The Shabbat Excuse

SaraSeveral years ago, my son’s 4-year-old classmate Sara was diagnosed with cancer. All of the families at our pre-school were devastated by the news. It could have been any of us, but it was sweet little Sara. We wanted to help. We were desperate to do something—ANYTHING—to help. We knew they had tons of toys, food and prayers. My friend Robyn Cohen and I spent hours on the phone trying to process the horror of it all and we knew we needed to do something for the family. Yet, there wasn’t much to be done.

Finally, on a Thursday afternoon, Robyn and I had an idea. We attended a pre-school where every week there was a “Shabbat Star” (even though many families at the school were not Jewish). We decided that this was our excuse to do something for Sara and her family. Because of the 40 minute drive to the hospital, we needed to pace ourselves. Each family in the class would sign up to drive to the hospital and bring Shabbat to Sara and her family. Since it was already Thursday, I raced to the bakery and got a challah and Robyn found candles. I gave the goodies to my husband whose office was a little closer to the hospital. He would be the first of many “deliverers” of Shabbat.

“Hi Sara! Guess who is the Shabbat Star this week? YOU are!” My husband announced to Sara and her parents. Sara beamed at the sight of the Shabbat kit and challah. And that was the beginning of our new ritual. The parents took turns each week. The school provided the challah and Sara’s family knew that every Friday there would be a Shabbat visitor. I vividly remember one of my visits. Sara wanted to know what was going on at school and was so happy to receive the latest artwork from her classmates.

We were fortunate to realize that Shabbat was good for Sara and her family. It guaranteed a visitor on a steady basis. It gave Sara a familiar structure from preschool. But, in retrospect, it benefited ALL of the families that stood by praying for Sara. It gave us an excuse to stop by and a way to feel useful. It united all of the families by discussing who would be the “deliverer” next week. We were delivering challah, but really it was so much more. We were delivering Shabbat. Another week of chemo was complete. Another hurdle had been jumped. We were honored to be able to deliver a challah and a smile to Sara and her family.

Sara's smiles logoSara survived another 10 months and her family made sure that every day had a positive experience. There is now an organization called “Sara’s Smiles” through which Sara’s family strives to help other families “Lift the cloud and inspire the joy.” Shabbat was a small piece of this quilt of positivity in the face of tragedy. If you want to learn more, check out saras-smiles.org. This non-profit currently delivers “inspiration kits” of positivity and support to 14 pediatric hospitals in six states, and the number is growing every month.

If you know of a family struggling, I’d recommend the “Shabbat excuse.” It is an easy way to support a family going through a rough time. A little challah and a little ritual can go a long way. And if you know of a family dealing with childhood cancer, check out “Sara’s Smiles.” It is a wonderful legacy to a very special little girl and her family.

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The Temple Where I “Grew Up”

The other day I saw a rabbi I know post a YouTube link to one of my favorite versions of the prayer, Hashkiveinu. Hashkiveinu is one word in English but means, “Grant that we may lie down” in Hebrew. In Hebrew, prefixes and suffixes are attached to the word. It is a petitionary prayer to be able to lie down in peace at night and to return to renewed life the following day.

Rabbi Rothman

Rabbi Murray I. Rothman

The link on Facebook to the video caught my eye for two reasons: As I said, I love this musical rendition of this prayer. Also, this rabbi serves the congregation where I grew up, Temple Shalom of Newton, MA.

What does it mean to grow up at a synagogue? For me, I had heard stories from my dad about how his parents were among the earliest members. My dad had his Bar Mitzvah at this synagogue. I was named as an infant there. The senior rabbi at the time, Murray I. Rothman, of blessed memory, got my family through a horrendous time when my mother was struck by a car crossing the street in front of our house. My little brother was 1, my middle brother was 3 and I was a kindergartner. My mother could not get up the stairs of our house for almost a year. She was bedridden on a couch in our den. My father somehow managed the three of us. Neighbors and family came to the rescue. And Rabbi Rothman came to that den every Friday afternoon with a challah and a Torah commentary and studied a little Torah with my mom. This kept her going spiritually and emotionally.

What does it mean to grow up at a synagogue? I knew the halls of that place. I knew the smells, the classrooms, the chapel, the sanctuary, the bathrooms, the youth lounge, the social hall—I knew the building. My confirmation class photograph is on the wall there. In fact, I sat in the Rabbi’s study on more than one occasion philosophizing about God and Judaism (true, I was into this stuff, even as a kid). I felt at home there. I slept there in a sleeping bag on the floor as a teenager at a “shul-in.” I remember the Temple Shalom sukkah in detail even though the last time I helped decorate one was at least 20 years ago. I can still feel the pride I felt praying with my family in the sanctuary on the High Holidays, wearing my new dress. I can see my brothers as I write this, quietly folding the flyers and tickets into origami to keep occupied during the services.

