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I just read your article in the Wall Street Journal, Wanted: Converts to Judaism, in which you advocate for â€śthe rabbis of the Conservative movement to use every means to explicitly and strongly advocate for conversion.â€ťÂ Considering that you are the Chancellor of the Jewish Theological Seminary of the Conservative Movement, your words carry great weight.Â And because of this, I am asking you to reconsider your position.
I of course agree with you that there is much beauty and deep meaning in living a Jewish life.Â I am overjoyed when someone comes to me and says that she has decided to pursue the path toward conversionâ€”whether it is because she has lived with a Jewish partner and raised Jewish children and now wholeheartedly desires to become a Jew; she has fallen in love with a Jewish person and thinks that living as a Jew could elevate her own life; or because, independent of any personal relationships, she has found Judaism and has come to believe that she is meant to be a Jew.
It is incumbent upon those of us who are rabbis as well as all people and institutions that are committed to Jewish continuity that we let all people, and especially those family members in our midst who are not Jewish, know that they are always welcome to become Jewish if that is what their soul desires, and that our doors are open wide.Â As a rabbi, there are few things I have done that are more rewarding than accompanying someone on their journey to becoming a Jew. Conversion, when done for the right reasons, is a blessing for the new Jew as well as for the Jewish community.Â But conversion isnâ€™t the only option, and it isnâ€™t always the right option.Â And while I am sure you in no way intended this, I greatly worry that by advocating for conversion, the Jewish community will give the impression that any conversion is OK, even without the sincerity of conviction and belief that a genuine conversion would require.
I agree with you that we should ensure that â€śopportunities for serious adult study of Judaism and active participation in Jewish lifeâ€ť are always available.Â Over the years, I have seen many family members who are not Jewish take Jewish learning very seriously, and I have seen such family members actively participating in Jewish communal life. Â I am sure you have witnessed this as well. Sometimes family members who are not Jewish decide over time to become Jewish themselves (often before a significant life-cycle event, such as a childâ€™s Bar or
While I believe that family members who are not Jewish should always know that they are welcome to explore becoming Jewish and that we would be honored to have them as converts if this is what they truly want and believe, I worry that ifÂ â€śJewish institutions and their rabbisâ€¦actively encourage non-Jewish family members in our midst to take the next step and formally commit to conversion,â€ť as you suggest we do, we will not only encourage conversions for the wrong reasons, but that we will also be putting undue pressure on family members who are not Jewish.Â Rather than bringing them into the fold, as you desire, I fear that we could turn them away.
Instead, I think we need to send the message that we welcome family members who are not Jewish as part of our community just as they are (rather than trying to turn them into what we want them to be).Â Rather than â€śexplicitly and strongly advocat[ing] for conversionâ€ť as you suggest, I believe that we should let family members who are not Jewish know that we would be honored to help them become Jewish if that is what they wish for themselves, and we would be equally honored if they do not convert but make the commitment to raise their children as Jews.Â What we really need to do is to ensure that resources are available for parents who did not grow up Jewish (as well as those who did grow up Jewish) to raise their children with Judaism in their lives, whether or not they themselves convert.
Toward the end of your article, you make reference to the biblical character Ruth, the â€śmost-famous convert in Jewish tradition.â€ťÂ While we often refer to Ruth as a â€śconvert,â€ť using such a term is anachronistic, since â€śconversionâ€ť as we now know it did not exist in Biblical times.Â But, more important, as I point out in my blog Re-reading Ruth: Not â€śRuth and Her Conversionâ€ť but â€śRuth and Her Interfaith Marriage,â€ť we cannot ignore the timing of Ruthâ€™s conversion.Â As I noted in my blog, by the time Ruth made her famous declaration of commitment to her mother-in-law Naomi and to the people and God of Israel, Ruthâ€™s Israelite husband, Noamiâ€™s son Machlon, was already deceased.Â This was already after Ruthâ€™s marriageâ€”not before it.
