Downton Abbey Portrays Reality of Interfaith RelationshipsBy Gerri Miller
Go inside Season 5 Episode 9 where the story line of Atticus and Rose's interfaith relationship comes to a head.Go To Pop Culture
As our friend Jason Miller reported earlier today, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and longtime girlfriend Priscilla Chan were married yesterday.
A year and a half ago I expressed concern that the Jewish world was about to “blow it” again with a celebrity interfaith couple. At the time, a columnist had speculated that Zuckerberg was in love with Chan because she was not Jewish. I said that was ridiculous and offensive, and worried that we were going to see the same kinds of negative reactions to Zuckerberg’s relationship with Chan as we saw from Jewish leaders about the wedding of Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky.
Sure enough, Dr. Aliza Lavie, from Bar Ilan University in Israel, reportedly spoke out against Zuckerberg’s marriage and pronounced that “The children of another successful Jewish man will not be counted as Jews.”
Dr. Lavie, we beg to differ. There are thousands and thousands of children of Jewish men who count themselves and Jews, and who are counted in significant parts of the Jewish community as Jews. It is tiresome but necessary to keep on repeating this to Israelis – and to many American Jews too who haven’t yet got the message.
We send a hearty mazel tov to Mark and Priscilla and we hope they will find welcome and support and encouragement whenever and however they may choose to engage in Jewish life and community.
You know it’s official when it’s on Facebook:
Mazal tov to Drew Barrymore and Will Kopelman! They’ve made their wedding date (June 2) public.
E! Online suggests the rushed wedding date is because she’s pregnant (they refer to the upcoming wedding as “bumptastic”), but I have a different theory.
Traditionally, the time between Passover and Shavuot is a period of semi-mourning. The period is known as the Omer. But what’s an “Omer”? It was a unit of measurement used for counting barley sheaves brought as an offering to the Temple in ancient Israel. The 49 days from Passover to Shavuot were each marked with a sacrifice of barley; today we count the days (“counting the Omer”) instead.
The rabbis of the 2nd century saw the period of counting the Omer as a “semi-mourning” period. As a result, some Jews refrain from having weddings or parties, dancing, listening to music or getting haircuts — all of which are customarily avoided during shiva (first week of mourning) — during the Omer.
There’s one escape from these restrictions: a minor holiday called Lag BaOmer (or “Lag b’Omer”) that falls on May 10 this year, 33 days after the start of Passover. The name literally translates to “33rd (day) of the Omer.” On Lag BaOmer, the restrictions are lifted for the day. (Check out how one Californian handles the restrictions in this humorous video.)
But back to Drew and Will.
E! Online reports that the wedding will be small and intimate, taking place at Drew’s home (er, “estate”). And, “keeping in line with the traditional values of Kopelman’s close-knit family, his family rabbi is expected to conduct the service.”
Since we’re currently counting the Omer, and since Will’s family (and, presumably, rabbi) are “traditional,” maybe they’re not wanting to be married during the Omer. Which would mean the first chance to be wed would be May 10, a Thursday. Most Americans choose to marry on the weekend so that family and friends can travel to and from the event. Not so easy to do in the middle of the work week. So the next option would be waiting until a weekend after Shavuot. Shavuot starts the evening of May 26 and ends the night of May 27 (for some communities, including many Reform congregations) or the night of May 28 (for the rest of the Jewish communities). The next weekend after that? Yup, June 2.
You heard it here first: Drew Barrymore and her fiancé, Will Kopelman, are following the laws of the Omer.
A few interesting articles crossed my desk this morning, all about Passover.
The Four Questions
The Four Questions hold a central spot in the Passover seder. Why is this night different from other nights? Reform Judaism, the magazine for the named denomination, asks in its spring issue, “What’s your favorite language for reciting the first question?” They include 20 examples of that first question asked in different languages, from Phoenician to Thai to Klingon.
I’ve signed the Four Questions before (both in ASL and LSQ) and recited them in French. Which languages does your family ask them in? Have you tried having each person at the table ask one of the questions in a language that they know? It’s an interesting way to make the questions both universal and accessible in new ways.
