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Today Jewcy thoughtfully reported on the recent break-up of Bachelorette star Andi Dorfman and her chosen suitor Josh Murray. While this is not a surprise (few Bachelor/Bachelorette engagements lead to successful marriages), we were wondering how this interfaith couple would go about planning their wedding ceremony and how religion would play into their lives together. Though this doesn’t tell us anything definitive about their own plans for religion (if they had any), from the look of Andi’s Instagram profile, there was lots of Christmas holiday celebrating with Josh’s family and no mention of Hanukkah.
The couple put out the following statement: “After several months of being engaged and working on our relationship, we have decided that it’s best for both of us to go our separate ways,” reads the statement. “We are very sad that it has come to this point, but this is what’s best for both of us individually.”
Elissa Goldstein pretty much sums it up below, wondering what role religion played in their pre-engagement conversations and why religion is so under wraps on the show. In any case, we say talk, talk, talk, and then talk some more before getting engaged!
“Here at Jewcy HQ, we can’t help but wonder how much the couple’s religious differences might have contributed to the split—she’s Jewish (and seemingly pretty secular), he’s a devout Christian (with Jewish heritage). Close readers of Tova Ross’ season 10 recaps will recall that the show’s producers conveniently elided these facts in their race to the ratings altar. We never saw Andi or Josh (or any of the suitors) discuss hot-button topics like politics or religion—you know, the sort of stuff couples should talk about before getting engaged. Did these conversations take place? Perhaps, but we’ll probably never find out, which is kind of a shame. Regardless of the reason for the split (hey, maybe Andi just didn’t want to marry into a family of Chiefs fans), it’s weird—even remiss—that The Bachelor franchise has an embargo on conversations about interfaith dating.”
Over the three years since InterfaithFamily/Chicago began, many brides and grooms have asked me to connect them with another couple in a similar religious situation to see how they have successfully navigated their relationship. Many times a Catholic woman marrying a Jewish man has wanted to speak to someone else who can understand how her mother and grandmother feel about the faith, upbringing and baptism, specifically, of a theoretical baby one day.
No matter what wisdom I can share from how other couples have worked out interfaith issues, there is nothing like speaking one-on-one with someone who has actually been there. We have done our best to connect couples over the years and have heard back about how helpful those matches have been.
Because we have seen what an organic need this is, we are thrilled that we received a JUF Breakthrough Fund grant to launch a comprehensive and supported new, innovative Mentoring Program for interfaith couples and families.
We are just beginning the program. If you are an interfaith couple seriously dating, engaged or married or an interfaith family with young children who would like to be paired with another couple or family who shares a similar religious story and lives near you, we would be so happy to make a match for you.
The mentors will be available to you through email, phone and in-person to talk through how they handle holidays and extended family, how they made religious decisions, how their kids have felt about their family’s decisions and all the other questions that can come up for interfaith families. The mentors will also invite their mentees to their home between December and May. You may be able to get together in-person (depending on your schedules) for certain holidays or at least to see how the other couple observes a Sabbath and brings peace, time for reflection and revitalization to their lives.
We will stay in touch with everybody and make sure the matches have been successful and that participants are benefitting from their new relationships. This is really a shehecheyanu moment for us at InterfaithFamily (the prayer of joy and gratitude that is said upon doing something for the first time). In the middle of this hard-to-pronounce Hebrew word is the word “chai” (life). This is a prayer about celebrating the joys of life. We have wanted to pair couples with one another in an organized program for some time and we are so proud and happy that the time has come.
InterfaithFamily/Chicago just offered a book talk on David Wolpe’s book Teaching Your Children about God. In the book, Wolpe makes a couple of observations. He writes that we often sense God or something bigger than ourselves in beginnings. This is why when something new starts, we sometimes feel an urge to mark that with prayer or a ritual. He also explains that it is through God’s presence that we can truly see each other. I pray that as we start this new program that it draws people closer to one another and to sacred purpose, hope and inspiration.
If you would like to be paired with a mentor couple or you would like to serve as a mentor couple, please email Judy Jury at email@example.com. Judy is the Jewish educator who will be directing this new program. The mentors will participate in a training program on Sunday, November 9 at the Weinger Northbrook JCC to consciously articulate and think about their religious journeys and how they can best support a couple just starting out. At that meeting, the mentors will receive the contact information for who they will be working with. Mentees can be expected to be contacted by their mentors soon after that date.
We look forward to hearing from you!