Ruth may have found, as you point out, â€ścommunity, meaning and direction by entering deeply into her new identity,â€ť but this didnâ€™t happen because Naomi or anyone else in her family encouraged Ruth or advocated for her to take on a new identity.Â In fact, the Book of Ruth explicitly informs us that after Machlon had died and Naomi was leaving Ruthâ€™s homeland of Moab to return to Bethlehem, Naomi repeatedly urged Ruth to â€śturn backâ€ť (Ruth 1:11-15) rather than accompany Naomi on her journey.Â Ruth uttered the words â€śWherever you go, I will go; wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my GodÂ (Ruth 1:16) not because Naomi â€śactively encouraged herâ€ť but because Naomi had already accepted her for so many years for who she wasâ€”a Moabite, an â€śoutsider,â€ť that was married to her son.Â It was because of Naomiâ€™s unconditional love for Ruth that Ruth linked her future with that of Naomi, her people and her Godâ€”and ultimately went on to become the great-grandmother of King David.
Chancellor Eisen, you note in the first paragraph of your article that â€śJudaism needs more Jews.â€ťÂ I agree with you that the high rate of intermarriageÂ â€śpresents the Jewish communityâ€¦perhaps, with a unique opportunity.â€ťÂ But where we disagree is on what that opportunity is.Â In my view, the opportunity we have is not to necessarily convince those who are married to Jews to convert.Â Instead, like Naomi, we can help to ensure our Jewish â€śtomorrowsâ€ť by unconditionally welcoming spouses and partners of Jews into our Jewish community and making it as easy and meaningful as possible for them to raise Jewish children.
Rabbi Robyn Frisch
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By Shannon Naomi Zaid
My internship with the Jewish United Federation and InterfaithFamily has put me in religious Jewish settings that I wouldnâ€™t have normally found myself in. During one of these times, working an InterfaithFamily booth at an event, an issue was brought to my attention that Iâ€™d never thought existed: prejudice based on names. In this day and age it seems so odd to assume something about a person based solely on their name, especially so in the U.S. where the culture is a founded on many different ethnicities and geographical backgrounds. Yet there I was, trying to defend my Judaism to a couple of older Jewish men who thought I was Catholic based off my name.
The origin of the name Shannon is Irish. Depending on whom you ask it means: small and wise, or river. My name was given to me by my birth mother, and my parents chose to keep it when they adopted me. In some ways I can understand why these men assumed I was Catholic. The southern nation of Ireland has been and remained Catholic for centuries, and the name â€śShannonâ€ť derives from Irelandâ€™s longest river, River Shannon. That being said, I was upset that they couldnâ€™t picture a Jew having my name, and it was only after I explained to them my family background, that they acknowledged me as Jewish.
I understand that in Judaism a name carries weight. Historically, there were three groupings of Jews: the Levites, Kohens and Israelites. Descendants of the Levites and Kohens were tasked with special religious duties (e.g. Kohens were priests and Levites served directly under the Kohens), while the Israelites (i.e. everyone else) held the lowest standing. At some synagogues, Kohens and Levites are still treated differently from everyone else. For example, Kohens can be called up to read from the Torah first, followed by Levites. Even outside the biblical context, a familyâ€™s name identifies a person. The Jewish community has always been tight knit, and last names now serve as a tool to help place a person in the community.
In the case of first names, I notice the repetition of certain names within the Jewish community. Daniel, Jeremy, Rachel, Joseph, Sarah, Ari, Noah, Adam, Elizabeth, Rebecca, David, Jonathan, Dana, Shana, Michael, Sam. Chances are youâ€™ll come across these names in a Jewish community, but that doesnâ€™t strictly mean all Jews take their names from the same set. There are Jews all over the world in many different countries. You canâ€™t expect that they all share the same few names.
While I am proud to call myself Jewish, I recognize its drawbacks. Judaism is very good at being exclusive, even toward those who identify with it. Call it a design flaw, or a result of social conditioning from centuries of persecution, either way an individual shouldnâ€™t have to be questioned on what faith they are because their name is different.