The Ten Plagues
In discussions at your Passover table, how do your friends and relatives view the plagues? Inside Magazine, of Philadelphia, offers a review of the Ten Plagues, another central component of the Passover seder. In “Decimation and Emancipation: Understanding the impact of the 10 plagues,” competing opinions are presented on the importance of the plagues, their historical accuracy, their relevance, and more.
One view is that the plagues are “political allegory that is part of Exodus, the Israelites’ ‘birth of a nation’ story.” But that there weren’t ten, they didn’t happen in that order; there wasn’t this unnamed Pharaoh. Instead, the plagues represent the “systematic dismantling of the Egyptian socio-economic system, which was based on agriculture and the Nile.” In other words, they were formed so that the story is, “Our God brought Pharaoh of Egypt to its knees. That’s why we Israelites have the right to live independently.”
The opposing view could be summarized as more faithful. “Having not found proof of the plagues doesn’t mean they didn’t happen. It means the proof has not yet been found.”
Of course, food is super important to the seder! Jamie Geller recommends three Passover recipes that won’t “taste” like Passover. (Score!)
Then there’s the confusing matter of kitniyot (legumes, corn, rice, soy/tofu, etc.). Last year, we offered a concise guide to Passover food guidelines via our pals at JewishBoston.com. This year, the Jewish Journal (greater Boston area) expands on that guide with Corn, Rice? Yes, No? – and some often contradictory answers:
Dessert: the Afikomen
Not every seder is lucky enough to host Jake Gyllenhaal (sorry!), but you can enjoy his company for a few moments:
As far as “new thoughts” goes, this one might be a stretch. But come on – who doesn’t love Jake?
Hopefully some of these thoughts will help liven the discussions at your Passover seders this year!
Stephen Colbert is getting ready for Passover.
Colbert introduced the segment – an interview with author Jonathan Safran Foer – with a joke that the only Jew in the audience chuckled at (a reference to the four questions).
But the interview itself was fun and included some good questions for the author of the New American Haggadah. Watch for yourself as they talk about the tradition of retelling the Exodus story each Passover, and what Safran Foer hopes people will experience with his new haggadah (hint: he hopes it makes you “feel” not just “read”).
Of course, Colbert being, well, Colbert, he couldn’t resist a jab or two: “You think you can improve on Moses?” He continued, “You got some matzah balls, buddy.”
We’re occasionally contacted by folks in the entertainment world. Seems we’re not the only ones obsessed with interfaith families, joys and struggles and all.
Do you have a big decision to make? A new network television show is looking to feature individuals in interfaith relationships who are facing tough decisions in their lives. Couples can be anywhere in the USA; if selected shooting would require five days. The casting director wrote,
As our criteria for “big decisions” is open, we invite all individuals facing a big decision to send us details of their situation — what they may consider “not important enough” may end up being perfect for our show.
“If you are going through one of the above situations or something similar,” he continues, “[email@example.com]contact us today[/email]!” Make sure to include your full name; city and state; contact information; several clear, recent photos of yourself; and details of the tough decision you are currently facing.
There wasn’t an interfaith angle there for us (that would have been too easy!). But instead, Oprah mentioned, in her video interview with a member of Chabad, the mezuzahs she saw on doorposts.
In speaking to the community’s sense of “reverence” and “faith in God,” she said,
“The power of God in your life… the sense of honoring that with the – what is it, the word that starts with an M, when you come in-?”
The Chabad rabbi offers the word for her, “Mezuzah.” She continued,
“Mezuzah. When you come in the door. The sense of reverence for acknowledging that there is something, not just something but the power of God, that is greater than yourself, that we’re all here in service of that, is what I think has endured [in Jewish communities over the ages].”
That’s certainly one reason that some may put a mezuzah on their home’s doors. But she continues, making me think that she could enjoy any number of our mezuzah resources, like our booklet (Mezuzahs: what’s on the door) or video on how to put up a mezuzah.
