Our updated booklet, Weddings For The Interfaith Couple, walks you through all of the traditions for the big day, starting with two to think about in advance (choosing a wedding contract known as a ketubah and topics to consider when meeting with your wedding officiant).
The Voices & Visions™ program elicits the power of art to communicate great Jewish ideas. The project aims to inspire conversation, instill pride, and spark creativity among diverse audiences and ages. It is co-sponsored by the PJ Library® program.
As parents, we have expectations about what our children will be like when they grow up. Sometimes it's hard to accept our children's choices, especially when they fall in love with and decide to spend their life with someone who grew up in a different faith tradition.
A great way for Jewish professionals and volunteers who work with and provide programming for people in interfaith relationships to locate resources and trainings to build more welcome into their Jewish communities; connect with and learn from each other; and publicize and enhance their programs and services.
I am a day school kid. I didnâ€™t like learning Hebrew much but I didnâ€™t like school much either. I have some anxious Â memories of Hebrew verb conjugation from second grade in the 1970s. Through Jewish camps and youth groups, I learned to love Jewish music. I have since recovered from day school and have picked the parts of Judaism that I like and find that I am quite happy.
When it came time to think about a Jewish education for my own kids, I had some flashbacks. But I also have some fun memories. We would have lively gatherings of the Jewish kids in the community for various holidays. Later we had youth group activities and fun parties. I enjoyed being with the kids that I had known forever. I have many memories associated with Judaism that are not necessarily religious. I attended a leadership program in high school and much of it was just funâ€”the focus was not on religion but being a good person.
My husband and I have struggled with what to do for our own kidsâ€™education. We considered day school. We considered camp. We joined a synagogue with a reputable Hebrew school. We decided to enroll them in a Jewish camp. We celebrate the holidaysâ€”decorating a sukkah is a favorite for the kids (but tons of work for me and my husband). Everyone has their own path and we are navigating our way so that our kids enjoy Judaism.
I have spoken with many people who have had a Jewish education. They often say they hated Hebrew school or day school. Still, many of them enroll their children in Jewish schools. Though some Hebrew schools have made a great effort to ensure that the new generation of students have positive experiences, it makes me so sad that some Hebrew schools have turned people off to the joys of being Jewish.
So, for the future of the Jewish people, I encourage educators to make sure that kids are engaged in the Hebrew school experience. A fun Purim spiel can be entertaining for the whole family. Spirited music, cooking classes and dressing up in costume for holidays are all wonderful ideas. Letâ€™s encourage creative and fun ways to learn Hebrew. Decorate the sukkah and learn prayers with joy instead of dread.
Religious schools must bring Judaism into the 21st century in dynamic and fun ways. The educational system of the 1950s will not ensure the future of Judaismâ€”indeed, it can be detrimental. Many parents complain that their child seems to be a round peg and the Jewish educational system is trying to force the child into a square hole. A lackluster Jewish education will adversely affect the future of Judaism. Teachers and schools must adapt to the families of today, whether Conservative, Orthodox, Reform, interfaith, etc. Sensitivity to the families and kids is key. Accept families and kids where they are and help them on their own journey. Welcoming kids in the door and keeping them there with a smile on their face is crucial. The entire family should feel welcomed and engaged. Hebrew school should not be tortureâ€”there are so many positive aspects of Judaism and itâ€™s time to break the cycle.
Do you have a suggestion of something that your kids loved at their Hebrew School? Please post it in the comments below. Sharing your positive experiences is a great benefit to everyone.
If you have never taken your children to visit the Chicago History Museum, June 9 is your day.Â The Chicago History Museum is a gem for us in Chicago. Visitors of all ages will find Â stories, information about their city, and fun and interactive exhibits.Â The museum is featuring a very special exhibit at this time called Shalom Chicago.
Shalom ChicagoÂ features more than three hundred artifacts and images organized into three main sections:
The early community takes you back to the German Jewish community that began arriving in the 1840s. Rare artifacts from pre-fire Chicago and first-person accounts help tell their inspiring stories to a new generation.
The next phase takes us tothe 1910 garment workersâ€™ strike, a kosher food interactive and a rich array of ritual objects.