Growing up in an interfaith family, I always felt as if I was secretly having an identity crisis, never knowing where I really fit it. But Iâ€™ve grown into myself, and I know who I am. My name is Shannon. I identify as a secular Jew. I come from an interfaith family. Iâ€™m adopted. Part of my family is from Israel, and the other half is from Europe. I know and understand all of this. The problem is everyone who doesnâ€™t understand.
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Well, I went to the water one day to pray.
As a Jewish woman who feels deeply rooted in her African- and Native-American familyâ€™s heritage, the famous Negro spiritual â€śWade in the Waterâ€ť holds multiple and profound layers of visceral meaning for me. It was a central component of an alternative Rosh Hashanah ritual I created and observed in Washington, DCâ€™s Rock Creek Park a couple years ago. And a couple years before that, â€śWade in the Waterâ€ť was bittersweetly at the heart of a soft-spoken, yet powerful conversation between Alana, a dear friend of mine from college, her Hungarian-Jewish grandmother and me in her grandmotherâ€™s home in Mayen, Germany.
The classic spiritual was originally among a number of songs used as vocal instructions sung in the cotton fields to help fugitive slaves navigate the treacherous, but ultimately liberating path of the Underground Railroad.
One night during a five-day layover in Germany in 2009, Alana shared with me that the â€śWade in the Waterâ€ť segment of Alvin Aileyâ€™s famed â€śRevelationsâ€ť dance sequence was once playing on her grandmotherâ€™s television. She explained to her grandmother, a Holocaust survivor, how enslaved African-Americans used the song to escape from slavery. After a few moments of silence, her grandmother began crying as she asked Alana, in German, â€śWhy didnâ€™t we think to do that?â€ť With Alanaâ€™s permission, I gently broached the subject with her bubbe a couple days later. What ensued was one of the most meaningful conversations of my life.
Black people, my people, literally found their way to freedom through song. Similar to making aliyah or immersing oneself in the mikveh, song is a spiritual vehicle that guides and elevates both individuals and communities to higher ground. The Jewish people, also my people, are well-versed in spiritual elevation, as well as immersion. It is embedded in the mundane to mystical elements of our religion.
One of the nicest ways that spiritual immersion is still alive and thriving in the Boston area is found at Mayyim Hayyim. Now in its 10th year of existence, the Mayyim Hayyim Living Waters Mikveh and Paula Brody & Family Education Center is a community mikveh that has stayed true to its mission of reclaiming and reinventing one of Judaism’s most ancient ritualsâ€”immersion in the mikveh. Mayyim Hayyim has brought this sacred tradition to life by encouraging its traditional, as well as creative contemporary spiritual use. Each year the center teaches thousands of interested visitors. And on a daily basis, it models how to make the mikveh a sacred space that is open and accessible to all Jews and those who are becoming Jews. This was the vision of Mayyim Hayyim founder and acclaimed author Anita Diamant.
As Mayyim Hayyimâ€™s founding executive director Aliza Kline once stated, â€śThe explicit mission of Mayyim Hayyim is to provide a space that is warm and welcoming of the broadest sense of the Jewish community.â€ť In a world where not enough Jewish communal spaces fully embrace interfaith families, let alone the rest of the Jewish communityâ€™s expansive diversity, the Newton-based non-profit stands in a distinctive category of its own. It has become a destination for interfaith families and Jews across the spectrum of observance and affiliation. Mayyim Hayyim actively welcomes interfaith, multiracial and LGBTQ members and families.
â€śWade in the Water,â€ť along with many other songs and poetry from Jewish and other spiritual traditions are resources Mayyim Hayyim has available for visitors of their mikvehs to use as they feel inspired.
Whether you are undergoing conversion, a life cycle event or a personal journey of healing or transformation, I recommend you schedule a visit to Mayyim Hayyim Living Waters Mikveh.