Temple Shalom of Newton

Some say bricks and mortar don’t matter. Buildings are passé. We’ve got coffee houses now. Millennials don’t want to walk into synagogues. Too many barriers. A building fund is too onerous for members to carry. What’s important are the people. The community. This is also true. But, I loved that building and it went through changes and renovations and has a life of its own. I think one reason I felt so connected to the building was that I could walk there from my house. That is how we got to and from Hebrew School. It is rare today for kids to walk places by themselves (at least not as young as we used to). I loved that independence, and going to a place I felt was totally safe and mine.

What does it mean to grow up at a synagogue? It means you know the people. We knew the people who worked in the office, the maintenance crew, the teachers, the educators and the rabbis. These were the people who lived in the temple as far as I was concerned. They were the familiar faces who knew us by name. They were welcoming and warm. They kept the temple going. And, my friends were there. We came together from multiple public schools. We grew up there together. We came to one another’s Bar and Bat Mitzvah services. We had our parties in the synagogue social hall. My parents knew the other parents and the kids.

I learned to read Hebrew there. I may not have known how to translate each word into English but I learned to read the Hebrew prayers in Hebrew fluently by about fifth grade. I kept the old blue Gates of Prayer Book—the Reform Movement’s prayer book—on my nightstand growing up, which I received from Temple Shalom. A nameplate was placed in it for me at my Bat Mitzvah. I read the prayers to myself at night and they were a source of comfort.

My parents have now moved to Philadelphia to be near my little brother’s family. We have no ties to this building anymore. We don’t know many people who still go there. Yet, all these years later, when I see a Facebook post from Temple Shalom, it catches my eye. It makes me smile to see the new life that is there now. It is a part of me.

I marry lots of people who “grew up at an area congregation” but they left after their Bar or Bat Mitzvah. Maybe they have great and deep memories of being there. Maybe they barely remember their time there.

The only way one feels a sense of growing up in a synagogue is if you are there a lot and get really involved. I am thankful this was the case for me and my family growing up. It’s never too late to go back. It’s never too late to try a new congregation. Interfaith families are welcome at congregations, often with wide open arms.

Look through our listings for congregations that explicitly welcome interfaith couples and families, and check out this list of organizations hosting InterfaithFamily Shabbat events this month!

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InterfaithFamily Joins #GivingTuesday

Giving Tuesday Logo

InterfaithFamily has joined #GivingTuesday, a first-of-its-kind effort that began in 2013 and will harness the collective power of a unique blend of partners—charities, families, businesses and individuals—to transform how people think about, talk about and participate in the giving season. Coinciding with the Thanksgiving Holiday and the kickoff of the holiday shopping season, #GivingTuesday will inspire people to take collaborative action to improve their local communities, give back in better, smarter ways to the charities and causes they support and help create a better world.

Taking place December 2, 2014 – the Tuesday after Thanksgiving – #GivingTuesday will harness the power of social media to create a national movement around the holidays dedicated to giving, similar to how Black Friday and Cyber Monday have become days that are, today, synonymous with holiday shopping.

As our fundraising cause, InterfaithFamily has chosen our new initiative, providing Shabbat dinners to groups of individuals in IFF/Your Community cities who wish to join together for a Shabbat experience. IFF/Your Communities include: Boston, Chicago, Philadelphia, San Francisco Bay Area and Los Angeles. If you would like to participate in a Shabbat dinner but do not live in one of those regions, please contact us at network@interfaithfamily.com. To see what our first sponsored Shabbat dinner was like, read this recent blog post written by the hosts.

On December 2, we will be asking you to give to this cause via social media (but if you’re itching to throw a few bucks our way now, feel free!). You can find us on Facebook and Twitter.

Your contribution can provide something as simple as a challah for a Shabbat meal, or full meals for several interfaith families or couples who we will help bring together for an inclusive Shabbat experience.

Rabbi Robyn Frisch, Director of IFF/Philadelphia, who has gotten our Shabbat dinners off the ground in her neck of the woods, says: “Our Shabbat Dinner Program began in response to feedback from alumni of our classes and workshops. When we asked what kind of meaningful experiences we could help provide for them they suggested subsidized Shabbat dinners for interfaith couples and families. Several of them had already attended Shabbat dinners hosted by IFF/Philadelphia staff members and they loved the idea of starting to create Shabbat experiences of their own in their own homes. We are so excited to have this program where we are able to provide not just resources and support in planning the dinners but also financial support. And we love hearing about everyone’s Shabbat experiences.”

Seeing an opportunity to channel the generous spirit of the holiday season to inspire action around charitable giving, this initiative began with a group of friends and partners, led by the 92nd Street Y (92Y), who came together to find ways to promote and celebrate the great American tradition of giving. Thought leaders in philanthropy, social media and grassroots organizing joined with 92Y to explore what is working in modern philanthropy and how to expand these innovations throughout the philanthropic sector. The concept gained steam, and with the help of the United Nations Foundation and other founding partners, more than 10,000 organizations have joined the movement and are providing creative ways people can embrace #GivingTuesday and collaborate in their giving efforts to create more meaningful results.