The last part called â€śNew Challenges and Opportunitiesâ€ť introduces visitors to Jewish Chicagoans who protested against Hitler and served in World War II. There is a concluding video which features members of todayâ€™s community.
On Sunday June 9, starting at noon, InterfaithFamily/Chicago is partnering with the museum to offer a Family Fun Day. All can enjoy an outdoor barbeque, play games and participate in meaningful craft projects. Whether you come by outside to make a â€śmoon jarâ€ť (come to see what this is!) and grab a slider or feel you have the bandwidth with young children to go through the actual exhibit that day or not, a question to consider is:
This exhibit features the history of Jewish Chicago, but what is the future of Jewish Chicago?
Without a doubt, interfaith families are a major facet of the future of Jewish life in Chicago. As interfaith families, how do you wish our communal organizations from synagogues to community centers to Jewish learning programs looked and felt, and what do you wish they focused on? What do you wish rabbis, educators and Federation leaders knew about your interfaith family and your commitments to bringing Jewish living and ideals to the rhythm of your life? Where could you use support and understanding? You are the future of Jewish Chicago!
We hope to see you Sunday, June 9. Come by and meet InterfaithFamily leadership and enjoy a great family day.
I recently attended the confirmation ceremony at a local congregation in the Bay Area. During the ceremony the students led the congregation in services, chanted the Ten Commandments from the Torah, and shared words of wisdom that they learned during their studies with the rabbi.
One student shared his understanding of (Progressive/Reform) Judaism. He explained, â€śJudaism is different than most other religions. There are two different aspects of it: The first are the traditional aspects, the praying and the beliefs; the second are the Jewish teachings and participation in the Jewish community. Although Judaism is based on a belief in one God, not all Jews actually believe in God. Those who believe in God tend to connect to Judaism through prayer and belief. Others are agnostic; they do not believe in God. They tend to connect to Judaism mostly through Jewish community and culture.â€ť
Judaism has room for those who believe in God, those who do not and those who struggle with their relationship with God. The ability to connect to Judaism either through belief or through community and culture allows for partners and spouses of Jews to fully participate in Jewish life, without converting to Judaism.
The beauty of Judaism is that each individual can find his/her own connection. They can decide what feels right and what their practice will include. For example, some Jews say the Shema every night before going to sleep. Others do not. Similarly, some parents who are not Jewish, but who have committed to raising their children with Judaism, say the Shema with their child every night (while others do not).
There are many options for your practice of Judaism. If you are a parent, check out our booklets, specifically â€śGood Night Sleep Tight,â€ť if youâ€™re interested in saying the Shema or other bedtime rituals. You may also be interested in our next Raising a Child with Judaism class for more ideas that you can incorporate into your family life. You may also find inspiration from others in our articles about growing up in an interfaith family.
Whether you connect through belief and prayer or community and culture, we welcome you!
Ellen Lippman, rabbi of Kolot Chayeinu in Brooklyn, has an important contribution in todayâ€™s Forward to the debate about admitting and ordaining as rabbis people in interfaith relationships, an issue weâ€™ve blogged about frequently. In an â€śopen letterâ€ť to her alma mater, Hebrew Union College, Rabbi Lippman, who is partnered with a person who is not Jewish, writes,
We are like the thousands of Jews across America who commit to strongly Jewish lives with their non-Jewish spouses. Interfaith families tell me that having a rabbi who mirrors their relationships makes an enormous difference to being able to commit to Jewish life.
Rabbi Lippman argues that an â€śinclusive vision of Jewish leadershipâ€ť means that â€śwe should not push away those who want to become leaders of the Jewish community as rabbis just because they are intermarried.â€ť And she argues that:
A rabbi is a role model, and there are many kinds of role models. Intermarriage is a fact of American Jewish life. We can do a better job of connecting intermarried Jews to synagogues, rabbis and Jewish life. One way is to knowingly ordain intermarried rabbis.
It will be fascinating to follow this issue as it is debated at HUC.
