Binyamin Netanyahu sometimes excoriate intermarriage as a grave threat to the Jewish people, which is easy to do in a country with a majority Jewish population. But Israel also has another leg up on preventing intermarriage: a Jew cannot legally marry a non-Jew in Israel.
According to the Israeli newspaper Ha’aretz, a number of mixed and non-Jewish couples are suing the state to compensate them for their “expense and anguish” because they have to travel out of the country to get married. Under Israeli law, only a man and woman of the same religion can marry each other, and they can only get married by an official religious authority. In Israel, the official Jewish religious authority is Orthodox. Unlike in the U.S., there is no such thing as civil marriage by someone other than a rabbi, priest or imam.
There are more young Orthodox Jews than either young Reform or young Conservative Jews, says a study coming out this week, according to a Nathaniel Popper article in the Forward. Says the article:
Some links for y’all:
The Reform movement is often praised–or villified, depending on what circles you’re in–for its 1983 decision to recognize the children of non-Jewish mothers and Jewish fathers as Jews. It is rightly considered a watershed moment in the Jewish community’s response to intermarriage, and is a major reason why most affiliated interfaith families are members of Reform synagogues.
As important as that 1983 decision was, the Reform movement was not the first Jewish movement to officially recognize the legitimacy of patrilineal descent. The Reconstructionist movement made a similar decision–15 years earlier.
Not sure why I hadn’t thought of sharing this yet, but we wrote this article on marketing Jewish day schools to interfaith families for RAVSAK, the Jewish Community Day School Network. It will be published in their issue coming out in December, I believe. It’s specifically targeted to the boards and administrators of Jewish community day schools, so forgive the somewhat-dry language.
How to market community day schools to interfaith families
Of the estimated 500,000 children in intermarried households, only 5,400 (Kotler-Berkowitz, 2005), or barely more than 1 percent, attend Jewish day school. So clearly there is growth potential in the intermarried market.
When thinking about marketing to interfaith families, the most important thing to keep in mind is that interfaith families who are considering a Jewish day school education are probably not very different from inmarried families considering a Jewish day school. As Jennifer Rudin-Sable, the former Jewish life coordinator at the Rashi School in Boston has said, “Inter-faith and intra-faith families are much more similar than they are different and… the key to bringing them into our community is not identifying ‘who or what’ they are but rather identifying ‘where’ they are and ‘what they need’ to take the next step in their journey.” There is no magic bullet to reaching this diverse market; the best advice we can offer is to make sure your advertising and marketing materials emphasize your acceptance of the children of interfaith families.
We recently received a video from the Robert I. Lappin Charitable Foundation, based in Boston’s North Shore. We’ve talked about the Lappin Foundation before; they fund and manage some great programs for interfaith families, but their spokespeople never miss an opportunity to denigrate intermarriage. This new video is no different. Called “Journey of Faith,” it’s meant to be a “trigger for discussion” on intermarriage and conversion to Judaism. It’s being distributed for free, and intended for “conversion classes, interfaith outreach programs, Introduction to Judaism courses, adult education courses, teen dialogue about dating, marriage and family, pre-marital counseling and training for clergy and Jewish communal workers.”
A little more than 10 minutes long, “Journey of Faith” features Doug and Jodi Smith of Marblehead, Mass. Doug was born Catholic and Jodi was born Jewish, but after almost 10 years of marriage, Doug decided to convert to Judaism in 2005. His reason for converting is pretty simple: he wanted to feel a “full” member of his family’s Conservative synagogue. He says he was especially struck at the 2005 High Holidays, when he saw his daughter on the bima and knew he couldn’t join her.
This week’s Sunday New York Times had a beautifully written piece in its Style section by a secular Jewish woman who is in love with an atheist non-Jewish Irishman. Called “When a Relationship Carries the Weight of History,” it’s about a very particular, very common kind of modern Jew who is unsure about the existence of God–and therefore uncomfortable with religious ritual–but is certain about the importance of the Holocaust. Lauren Fox, the author, says:
Yesterday I attended a fascinating meeting of the Interfaith Collaborative–the group of professionals who conduct outreach to interfaith couples and families in the Greater Boston area and meet on a regular basis. This session, the first of its kind for the group, involved presentations by representatives of two Jewish cemeteries. If you thought that interfaith family issues end when life ends… think again.
Another month, another casually great column from Julie Wiener at The Jewish Week.
In this month’s column on intermarried life, Wiener talks about “The Promise,” that vague commitment to raise the kids Jewish that non-Jewish partners often make to their Jewish spouses-to-be. (I had a conversation with my fiance on this very issue two weeks ago.)
Arnold Eisen, the incoming chancellor of the Jewish Theological Seminary, one of two main rabbinical schools of the Conservative movement, had something positive to say about intermarried families in a recent Q&A in the Journal News, a newspaper in Westchester County, New York:
It’s a brief statement in an interview that attempts to cover a lot of ground. We haven’t seen any more detailed policy statements on intermarriage from Eisen since he was elected chancellor, but here’s what he wrote for us a few years ago about what the Jewish communal response to intermarriage should be. It’s not clear whether his position is different now that he is steeping into one of the key seats of authority in the Conservative movement.