“#GivingTuesday is a counter narrative to Black Friday and Cyber Monday because it reminds us that the spirit of the holiday giving season should be about community and not just consumerism,” said Kathy Calvin, CEO of the UN Foundation. “The most meaningful gift we can give our children, loved ones, friends and neighbors is the commitment to work together to help build a better world.”

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10 Months for 2

Jillian at camp

Jillian (center) during her days as a counselor at Eisner camp, with her campers

The need to belong is part of the human condition. We all want to feel a sense of home, we seek it out, we write songs and poetry about it and we hold on for dear life when we find it. I figured out how to belong to Judaism at camp.

My Jewish camp was the Union for Reform Judaism’s Joseph Eisner Camp in Great Barrington, MA. I still remember the first time I drove up to the gates, sick with nerves, worried if I could fit in. I also remember the tear-streaked ride home those two months later when I was grounded by such a deep sense of belonging the likes of which I had never felt before.

Each winter, as the countdown for those bright summer days began, we would throw around the term, “10 months for 2.” I suspect that if Twitter had existed in those days, it would have become my favorite hashtag. And this was the reality that we felt deep within our pre-teen and teenage souls; that we lived those ten other months of the year in exile, waiting to return to the holy land once more for those two precious months. Oh, how much we could cram into 60 days.

At camp, I could not only figure out who I was but I could also be anything. I lived in Jewish time and space, where days were marked with fun and creative prayer and song, where we interacted with Israelis on staff who taught us about Israel and connected us to the larger Jewish world, where we learned and shared a common vocabulary and sang familiar Jewish songs in a way I had never experienced at my home synagogue. And because we lived in Jewish time, swimming, arts and crafts, drama and every sport imaginable became part of our Jewish summer camp experience. We were given ownership over our religious experiences and we celebrated Shabbat (and I truly mean celebrated) each week with creativity, music, dance and our own words of gratitude and introspection. I didn’t even realize how much Jewish knowledge I had gained in these series of two months until I got home and realized I knew every melody and every prayer and wanted to teach them to my interfaith parents and my friends (even if they weren’t as keen).

I imagine we all have those transformative experiences in our lives, the ones we think back to regularly, which we credit for our personal growth and identity. Mine was Eisner Camp and I would hazard a guess that the large majority of my fellow campers and counselors would say the same, even though we have all chosen our own, different paths through life. My path led me to the rabbinate, to wanting to make Judaism as alive and vibrant every day as it felt during those summers, to help everyone who wanted to belong to Judaism and the Jewish community and to create connections and friendships that last a lifetime.

The impact that Eisner Camp had on my life is immeasurable because these ten years later, the mere thought of camp makes me smile and remember a million experiences, moments, songs, sounds and people. Writing this blog post alone reminds me of the hot sweaty perfect Friday night song sessions, the trials and tribulations of camp friendships and the moment my team won Maccabiah (color war). I wouldn’t be who I am without camp. I wouldn’t be a knowledgeable, engaged Jew—let alone a rabbi, and I certainly wouldn’t still feel like a little piece of my heart is living 10 months for 2.

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Do parents need to present a united front…about God?

Mychal's kids

Mychal's kids playing at the beach

Many parents avoid being divided on issues big and small with our kids. We particularly try to present a united front about discipline, decision making and responsibilities and attempt to not get triangulated. But what about God? Do we need to believe the same thing, or at least tell our kids we do? My partner and I don’t like lying to our kids…about anything. We don’t tell them things they can’t yet handle developmentally, but we don’t avoid the tough subjects when they ask.

So what about God? We are unique in that both of our work lives involve religion. Part of her job is teaching the history of Judaism and Christianity to college students. She is enticed by the history, texts and language of religion but her role is to deconstruct it. I am a rabbi who is drawn to the spiritual and I look for ways to see the divine in everyday life. Even though we both highly value religion and its study, we have very different approaches to theology.

So what do we tell the kids? We have decided that as we don’t lie to them about other things, we will not lie to them about God. I read them books about God, encourage thanking God before meals, and provide as many ways as I can for them to envision what God might be. I share with them my own theological struggles. My partner tells them that she believes humans created the idea of God and when talking about the Bible she refers to God as a character in the story. In all of these conversations, I make sure that our kids know that debating God doesn’t have anything to do with them being or feeling Jewish. Since there are myriad ways Jews define ourselves, belief is certainly not a litmus test. In fact, about half of American Jews report doubting God’s existence.

Why have my partner and I rejected the idea that we must agree theologically, or that we should pretend that we do?

First, no two individuals are alike in their beliefs. Why would we expect two parents to share a theological view? Sure, some do, or their visions of the divine are close enough to present one shared story to their children. But the great majority do not. It is not only parents from different religious backgrounds who struggle with this question. Two Jewish, Catholic or Muslim parents can easily hold radically differing theological views and most traditions hold within them disparate views of divinity as well.