There is a great short podcast on the Jewish United Fundâ€™s website with an interview of Chelsea Clinton, who spoke at the Womenâ€™s Division Spring Event 2013. Cindy Sher, the terrific editor of the JUF News, makes a great initial comment: â€śyou became a member of the extended Jewish family when you married your husband Marc, so welcome to the Tribe.â€ť (We had a lot to say about Clinton’s wedding back in August 2010.) She then asks Chelsea â€śwhat are a couple of things you love most about Jewish religion or Jewish culture.â€ť Chelseaâ€™s answer highlights how important Marcâ€™s Judaism is to him, and says she loves how â€śheâ€™s so dedicated to ensuring that we start developing our own Seder traditions for Passoverâ€¦ so he feels like we ironed out all of the crinks before we are blessed to have children.â€ť It will be fascinating to watch this coupleâ€™s engagement with Jewish life and community as it develops in the future.
I attended an informative and provocative session at Limmud Philly. This conference is held in several major cities and is a usually a day or weekend of Jewish learning. The learning includes philosophy, prayer, entertainment and socializing. It is quite an event for those that like to think Jewish!
I attended a session entitled â€śWe Totally Accept You (Almost): Ritual and Leadership Roles in Synagogues.â€ť The participants learned about the Conservative, Reform and Reconstructionist perspectives regarding synagogue membership and prayers. Our presenter was InterfaithFamilyâ€™s own Benjamin Maron. Benjamin did a great deal of research regarding different synagogues and their policies regarding interfaith involvement.
I was fascinated by the discussion of prayers and who is allowed to say what from the bimah. Frequently synagogues limit the participation of the parent who is not Jewish. We discussed that the reason that some synagogues donâ€™t want the partner who is not Jewish to participate in the prayers at a Bar and Bat Mitzvah is that the translation of the prayers are things like: â€śWho has sanctified us through the mitzvotâ€ť and â€śWho has chosen us.â€ť The word â€śusâ€ť refers to the Jewish people, therefore, someone who isnâ€™t Jewish isnâ€™t allowed to participate.
I understand the principle of this â€“ Jews have been through a lot. Our ancestors have been persecuted in our efforts to practice our religion and we have worked hard to educate ourselves. Those that have had a bar or bat mitzvah know that there is a lot of work and education going into this process. We feel the need to hold fast to our religion. Will someone who isnâ€™t practicing Judaism threaten my Judaism by saying a prayer?
The children of many of my friends are becoming bar and bat mitzvah. I am familiar with the frequent scene of the parents and grandparents surrounding their young teenager, beaming with pride. I was thinking about this further. I know many families where the spouse does not practice Judaism but has agreed to raise the kids in Judaism. How do they feel during the blessings? Do they feel included, awkward, proud? Maybe a mixture of feelings and emotions? If there were a blessing from the parent who wasnâ€™t Jewish, what would that look like? Would it be sacrilege to bless your child in their arrival in their Jewish adulthood?
As a Jew, I want anyone standing on the bimah during a simcha to feel joy! I donâ€™t want anyone to feel excluded or simply tolerated. I want them to feel WELCOME! So now, I look at this from another perspective: the parent who is not Jewish, standing in front of the Jewish community, blessing this event is equivalent to saying, â€śI was not raised Jewish, but I am proud, thrilled, and elated that my child is entering into Jewish adulthood. I fully support this choice and my child.â€ť To me, this has great meaning and this concept strengthens the joy of the day. Here is this parent supporting their childâ€™s Jewish journey â€“ how great is that!?
Do I feel threatened that someone who isnâ€™t practicing Judaism is saying a prayer and including themselves in the Jewish community? Not at all. In fact, I am elated that this parent is allowing and encouraging their child to be Jewish! While I know some of the movements are having trouble â€śmovingâ€ť forward toward adapting to interfaith issues within our American society, it is critical that they work to keep those that want to be Jewish.
I will be attending two bar/bat mitzvahs this weekend, and I know that I will be thrilled to witness each child stepping into the role of being a Jewish adult. I love Judaism and am delighted to see someone make the choice to practice Judaism. I think that their parents should be allowed to bless their childâ€™s arrival into Jewish adulthood. And with that I say, Amen, Lâ€™chaim and WELCOME!