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Last Friday night, I watched as my kids lit Shabbat candles and said the prayers at our table with my in-laws standing by. My partnerâ€™s parents are not Jewish, and I felt a deep appreciation for them in this moment. When we all met, none of us could have imagined this scene. Nearly two decades ago, I stayed at their home for the first time. My partner and I were graduate students on the East Coast and we headed west to see her folks at their ranch in central Oregon over break. Like many people, Jewish or not, they really arenâ€™t into religion at all. Here we were, a rabbinical student and a PhD candidate in religious studies. We pretty much ate, drank and breathed religion.
I wanted to be careful not to overwhelm them with Jewish talk or Jewish practice. That was tough because I was starting to observe Shabbat and other rituals for the first time. I chose carefully which ones I absolutely had to do. One of my new, favorite Shabbat rituals was baking challah. As Friday morning rolled around, it felt strange not to make it. I started to get the ingredients out, and the implications ran through my mind:
1) This kitchen is going to be really, really messy.
2) Â It would feel weird to me if we ate challah on Friday night without saying the prayer over it.Â But saying it will feel really weird too.
3) Oh noâ€¦it will feel weird to do the prayer over the bread without doing all three Shabbat blessings.Â Now itâ€™s a full ceremony and itâ€™s going to be awkward.
In the end, I did it anyway. The result? Wow, these people love challah. I know most people like it. Whatâ€™s not to like? My recipe includes eggs, flour and tons of sugar and butter which make it more like a Shabbat dessert. Itâ€™s always a crowd pleaser. But I have never seen anyone so overtaken by it. Seeing how excited her parents were and knowing how worried I was about engaging in Jewish ritual in their house, my partner made sure they knew that getting to the challah meant that there would be Jewish prayers at their table. For people who really disagree with religion as a whole, donâ€™t believe in the God we are thanking in these prayers and have no context for the foreign language being spoken at their table, this could have been a huge deal.
Itâ€™s been almost two decades, and Iâ€™m still making challah for my in-laws. Now when we visit, our kids help bake and decorate. We do the entire Shabbat ceremony consisting of all three prayers: lighting candles, saying kiddush over wine and grape juice and the motsi over the challah, my partnerâ€™s parents stand by, knowing that challah is coming.
I am greatly appreciative that my in-laws have been able to witness our familyâ€™s rituals and other religious choices. Clearly, some of these rituals have been easier to stomach than others. My mother-in-law enjoys the challah far more than she did the bris (then again, Iâ€™m with her on that one). Itâ€™s not easy when your kids choose a lifestyle so different from your own. In one sense, I credit the challah. It was one of the first moments when we came together around a Jewish custom, and unlike lots of other Jewish foods that are acquired tastes, challah was the one that could allow them to see into a completely new religious framework and even allow for it to happen at their family table. In a way, itâ€™s just bread. But â€śbreaking breadâ€ť together is also the way people from many cultures have traditionally and symbolically expressed that they can cross a difficult boundary. So maybe itâ€™s no accident that this openness was instigated by a couple of loaves of home-baked bread. But at a deeper level, I credit my in-laws for demonstrating incredible openness to new ideas and most of all, for embracing us. That, and helping me clean the kitchen.
Sweet Egg Bread (Challah)Â
5-6 cups of flour
A few weeks ago, InterfaithFamily/Philadelphia hosted our first gathering for young adults from interfaith homes and those who are in interfaith relationships: Love, Religion & Cockatils. We were fortunate enough to work with The Jewish Collaborative, a local organization that works with people in their 20s and 30s. In addition, our programming committee was terrific in coming up with the right type of program and the appropriate language for the marketing materials. Lots of organizations have mixers or programs, but this event was a little bit of both. It was an amazing night!
Drinks and appetizers: Everyone was given two drink tickets and there was a table with appetizers so that everyone could snack and mingle. We wanted everyone to have a chance to engage in casual conversation before we broke up into two groups. We served the â€śLove & Religionâ€ť as our signature cocktail. Weâ€™re pretty sure our participants enjoyed our special concoction.
