When my husband read an early draft of this essay, he asked, "Why doesn't her partner have to support our daughter? After all, they agreed to raise children as Jews." What does it mean to raise a Jewish child?
A great way for Jewish professionals and volunteers who work with and provide programming for people in interfaith relationships to locate resources and trainings to build more welcome into their Jewish communities; connect with and learn from each other; and publicize and enhance their programs and services.
It’s not a full sea change in thinking; the schools won’t accept all patrilineals, only those who convert by Bar/Bat Mitzvah age. That’s not the same as the Reform and community day school policy, which accepts children of non-Jewish mothers and Jewish fathers without any conversion conditions.
But it is a very positive development, nonetheless, showing there’s some substance behind United Synagogue Executive Vice President Jerome Epstein’s speech last year announcing a movement-wide initiative to welcome and engage intermarried families.
In Jonathan Tobin’s recent column on the debate over outreach, he set up a dichotomy between inreach and outreach, which is a common tactic of outreach opponents and skeptics. But a development like this collapses the categories; it shows that an exalted form of inreach, the Jewish day school, can also be a form of outreach. It simultaneously socializes Jewish kids together while giving the children of intermarried parents a strong Jewish identity.
We will keep you updated on the progress of this story, because it’s not set in stone that the Solomon Schechter schools will decide on the issue. In March, the former head of the Jewish Theological Seminary, Rabbi Ismar Schorsch, urged the movement’s summer camps to change their policy on patrilineals but no action has been taken.
The 2005 Boston Jewish Community Study continues to have legs, showing up in a Dec. 4 story in Boston University’s school newspaper, The Daily Free Press. In it, the reporter, Shari Rabin, quotes and paraphrases quotes from the head of BU’s Hillel House that are so noxious and wrong-headed that I wonder if they’re true. Given that the story claims that Jews make up “one-fifth of the world’s” population, I’m not sure how seriously I should take the following passage:
Rabbi Joseph Polak, the executive director of Boston University’s Hillel House, was skeptical of the survey’s view of Jewish demographics.
“The Jewish community in America is hemorrhaging beyond your wildest imagination,” he said. “We are 50 percent of the number we were in 1960.”
Polak said the population increase includes many Jews whose commitment to the faith is questionable, including the children of Jews and their non-Jewish and converted spouses.
Although he said it is impressive that converts want to join the Jewish community, Polak said he is unsure about how serious they are about passing on the faith.
There’s been an interesting confluence of events over the past several weeks that raise the question, “Who’s Jewish?”
First there was the media firestorm about comedian Michael Richards, the beloved Kramer from the TV show Seinfeld, having made racist comments at an LA comedy club. Other than being horrified as I assume most others were, I didn’t pay much attention to that news blitz, until reports started coming out that Richards’ publicist was saying that Richards considered himself to be Jewish. As reported in the Houston Chronicle, for example, Richards, though not born of Jewish parents and not having converted to Judaism, “believes in the tenets of Judaism and considers himself Jewish.” Other than a first reaction questioning whether it would be a good thing if Richards were Jewish, I didn’t pay much attention to that issue either, until a bloggers’ blitz started up arguing that Richards could not be Jewish if his parents weren’t and he hadn’t converted.
That reminded me that at InterfaithFamily.com we hear many comments, usually from non-Jewish parents who are raising their children as Jews, along the lines of “I feel a little bit Jewish” or “I feel more and more Jewish as time goes by” or “I’m sort-of Jewish, aren’t I?” Rabbi Kerry Olitzky wrote a wonderful article for our Web Magazine, Doing the Conversion “Two-Step”, also included in our book, explaining how many people experience a “conversion of the heart” long before they formally convert, if indeed they ever do. Continue reading →
I was talking with Nate Bloom, the world’s premier expert on Jewish celebrities (no joke), the other day, about a new column he will be writing for us on intermarried celebrities and celebrities from interfaith backgrounds, and he tipped me off on two good stories about celebrities with interfaith heritage.
One is Miriam Schor, the Jewishly knowledgeable star of ABC’s new comedy Big Day, which uses the real-time format of 24 to look at the final day before the wedding. Check out this excerpt from a story in the Sept. 2006 issue of the San Diego Jewish Journal (my old employer):
The actress was raised Jewish by the insistence of her non-Jewish mother who had married her Jewish father. “That was odd, but nice. I would not be considered Jewish by some, but I have a different take on religion,” Shor said. “The history of my relatives is as much a part of my belief system as much as someone who sits in a church or synagogue and tells me what I am.”
The other is Jorma Kaukonen, the lead guitarist for Jefferson Airplane, who was born to a Jewish mother and non-Jewish father. His story is a fascinating one; he wasn’t raised with much religion, but when he met a spiritually seeking Catholic woman–and married her–they both began researching Judaism. It eventually led to her conversion and his increased observance. Jacob Berkman’s terrific profile of Kaukonen appeared in the March 9, 2006, issue of the New Jersey Jewish Standard.
Jonathan Tobin, the editor of Philadelphia’s Jewish Exponent, has written a thoughtful but flawed column on the debate over intermarriage and outreach funding for the Jerusalem Post.
I don’t have a lot of time to respond to his arguments–which are well-thought out and well-argued, as all of Tobin’s writing is–but the essential point seems to be that he fears that all the talk of outreach to intermarried families will overshadow the importance of programs that seek to socialize Jews (such as day schools, Jewish summer camps and birthright israel trips), and the Jewish community will suffer. To his credit, he isn’t against outreach and he feels that the recent survey results from Boston suggest that outreach may be successful. The problem is, he seems to see the message of outreach–and its primary purveyors, like InterfaithFamily.com–as an exclusive one, a message that seeks to denigrate efforts to encourage inmarriage.
For the record, IFF has never denigrated inmarriage, encouraged intermarriage or criticized inreach programs like he discusses. Neither have the Reform movement, the Reconstructionist movement or the Jewish Outreach Institute, which Tobin presumable would include in the “outreach lobby” he refers to. Continue reading →
The great majority of interfaith couples raising their children as Jews plan on participating in celebrations of both Christmas and Hanukkah.
Some observers of intermarriage have cast a skeptical eye on this trend, arguing that interfaith families can’t raise their children as Jews and celebrate Christmas, but the results of this survey suggest that they can. Continue reading →
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