Second, we believe that parents shouldn’t refrain from teaching kids what they think just because they don’t agree with one another. Children are far more capable of handling complexity than we imagine. I encourage parents to talk it through between them first, and then commence sharing with their children what they think about the big questions and even how views evolve and change over time. By doing so, we will be teaching them personal integrity, authenticity, and the Jewish values of intellectual and theological struggle. I think children can handle that complexity. What is tougher to handle is a lack of clarity when parents haven’t figured out how they are going to talk to them about their differences.

On a related note, I don’t believe that kids will be confused if they are exposed to many ways to think about God. For me, this goes beyond what they are learning from us as parents. My theological views often differ from their religious school teachers’ views. I wouldn’t expect them to talk about God exactly as I would. I engage my children about those views as well and ask them what they think. In our home, we talk about God and gender. We sometimes change liturgical language to fit our ideological or theological beliefs, such as excluding language in our Friday night Kiddush about Jews being the chosen people. I don’t believe that God acts in human history (as in God being our salvation in a battle). There are times when I disagree with how a movie, book or teacher presents God and I welcome those opportunities to refine how we communicate about belief as a family.

Last and most important, I want to teach my children about telling the truth. The value of trust is higher for me and my partner than anything else. If they find out someday that we misrepresented ourselves, they could question other things we had said along the way as well.  So we tell them our viewpoints, and we fess up when we aren’t sure.

The result?  At this moment, our kids approach God differently. Our 7-year-old made up a joke that God was walking around one day and the big bang blew him up. He says he doesn’t believe in God and often has much to say about the subject. Our 9-year-old thinks God exists but struggles with the Shema prayer because he really likes the polytheism of the Greek myths. Under the sukkah recently, we got into a philosophical discussion with them about whether there was some kind of matter present before the universe came into being or if it was born out of nothingness. Everyone had an opinion and struggled with the question. We are pleased. We aren’t teaching them what to believe, but they know how the two of us feel about God. We are teaching them how to think about their relationship to the world around them and giving them language to speak about it.

For further reading…

Children’s theological books:

God’s Paintbrush and God In-Between by Sandy Sasso

Because Nothing Looks Like God and Where is God? by Karen Kushner and Lawrence Kushner

For adults:

The Spiritual Life of Children by Robert Coles

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What We’re Thankful for this November

By the InterfaithFamily/Philadelphia Team (Robyn Frisch, Wendy Armon and Robin Warsaw)

InterfaithFamily Shabbat—which actually consists of not just one Shabbat, but this year, the entire month of November—is a time for being thankful. InterfaithFamily urges all of us to make November a month of “30 Days of Abundant Appreciation.”

In honor of InterfaithFamily Shabbat, here are 30 things we are thankful for:

1)      The generous individuals and foundations that fund the important work that we do, including The Lasko Foundation, The Rubenstein Foundation and The Jewish Federation of Greater Philadelphia.

Shabbat

Shabbat dinner at Rabbi Robyn Frisch's house with folks involved with IFF/Philadelphia's classes and workshops

2)      The individuals and couples who use our clergy referral service to find Jewish clergy to officiate at their lifecycle events and who come to us for support and counseling.

3)      The parents (both Jewish parents and those of other faiths) of interfaith couples who honor and respect their children’s choices and engage in meaningful and productive conversation.

4)      The rabbis and cantors we refer for lifecycle events for interfaith couples and families.

5)      The synagogues and organizations that list their events on our online Network so that interfaith couples and families can find welcoming places in the Jewish community.

6)      Our fantastic InterfaithFamily Wedding Bloggers (who are also IFF/Philadelphia “Love and Religion” workshop alumni) Matt Rice (who married his wife Shannon in November 2013) and Sam Keefe and Anne Goodman (who were married in October 2014) for sharing their stories.

7)      The members of our IFF/Philadelphia Facebook Group for posting about upcoming events, sharing their thoughts and supporting the interfaith community online.

Shabbat dinner

IFF/Philadelphia's first participant-hosted InterfaithFamily Shabbat dinner

8)      The interfaith couples who have shared their stories with us and with each other in our “Love and Religion” workshops.

9)      The alumni of our “Raising a Child With Judaism in Your Interfaith Family” classes and “Love and Religion” workshops who have hosted Shabbat Dinners subsidized by InterfaithFamily.

10)   The parents who have participated in our online “Raising a Child With Judaism in Your Interfaith Family” classes—those who grew up Jewish and those who did not—who have seriously explored how to include Jewish practices and values in the lives of their families.

 

Raising a Child Shabbat dinner

Rabbi Robyn Frisch with class participants and their children sharing Shabbat dinner at Wendy Armon's

11)   Tami Astorino, the fantastic facilitator of IFF/Philadelphia’s online “Raising A Child With Judaism In Your Interfaith Family” classes and in-person “Love and Religion” workshops for interfaith couples, for her ability to stimulate important and sometimes difficult discussions and to honor and inspire the participants in her classes and  workshops.