A unique format: We wanted people to talk casually about their experiences and to connect with one another. The programming committee thought that the best way to achieve this would be to ask lighthearted questions such as, â€śWhat is your favorite holiday movie and why?â€ť We hoped participants would explain their points of view as to why they liked certain movies, thus sparking conversation about issues such as how childhood memories inform our identity. We know that for many people, there is a lot of passion about their religion that has to do with memories. We asked other fun questions such as â€śIf you described your family as a food, what would it be?â€ť We heard, â€śa pizza bagel,â€ť â€śa potato latke.â€ť The answers were fun and touched upon the backgrounds of each person. One person talked about feelings associated with a Christmas tree. Another person talked about family meals and holidays.
During our conversations, we heard the most fascinating stories. One woman who grew up in America went to Israel and is now engaged to a Muslim from Sudan. Another woman told us about growing up in a Jewish/Puerto Rican household. One of the couples talked about how the rabbi at their wedding was so wonderful and welcoming that the partner who did not grow up Jewish is now considering converting.
A measure of success: we handed out short evaluations and all data indicated that everyone seemed quite happy with the program. The real measure of success in my mind was that people stayed for an hour after the event ended to talk to one another and our staff. Obviously, there is a real need for a forum for folks to connect and share their stories. Iâ€™m proud that IFF/Philadelphia offered that space for them and Iâ€™m pleased to be part of an organization that offers a safe space for people to share and communicate online and in person.
Would you like to attend Love, Religion and Cocktails in the future in Philadelphia or elsewhere? Share your comments and ideas below.
I spent last week at Californiaâ€™s Camp Tawonga as the rabbi on staff for their â€śTaste of Campâ€ť (a six-day introduction to the camp experience for kids who arenâ€™t ready for a longer session yet). I overheard two 8- or 9-year-olds getting to know each otherâ€™s backgrounds on the way back to the cabin.
Excitedly, one girl told the other, â€śMy Mom is Jewish and my Dad is Christian. But we are mostly Jewish.â€ť
The other smiled and piped in, â€śIn our house, we are also mixed! We eat some Hebrew food, and some Mexican food.â€ť
This comment cracked me up and reminded me of being a little kid and having other kids ask me, â€śAre you Hanukkah or Christmas?â€ť The conversation went on, comparing which holidays they each celebrate that are â€śHebrewâ€ť and delighting in finding much commonality between their families.
What impressed me most about the conversation was their comfort and ease with the subject. Tawonga is a camp unaffiliated with any particular Jewish denomination, and many kids come from interfaith households. It seemed the perfect place for two kids to explore how they view their backgrounds and make sense of who they are becoming.
I donâ€™t know the full picture of these kidsâ€™ family lives, but I would venture to say that they have been given a great gift: clarity. There is much worry that children with parents from different backgrounds will be confused, especially if the parent who is not Jewish continues to be connected to her or his religious heritage. From my experience working with interfaith families, some children are confused, and othersâ€”not in the least bit. And a lot of that is dependent on how intentional, clear and forthcoming parents are about what their â€śreligious planâ€ť is for the family. When they know how they are planning on affiliating with religions, communicate that effectively to their children and follow through on it, the kids are more likely to feel secure in who they are religiously as wellâ€”regardless of what the plan actually is.
What is the â€śreligious planâ€ť for the little girl who says she is â€śmostly Jewishâ€ť? I donâ€™t know. But I imagine that she is comfortable saying her family is â€śmostly Jewishâ€ť and talking freely about it because they have an idea of how they are living spiritually and have communicated that to her. Perhaps she is being raised Jewishly and being sent to a Jewish camp. But she is also keenly aware that there is more to the story and honors her parent who is not Jewish as a contributor to her emerging identity.
Weâ€™ve all heard about â€śhalf Jews.â€ť And people who say they are â€śpart Jewish,â€ť or â€śa quarter Jewish.â€ť I think these kids just came up with a new category. Mostly Jewish. And proud of it.