“In the [family’s] home, they had a mezuzah in their doorway. And I love the very idea of a reminder every time you walk into the space, walk through the doorway, you touch it and are reminded that this isn’t just my home, it belongs to God. One of the things I’m always trying to do is to get people to look inward and to discover the path for themselves that they need….”
Oprah, if you think your path needs a mezuzah as a reminder of a greater good, of God, of sacred space, I’d be happy to show you how to affix one to your home’s doors. Call me anytime.
InterfaithFamily/Chicago is offering our first two classes this year, which I am excited to be facilitating.
The first class is for interdating or newly married interfaith couples, offering the chance to think through how they want to bring religion into their lives. The second class is for interfaith families with young children, trying to figure out how to bring aspects of Judaism to their home (more than just Hanukkah!). This class with help the parent who isn’t Jewish gain knowledge about major aspects of Judaism that directly impact parenting and to see which of these traditions they feel comfortable embracing and making their own.
As I have been talking to different people about both of these classes, a couple of interesting things have come up. Here are two scenarios I have heard:
To these families I say, you don’t think you want the rubrics of religion in your lives but your children, like you, crave rituals and order, meaning and purpose. Every Jewish tradition and holiday has an ethical message or undertone to it. Lighting the Shabbat candles is as much about the spiritual as it is about the ethical, bringing family together for a special meal and time to share once a week. The Hebrew and blessings will come as you feel comfortable, but there is room within authentic Judaism for you to “do” Judaism in your own way, with your own language and your own interpretations, filling you in ways you may not yet be able to imagine.
To these couples I say, there is no such thing as “traditional” Judaism. You can connect to authentic Judaism, which is so richly spiritual that hearing the words of old told through a modern lens will fill you with awe, wonder, inspiration, joy and connectedness (that perhaps you never felt growing up at synagogue!). You can connect to Judaism today through nature, through yoga, through meditation, through study, social justice, and just hanging out with other interfaith couples and talking about what’s really important in your lives and families.
* * *
If any part of either or both of these scenarios resonates for you at all, join us for the Raising a Child with Judaism in Your Interfaith Family course or Love and Religion workshop.
Love and Religion – Online is a four-session workshop for interfaith couples who are seriously dating or newly married, on exploring the issue of religion in their relationships. This workshop offers a safe environment for couples to work on creating religious lives together. The sessions will be each Wednesday for four weeks, starting February 1 in person, and then online February 8, 15 and 22. Each session runs 7:00-9:00pm and includes online resources including facilitation via videoconferencing. The cost is $36 per couple.
Raising a Child with Judaism in Your Interfaith Family is a one-of-a-kind, eight-session class for interfaith parents thinking about whether and how to bring Judaism to their home, their lives and their parenting. This class runs February 27 through April 27. Participants will learn one session each week online, with two additional in-person meetings for the whole family: a Shabbat experience on March 23 and a wrap-up session on April 22.
The stuff of identity (childhood memories and experiences, what works for you today, what’s important to you right now) is so complicated and can’t be summed up or wrapped up neatly in a scenario. But these are all of the kinds of things we can explore more deeply in these classes. I look forward to learning with you!
I watch my fair share of television. I have a pretty good grasp on pop culture. But when it comes to reality shows, I tend to stay away from them. (With the exception of competitions on the Food Network, of course.)
So it’s more than a little annoying that, when my colleague Heather emailed me a recap of a recent episode involving that K-family, I knew who all the players were. In recent weeks they seem to have permeated certain levels of general, casual discourse in ways few others have. Everyone seemed to have an opinion on the wedding of Kim and Kris, on the eleventy-billion hour television wedding special, and, of course, on their divorce after 72 days. I wish I didn’t know any of that.
So I read the article, in the Wall Street Journal of all places, and was relieved to discover that I wasn’t as current in my Kardashian knowledge as I had feared. I seem to have, thankfully, missed this bit:
Mason saying hello to God makes Scott think he should rediscover his Judaism.