12)   All of the organizations that IFF/Philadelphia has had the opportunity to partner with, including The Collaborative, The Jewish Graduate Student Network, The Renaissance Group of the Jewish Federation of Greater Philadelphia, Einstein Healthcare Network’s Victor Center for Jewish Genetic Diseases and jkidphilly.

13)   The synagogues and organizations who have invited us to provide Sensitivity Trainings for their professional staff and lay leaders.

14)   The Religious School and Preschool Directors who have brought IFF/Philadelphia in to train their staffs so that they will be better equipped to meet the needs of their students from interfaith homes, as well as the students’ parents.

15)   The synagogues and organizations that have invited us to lead Adult Education programs on interfaith issues.

16)   Rabbi Erin Hirsch and the GratzNEXT Professional Learning Program for Supplementary School Teachers for working with us to create the online teacher training program “Truly Welcoming Children of Interfaith Families.”

17)   Ellen Walters of Jewish Learning Venture for inviting us to offer workshops on “Diversity in the Classroom” at the Yom Limmud for Early Childhood Educators in 2013 and 2014.

18)   Lori Rubin and Robyn Cohen of jkidphilly for partnering with us to provide programming in Chester County.

19)   Rabbi Isaac Saposnik, Executive Director of Camp JRF, a wonderfully inclusive place, for having us come to camp this past summer to provide a Sensitivity Training for all of the counselors.

at BBYO

Wendy Armon and Rabbi Robyn Frisch, center, with BBYO counselors

20)   BBYO, for inviting us to lead Sensitivity Trainings for teens at its 2014 summer Kallah.

21)   The Gershman Y, for inviting Rabbi Robyn Frisch to facilitate The December Dilemma: Strategies for Interfaith Families During the Holidays on December 14, 2014.

22)   Ross Berkowitz and Steven Share of The Collaborative for working with us to create meaningful programming for young adults in interfaith relationships and individuals in their 20s and 30s who grew up in interfaith homes.

23)   Ed Case, Founder and CEO of InterfaithFamily, for his vision and leadership. For 13 years InterfaithFamily has provided unparalleled resources and support for interfaith couples and families exploring Jewish life.

 

Shofar blowing

A child at an IFF/Philadelphia apple-picking event this year with make-your-own shofars

24)   Rabbi Mayer Selekman, who served on the Board of InterFaithways (predecessor to InterfaithFamily/Philadelphia) and is the Chair of IFF/Philadelphia’s Advisory Council. Rabbi Selekman is a true pioneer. He started officiating at interfaith weddings in the 1960s and has been advocating for the inclusion of interfaith couples and families in the Jewish community for years.

25)   Leonard Wasserman, of blessed memory, Founder of InterFaithways, a visionary who saw intermarriage as an opportunity for the Jewish community, rather than a threat. And we’re thankful to Leonard’s wife of 64 years, Dorothy Wasserman, who worked with him to ensure the success of InterFaithways, and continues to support InterfaithFamily/Philadelphia and serve on our Advisory Council.

26)   Bill Schwartz, InterfaithFamily National Board member and IFF/Philadelphia Advisory Council member, who leads our Philadelphia fundraising efforts. In 2006 Bill came up with the idea of having an InterFaithways Family Shabbat Weekend in Philadelphia and urged local synagogues to participate. Eight years later, over 100 synagogues and organizations in five cities are participating in InterfaithFamily Shabbat 2014.

27)   Laurie Franz and Mindy Fortin, two amazing women from Philadelphia who serve on InterfaithFamily’s National Board and who support our work in the Philadelphia community.

28)   The fantastic Advisory Council of IFF/Philadelphia, the members of which support and guide us in the work we do.

29)   The talented and dedicated InterfaithFamily national staff in Boston as well as in communities throughout the country that we have the privilege of working with, as well as the InterfaithFamily National Board.

30)   The 63 Philadelphia area synagogues and organizations that are participating in InterfaithFamily Shabbat 2014 and The Jewish Exponent for being a Media Affiliate. And all of the individuals who are going to attend InterfaithFamily Shabbat services, dinners and programs, helping to ensure that this year’s InterfaithFamily Shabbat will be the most successful one yet!

What are you thankful for this November?

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Five Observations

Heart beat illustrationBelow are five observations from working with interfaith families that may get our hearts racing and hopefully prompt respectful discussion:

1. Language matters. God created the world with words, “Let there be light…and there was…” The rabbis said that to embarrass someone is to kill their soul—to bring blood to their face. The same word in Hebrew for “word,”—d’var—is also the word for “thing.” Words create reality. The old adage “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me” is not Jewish. Thus, when we say, “non-Jew” for example, we are saying that someone is a “non-entity” or different from, and that isolates and estranges the very people we seek to endear and hold close. Thus, I say, “not Jewish” because I believe this difference is more than semantics.

2. Owning It. Many people who grew up with Judaism and are getting married describe themselves as “culturally Jewish.” I have started pushing people to define what this means. Which culture? Ashkenazkic Jewish? If you go to your parent’s for the holidays and your mother makes kugel and brisket, she is a cultural Jew. Can you claim this as an authentic identity as an adult vicariously? Is there a cut-off age for this when you have to own it yourself? Are people cultural Jews because they grew up culturally Jewish: going to Jewish camp (or camp with lots of Jews), having Jewish friends, getting together with family for break-fast and Passover?

