Jeremy Greenberg, a stand-up comic, has written an amusing, albeit perplexing, essay on “How Jesus Made Me a Better Jew” for American Jewish Life magazine. “Jesus first came to me in sixth grade through my friend’s older sister’s breasts,” he says.
Breasts aside, I was a prime candidate for receiving a Christendectomy. As a kid, being a Jew meant going to Sunday school instead of playing with my friends. It meant missing football practice and games during Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Until I graduated high school, Judaism was a religion based on separating me from my friends — me from who I wanted to be.
Additionally, I was part of a statistical reality only now becoming well known: Meshugener-ass Yid parents are the number-one cause of Christianity among Jews. Forget Tay-Sachs; we should be screened for parents who check your teeth for ham particles after having Christmas dinner at Scott Carlson’s house.
As he grew older, some combination of adolescent rebellion and personal role models who were Christian led him to baptize himself and email his parents, “I am Christian.”
But it didn’t take. “For months I felt ‘off’ both personally and professionally,” he says. Eventually, for reasons that aren’t remotely clear from his essay, he sets aside Jesus and reembraces his Jewish identity. How he does that is also not explained.
Maybe he found some Jewish body parts worth worshipping.
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