Sometimes Jews who donâ€™t live their lives by the rubrics of Jewish law feel inauthentic in their identity or less Jewish than more observant Jews. I often hear phrases like, â€śwe werenâ€™t that religiousâ€ť or â€śwe were very Reformâ€ť to describe an upbringing that did not include regular synagogue attendance or Shabbat rituals, for instance.Â Sometimes a person who marries a Jew not concerned with Jewish tradition as it applies to food, prayer or holiday observances can be confused when that person wants a rabbi at his or her wedding and wants to raise Jewish children because it doesnâ€™t seem the person cares that much about being Jewish.
There are many ways into Judaism and many ways to practice oneâ€™s Judaism.
Sometimes Jews are worried about â€śdoing it wrongâ€ť or not following the tradition (as if there is only one) at major life cycle moments. For instance, in preparing for a wedding, many people are concerned with who can sign their ketubah. I explain that â€śtraditionallyâ€ť it would be people who are Jewish and not related to the couple but that since this is a â€śnon-halachic, not legalâ€ť ketubah signed by a bride or groom who isnâ€™t Jewish that they should pick witnesses who they trust and wish to honor and worry less about whether that person is Jewish and related to them. Sometimes brides or grooms are worried about wearing a yarmulke at their wedding when they donâ€™t intend to wear one regularly again. They have to pause to ask themselves why they would want to wear one on their wedding day, what it symbolizes to them and then see if it feels meaningful.
Some of my colleagues have recently been discussing whether they should write that the couple is getting married on Shabbat in a ketubah (even if the wedding is before sundown on Saturday which is still Shabbat) since it is not traditionally thought permissible to hold a wedding on Shabbat. I feel very strongly that if the wedding is on Shabbat that the ketubah in an unapologetic way reflect that by stating the accurate day of the week in both English and Hebrew (rather than writing “Sunday”). This couple and this rabbi must not be accustomed to keeping Shababt in ways that prohibit driving, exchanging money, etc. and thus getting married on Saturday evening fits with their Jewish expression.
In fact, Rabbi Eugene Mihaly who died in 2002 at the age of 83, a professor at Hebrew Union College, the Reform Rabbinical Seminary wrote about whether marriage on the Sabbath is allowed according to the Jewish rabbinic sources.Â He concluded that:
â€śA religious marriage ceremony is a profound spiritual experience. The goals of Sabbath observance for the Reform Jew are also based on the traditional themes of the Sabbath as a day of delight (oneg), of refreshment of soul, of perfect freedom, a day devoted to hallowing of life, the enhancement of person, a weekly projection into the messianic. The spirit of a religious marriage ceremony is thus in perfect consonance with the spirit of the Sabbath. Halachic (legal) tradition, liberally interpreted, as it must be by Reform Judaism, far from prohibiting a marriage on the Sabbath would, on the contrary, encourage it as a most appropriate and fitting activity, congruent with and an enhancement of the highest reaches of Sabbath observance.â€ť
We have a tendency as Jews to put a hierarchy on Jewish practice and observance level. When one is able to learn about Judaism and then live it in a meaningful, thoughtful way, it becomes part of the life force of that person and not something to try on for an hour here or there. The ability to own oneâ€™s own Judaism is crucial. When one can talk about it with confidence and not in what one doesnâ€™t do but in what one does and believes and values, then it fills the person. How can we nurture the next generation to be able to do this? If we worry less about â€śtraditionâ€ť which is certainly not monolithic and more about knowing why we do what we do, then our identity can sustain us in real ways.
Like everyone in the Jewish world, we at InterfaithFamily are deeply concerned about recent developments in Israel.
IFF does not take positions on the Israel-Palestinian issue, what the Israeli government or the Palestinian authorities should or shouldn’t do. We have staff and stakeholders who represent different views on this highly charged topic.
We do feel strongly, however, that exposure to Israel is a very positive experience for people in interfaith relationships. We have always encouraged content representing Israel in a positive and welcoming light, whether it is a story about a Birthright Israel participant who has one Jewish parent, or a story about an intermarried parent taking his family to Israel. These types of stories have always had a home at InterfaithFamily.