As adults, we identify as Jewish, but maybe this hasn’t been actualized since the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit or since a Jewish sorority or fraternity or a birthright trip. When people say they are culturally Jewish, they may be describing their upbringing more than anything. They may also be saying what they are not. They are not members of a synagogue (neither are their parents, often) and they do not think about Judaism on a regular basis. But lifecycle moments often must be Jewish. There is no other way for them to imagine getting married or welcoming a baby than to have a rabbi present and to look to Jewish tradition. Is this empty or lacking? Not to me. This is real. This is a basis upon which new learning and experiences can take place. This is roots. This is connectedness and family closeness. If we dismiss this, we will lose another generation of people who grew up with Judaism and need to be sold on its value as a way of life.

3. Re-branding Judaism. Selling Judaism. I find myself cheerleading for Judaism. I hear story after story about not having loved religious school; leaving the synagogue after the Bar/Bat Mitzvah; finding services boring, hard to follow, irrelevant; being disappointed by rabbis for whatever reasons; etc. I try to re-sell an open-minded, loving, vibrant, relevant Judaism in which people will find moral grounding, inspiration, other young people, accessible clergy, and rituals open to anybody who loves a Jew and is comfortable being part of everything—whether or not they formally convert. Does this Judaism exist? Should it exist? I tell people that this Judaism exists because I have experienced it in many places here in Chicago and in many different ways.

4. Inclusion. Can Judaism be an inclusive religion? Inclusion is a recent American ideal. For instance, we aim to create neuro-diverse classrooms because we believe that inclusion of different kinds of learners benefits everyone. But, can it be a Jewish ideal? We have been an insular, tight knit, ethnically bound people and this has kept us going. We are a religion of boundaries: day and night, holy and profane, Shabbat and the rest of the week, before 13 and after 13, kosher or treif. Can we have a Judaism that is totally open and includes everybody? This will change our Judaism. Is this OK? What will it look and feel like? Will there be a reason to formally convert anymore? (Anecdotally, I have found that when those come to experience Judaism they want more and more and do end up wanting a formal conversion, quite often…)

Beyond being welcoming, the real question is how and to what extent can Judaism be an inclusive religion?

5. Both religions. Each of these observations I have gleaned from working with interfaith families’ present challenges and opportunities in the Jewish world. But, this last point is perhaps the most tricky. This one really gets our hearts racing and leads to arguments among Jewish leaders. What about families who want both religions of the parents to be part of their lives? What does it mean anymore to raise Jewish children? Is there a litmus test to this? Can one raise Jewish children and not belong to a synagogue (pretty hard to do in America, I personally think). Can one raise Jewish children if those children attend church with one parent or grandparent or cousins and take part in Christian holidays? Only if those holidays are celebrated “culturally” and not “religiously”? Can one raise Jewish children if Shabbat is not part of their lives, if they do not give tzedakah and if Judaism may not come up in the course of a day or week?

Many, many couples I meet with think they will want some aspects of both religions in their lives. They don’t believe this will confuse children. They feel that if the parents are on the same page, the children will be too. If there is love, tolerance, respect, empathy, a willingness to learn and experience and a depth of compromise, it will enrich the family to become literate in both faiths and to celebrate aspects of both faiths. Whatever we think about this, we are going to have to confront this reality. How can and should the liberal Jewish world respond? What will our religious schools look like if we have more and more children exposed to both religions who feel “half and half” and say it with wholeness and pride? Will this dilute Judaism? Will this expand Judaism? Will all children raised within liberal Judaism today come to love the idiosyncrasies of our way in to the big questions of life: kindness, social justice, the meaning of sin, how to talk about God, what it means to have lived a good life?

If you are an interfaith couple, do these observations resonate? What are your answers? What are your questions? Have I captured some of this? We want to know the top things you are thinking about so that we can think this stuff through with you. Judaism needs your voices and your presence.

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InterfaithFamily/Chicago Recognized for Innovation in Slingshot Midwest Guide

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
October 20, 2014

Contact: Liz Polay-Wettengel, National Director of Marketing and Communications
e: lizpw@interfaithfamily.com
p: 617.581.6869

INTERFAITHFAMILY/CHICAGO RECOGNIZED FOR INNOVATION IN SLINGSHOT MIDWEST GUIDE

Tenth Annual Slingshot Guide Highlights the Best of the Thriving Jewish Nonprofit World

Newton, MA – InterfaithFamily has once again been named one of North America’s top 82 innovative Jewish organizations in the tenth annual Slingshot Guide. InterfaithFamily has been included every year since the Guide’s inception. This year, our Chicago Your Community initiative is being honored in the Midwest issue of the guide.

Operating based on the belief that more interfaith families would choose to engage with Judaism if they could comfortably learn about Jewish life, InterfaithFamily provides educational resources and connection with a community of families that share similar interfaith dynamics. InterfaithFamily also works to educate interfaith families about welcoming and open Jewish organizations, programs and services.

Serving as a one-stop shop for interfaith families, InterfaithFamily/Chicago offers in-person consultation, facilitates online and in-person workshops about relationships and parenting and hosts local programs through the InterfaithFamily/Your Community initiative. The InterfaithFamily/Your Community initiative provides support to interfaith couples and families by placing staff in local communities to coordinate and provide a comprehensive range of programs and services for local interfaith families.

InterfaithFamily/Chicago, part of the Interfaithfamily/Your Community model, offers trainings and adult education programs in numerous local synagogues and works in strong partnership with the Chicago JCC. The project also works with PJ Library on a JBaby Chicago program, and has created an interfaith-focused grandparenting class with the Jewish United Fund and Grandparents for Social Justice. InterfaithFamily seeks to continue expanding its impact in the Chicago area and across the country, both online and in-person, by building a strong national organization of many connected local communities.

InterfaithFamily/Chicago Director Rabbi Ari Moffic responds “We are honored to be recognized among other organizations who are working tirelessly to create relevant, meaningful, inclusive, loving, accepting, challenging Jewish experiences for a diverse audience open and eager for learning and connection. Our office in Chicago looks forward to continuing supporting interfaith couples and families exploring Jewish life and advocating for a welcoming Jewish community.”

Slingshot 2014-15 was released yesterday.

Organizations included in this year’s Guide were evaluated on their innovative approach, the impact they have in their work, the leadership they have in their sector, and their effectiveness at achieving results.

About the Slingshot Guide
The Slingshot Guide, now in its tenth year, was created by a team of young funders as a guidebook to help funders of all ages diversify their giving portfolios to include the most innovative and effective organizations, programs and projects in North America. The Guide contains information about each organization’s origin, mission, strategy, impact and budget, as well as details about its unique character. The Slingshot Guide has proven to be a catalyst for next generation funding and offers a telling snapshot of shifting trends in North America’s Jewish community – and how nonprofits are meeting new needs and reaching new audiences. The book, published annually, is available in hard copy and as a free download at www.slingshotfund.org.

About InterfaithFamily
InterfaithFamily is the premier resource supporting interfaith couples exploring Jewish life and inclusive Jewish communities. We offer educational content at www.interfaithfamily.com; connections to welcoming organizations, professionals and programs; resources and trainings for organizations, clergy and other program providers; and our InterfaithFamily/Your Community initiative, providing coordinated comprehensive offerings in local communities, including Boston, Chicago, Philadelphia, the San Francisco Bay Area and coming soon to greater Los Angeles and Atlanta.

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InterfaithFamily Recognized for Tenth Year in Slingshot Guide

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
October 20, 2014

Contact: Liz Polay-Wettengel, National Director of Marketing and Communications
e: lizpw@interfaithfamily.com
p: 617.581.6869

INTERFAITHFAMILY RECOGNIZED FOR TENTH YEAR IN SLINGSHOT GUIDE

Tenth Annual Slingshot Guide Highlights the Best of the Thriving Jewish Nonprofit World

Newton, MA – InterfaithFamily has once again been named one of North America’s top 82 innovative Jewish organizations in the tenth annual Slingshot Guide. InterfaithFamily has been included every year since the Guide’s inception. This year, InterfaithFamily/Chicago was also recognized in Slingshot’s new Midwest Guide.

Operating based on the belief that more interfaith families would choose to engage with Judaism if they could comfortably learn about Jewish life, InterfaithFamily provides educational resources and connection with a community of families that share similar interfaith dynamics. InterfaithFamily also works to educate interfaith families about welcoming and open Jewish organizations, programs and services.

Highlighted as a “Ten-timer” in this year’s guide, Jodi Bromberg, President, says, “We’ve learned over the past ten years that there are basic ‘truths’ that apply as much in the innovation space as everywhere else—listen to your audience, respond to audience demand, take risks and learn from mistakes, partner to accomplish more.”

The Guide has become a go-to resource for volunteers, activists and donors looking for new opportunities and projects that, through their innovative nature, will ensure the Jewish community remains relevant and thriving.

Slingshot 2014-15 was released today.

Organizations included in this year’s Guide were evaluated on their innovative approach, the impact they have in their work, the leadership they have in their sector, and their effectiveness at achieving results.

“Being recognized in The Slingshot Guide for the tenth year in a row is an honor and privilege. We are very proud of the recognition, and also of being in the terrific company of so many other innovative organizations doing ground-breaking work,” said Bromberg.

Added Will Schneider, Executive Director of Slingshot, which publishes the Guide each year, “Slingshot is all about inspiring Jews to get involved in the Jewish community. After ten years the book remains relevant because it is a megaphone for exciting and meaningful projects. This tenth year of the Guide year was more competitive than every year before, and the final product features the largest number of projects doing the widest variety of work.”