This December InterfaithFamily/Philadelphia is sponsoring a trip to Israel for interfaith families. We believe this trip will be an incredible experience for our participants. We are also in the process of exploring our role in the efforts to send newly married interfaith couples to Israel on a wider scale in the future.
We also feel strongly that Israel is threatened by negative opinion and vilification around the world, and that it is important to express support for Israel and for efforts to peacefully resolve conflict there. We are hopeful that steps will be taken in that direction speedily. Our hearts and minds are with our friends in Israel who are currently dealing with violence at this time.
Everyone stand in a big circle. If you have a parent who is not Jewish, take a step inside the circle. Stay there. Now, if you are still in the outside circle, and you have a close relative who is not Jewish, take a step inside the circle.Â
Everyone looked around and saw that nearly all of the more than 75 participants had taken a step inside the circle.
And so began InterfaithFamily/Philadelphiaâ€™s Sensitivity Training for counselors at Camp JRF (the Reconstructionist movementâ€™s overnight camp in the Pennsylvania Poconos) for working with children from interfaith homes. This trainingâ€”which I conducted along with my IFF/Philadelphia colleagues Wendy Armon and Robin Warsawâ€”was part of the campâ€™s Inclusivity Training for counselors in the week before campers arrived. It was clear to all of the counselors in attendance that being part of an interfaith family isnâ€™t just a theoretical issue for liberal Jews today, itâ€™s something that touches almost every one of us personally.
Over the next hour, we explored how the counselors could best handle various issues that might come up during the summer. For example, what do you do as a counselor when youâ€™re leading a discussion about God and one of the campers brings up Jesus? The counselors also divided up into small groups and discussed and acted out various scenarios involving interfaith issues, such as how to react when a camper says that she is â€śhalf Jewish and half [another religion]â€ť or when a camper claims that his bunkmate â€śisnâ€™t really Jewish.â€ť
I was amazed at the counselorsâ€™ thoughtfulness and sensitivity, their insight and creativity, and their openness to discussing challenging issues. After the training, the three of us from IFF/Philadelphia had the pleasure of joining the counselors for a healthy and delicious (really!) lunchâ€”which was followed by a rousing song session in which the counselors sang some of the songs theyâ€™ve been learning in advance of the campersâ€™ arrival. Then we were in for a real treat, as the campâ€™s director, Rabbi Isaac Saposnik, took us on a tour (by golf cart) of the camp. We saw how the different activity areas were labeled with signs that looked like Israeli street signs, naming the activity in Hebrew, English and Arabic. A highlight of the tour was the campâ€™s new Eco-Village (designed with the input of campers from the past year), a super cool area where campers entering their freshman and sophomore years of high school will live in yurts.
More than once throughout our day at Camp JRF, we heard someone use the camp expression â€śHow We Be.â€ť At Camp JRF, diversity isnâ€™t just toleratedâ€¦it isnâ€™t just acceptedâ€¦itâ€™s embraced! One thing was clear:Â â€śWe all be differentâ€¦and thatâ€™s wonderful!â€ť Camp JRF is very much a JEWISH camp, but every person at campâ€”counselor or camperâ€”is encouraged to express his or her Judaism in a way that is personally meaningful. And each person understands that he or she has to respect how others â€śbe.â€ť Thereâ€™s no â€śone size fits all.â€ť Each individual is unique, and that makes for a vibrant camp community.
I have no doubt that the campers who attend Camp JRF this summer will have an amazing time. Theyâ€™ll swim and play Frisbee; dance and sing; make new friends and have all kinds of exciting and rewarding experiences. If theyâ€™re going into ninth or tenth gradeâ€”theyâ€™ll even get to live in a yurt! But most important, theyâ€™ll know that theyâ€™re living in a community where their uniqueness is embraced and they are accepted for who they are, as they are. And THAT is a great way to â€śbe.â€ť
By Shannon Naomi Zaid
My name is Shannon and I was brought up in a secular Jewish and secular Unitarian setting. I identify as Jewish, but deeply love and respect my Unitarian roots. In my experience, Iâ€™ve come to believe that one of the most important, and difficult parts of being a child raised under two different faiths is acknowledging the presences of each religionâ€™s essence, and finding a way for them to coexist in the heart and mind.