About the Slingshot Guide
The Slingshot Guide, now in its tenth year, was created by a team of young funders as a guidebook to help funders of all ages diversify their giving portfolios to include the most innovative and effective organizations, programs and projects in North America. The Guide contains information about each organization’s origin, mission, strategy, impact and budget, as well as details about its unique character. The Slingshot Guide has proven to be a catalyst for next generation funding and offers a telling snapshot of shifting trends in North America’s Jewish community – and how nonprofits are meeting new needs and reaching new audiences. The book, published annually, is available in hard copy and as a free download at www.slingshotfund.org.

About InterfaithFamily
InterfaithFamily is the premier resource supporting interfaith couples exploring Jewish life and inclusive Jewish communities. We offer educational content at www.interfaithfamily.com; connections to welcoming organizations, professionals and programs; resources and trainings for organizations, clergy and other program providers; and our InterfaithFamily/Your Community initiative, providing coordinated comprehensive offerings in local communities, including Boston, Chicago, Philadelphia, the San Francisco Bay Area and coming soon to greater Los Angeles and Atlanta.

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Shabbat Dinner at the Shore

The following is a guest blog post by Sarah & David Falk

Shabbat group

It was a cool summer day in August down at the Jersey Shore. We were renting a beach house in Bradley Beach with some friends and family for the summer. My husband, David, and his family have been coming down to Bradley Beach for over 25 years and we thought it was the perfect place to host a Shabbat dinner. We set up chairs and tables for 15 people in our backyard and surrounded them with tiki torches. The food was served buffet-style to keep with our casual dinner atmosphere.

Who were we serving and why were we hosting 15 people for Shabbat to begin with? It all started when we got involved with InterfaithFamily through their Love and Religion workshop last fall. While searching for officiants for our May 2013 wedding, we came across the organization’s website. We have been together for nine years, and InterfaithFamily is the first organization we found that embodies both of our beliefs and is a common ground for both of us.

Dave & Sarah

David and Sarah lighting the Shabbat candles

Over the years, we have attended many Shabbat dinners together at friends’ and family’s houses. We love participating in Shabbat dinner with family and friends—it is always a great way to start the weekend.

When we met with the staff of InterfaithFamily/Philadelphia and others who have participated in their classes and workshops earlier this year to discuss programs and events that we would be interested in seeing within the organization, the staff was extremely receptive to the idea of a Shabbat dinner sponsorship program. We experienced a similar program through another organization which our friends had used to sponsor their Shabbat dinners.

The purpose of the IFF/Philadelphia Shabbat dinner program is to create a community of peers. You are encouraged to invite other interfaith couples and/or families to celebrate Shabbat, but we found that a mix of backgrounds at our Shabbat dinner helped with the discussions. IFF/Philadelphia will reimburse alumni of its classes and workshops up to $20 per adult ($10 per child) to host a Shabbat dinner. From our experience, the program not only encourages you to host a Shabbat dinner, but it gets the conversation started about the InterfaithFamily organization with those who may not be familiar already.

Alums

Alumni of Love & Religion (Dave & Sarah on right, Anne & Sam center)

The guests at our Shabbat dinner included friends that were staying at our beach house, family that lived close by and two other interfaith couples that were part of the Love and Religion workshop with us. It was great to catch up with them almost a year after our workshop ended, especially since one of the couples was getting married in a few months (congrats Sam and Anne who have now been married by IFF/Philadelphia’s Rabbi Robyn Frisch!).

Our menu included soup (which was especially refreshing since it was chilly outside), chicken, Israeli couscous with vegetables (recipe below), eggplant dip, salad and lots of our favorite kosher Bartenura Moscato Italian wine. We had a little trouble lighting the candles at first because of the wind, but eventually got them to work!

Our first Shabbat dinner was a success and we were so happy to be one of the first couples to host one through InterfaithFamily. It was a wonderful way to celebrate the week that was ending and spread the word about InterfaithFamily. We look forward to hosting another Shabbat dinner in the near future!

If you are interested in getting involved with InterfaithFamily/Philadelphia, drop a note to philadelphia@interfaithfamily.com.

Israeli Couscous
Makes 10-12 servings

Ingredients

  • 1 bag Israeli pearl couscous
  • 2 cups chicken stock
  • 1 shallot
  • 1 pint cherry tomatoes
  • 1 bag sugar snap peas
  • 1 ball of mozzarella, cut into small pieces
  • Few leaves of fresh basil, ripped into small pieces
  • Salt and pepper to taste

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Cut the shallot and halve the tomatoes. Drizzle a few tablespoons of olive oil on a baking sheet and add the cut vegetables, sprinkling with salt and pepper as desired. Bring the chicken stock to a boil and add the couscous, stirring often so that the couscous does not stick to the saucepan. Remove couscous from heat once tender and chicken stock is absorbed (about 10 minutes). While the couscous is cooking, roast the vegetables until soft. Combine couscous and roasted vegetables. Mix in basil and mozzarella right before serving. Enjoy!

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