As of last week I started an eight-week internship at InterfaithFamily/Chicago in NorthbrookÂ (as part of the JUF Lewis Summer Intern program). I was drawn to this position since I also come from an interfaith family background. When my supervisor, Rabbi Ari Moffic, came to me with the opportunity to blog about my experiences growing up in an interfaith setting, I was (and still am) so excited to be given the chance to share my story with others. By doing this, I hope to address any concerns, and uncertainties you may have about raising a child when parents come fromÂ twoÂ differentÂ faiths.
Itâ€™s not an easy task finding a common ground when beliefs butt heads, but itâ€™s not impossible. Itâ€™s important to remember that everyone handles this struggle differently. Some people pick one religion andÂ do not practice any aspects of the other religion. Some partake in syncretism (e.g. Jewbu, Hinjew, etc.). Some become secular and or identify themselves as not practicing. Some may even go against organized religions entirely.Â Anything is possible.
Iâ€™ve switched my stance on religion multiple times. For a large portion of my life, I refused to identify with either of my parentsâ€™ religions. I didnâ€™t want to have to choose between the two, and it left me in an awkward situation. So, at the time, I decided to go against organized religion. I refused to learn anything about either religion and held this stance until sophomore year of high school. My parents accepted my views, which I thank them for because it allowed me to find my own spiritual path.
During my high school career many events took place that pushed me toward the Jewish life I lead today. One of the major factors in my decision was pride. I have two moms, and at school it pained me to see my Christian peers speak out against them. Â That year I also experienced my first taste of anti-Semitism, and although I didnâ€™t consider myself Jewish, I still fell victim to cruel jokes and bitter comments. I always took pride in the fact that I had two moms. I took pride in being different. The reason I sided with Judaism was because it was also different, and I felt a powerful need in my heart to defend it, more so than I ever felt with Unitarianism.
Sophomore year I started identifying as Jewish, and during that time IÂ leftÂ Christianity out of my life. I did this until my freshman year in college, when I took several religious studies courses that focused on historical relationships between different religious faiths. It was in one of these classes that I asked myself the question: Why couldnâ€™t theÂ religions of my parentsÂ coexistÂ for me in some way?
And why couldnâ€™t they?
I now identify as a secular Jew. I relate to the Jewish culture. I feel a strong connection to Israel and I believe in the Jewish people. But I respect Unitarianism, and as a Jew, I feel I can relate to the constant struggle Unitarians have to face from other Christian denominations.
Here are some things Iâ€™ve figured out along the way about growing up in an interfaith home. I hope you find my experience helpful.
My younger sister feels no connection to Judaism and is Unitarian. We have agreed to avoid talking to each other about religion. We do talk about up coming holidays and such, but we try and avoid getting into any religious debates. Good communication is crucial in family relationships. Together we decided to set up boundaries so we could coexist in an atmosphere in which we all felt respected.
Relatives are always hard to deal with. They donâ€™t understand that our family has split beliefs, and they might say or do something that isnâ€™t completely respectful toward the other faith. When this happens Iâ€™ve found it important to pull that person to the side, and remind them or explain to them that they need to be considerate of different values and beliefs.
When Iâ€™m able, I like going to church and learning about Unitarianism. Despite being Jewish, I think itâ€™s important to be knowledgeable about both faiths. I also celebrate holidays like Christmas and Easter. By doing these things I feel itâ€™s my way of showing respect for the other religion, even if it doesnâ€™t resonate with me. My sister does the same by lighting the menorah at Hanukkah, participating during Purim and reading the questions with me at Seder during Passover.