You can see the exchange in the first minute of this clip:
If we’ve said it once, we’ve said it a hundred times: talk about religion before you have kids! By the look on both Scott and Kourtney’s faces (not to mention Kim, Kourtney’s sister), they’ve clearly never discussed the religious upbringing of their son before. (I stopped watching this clip when Scott was accused of not being a “real Jew” because he didn’t know Bible stories. Knowledge does not a Jew make…)
Now if, like me, you were thrown by the two names without Ks, let me explain. Scott is the on-again-off-again boyfriend of Kourtney Kardashian. Mason is their toddler. I hadn’t known that Scott was Jewish – did you?
In this clip (about 20 seconds in), we see Scott heading to a learner’s service at a synagogue:
Someone get Scott a clip or bobby-pin to keep his kippah on!
The recap continues, showing that Kourtney wasn’t exactly supportive of Scott’s exploration:
Scott talks to Kourtney more about his Judaism. She says “There is no way that Scott is going to risk messing up his hair and wearing his yarmulke.”
According to the episode recap on RealityAired.com:
Things start off with Scott Disick, Kourtney’s boyfriend, and the father of their two-year-old boy, Mason; deciding that he wants to get back to his true self and explore his Jewish heritage. He’d like to have some sort of religion in his life that he can pass on to his kids.
The above exchange and the following can be viewed in this clip.
Back to the WSJ‘s recap:
And Scott, in his velvet blazer, is trying to put on a Shabbat dinner, while Kourtney looks on wondering “Do you know how to set a table?” He says a tablecloth is part of the tradition. Um, yeah, it’s not.
So, do you watch these K-shows? What do you think? Publicity stunt or something more genuine?
In the last Hanukkah blog post, I pointed out JWA’s request for progressive, Jewish holiday videos. And they’ve followed up, suggesting that the Fountainhead’s “Light Up The Night” might be the answer:
Our goal is to produce fun and meaningful music videos that put smiles on people’s faces and help them connect with their Jewishness in new ways. We also want to showcase the diverse, vibrant and highly-engaged Israeli-Jewish identity that is emerging in our generation of Israelis today.
The Jewish federation of Chicago (Jewish United Fund of Metropolitan Chicago) took a different approach in their video, asking you to show your “inner Maccabee” this year. Thankfully, they actually want you to do good deeds, be kind and practice tikkun olam, and not actually emulate the Maccabee’s religious fanaticism, violence or frequent parricides.
I want to like the premise of this one except… Hanukkah’s not actually a major holiday. The significance of Hanukkah for the Jews doesn’t compare to the religious significance of Christmas for Christians. (Minor holiday elevated to fill the dark nights of winter versus the birth of Christianity’s messiah? Not really on the same level…) Nonetheless, it has some amusing moments:
Looking for something for younger viewers? Shalom Sesame has a Hanukkah playlist on their YouTube channel, which includes “the Missing Menorah” (lots of holiday words, in Hebrew and English, plus a song):
Also for kids? Behrman House has published a Hanukkah story, Too Many Latkes, as an interactive iPad app! It’s full of fun features, and your little kids can press a button to have the app read the story out loud in the pre-recorded voice – or in yours! You can check out their video introduction to the app or head over to the app store to download it yourself.
But back to the videos. When I first saw this one, I didn’t get why folks were hatin’ on it. But then I kept watching… There’s someone in blackface. (Not ok!) But on the other hand, it’s probably the most accessible in terms of language… But… I don’t know. What do you think?
Pella busts out some boy band a capella moves in their “Holiday Party” (to the tune of Hot Chelle Rae’s “Tonight Tonight”), which goes through not only Hanukkah, but all the Jewish holidays.
This one’s an older tune. I think I first heard Eric “Smooth-E” Schwartz’s Jewish parody tunes in 2001; one of his Passover songs made the rounds for years, falsely attributed to many different people. Anyway, here’s his ode to Hanukkah gelt, “Chocolate Gelt.”
And let’s end with a video that came out oh, I don’t know, about three minutes ago. My buddy Naomi Less singing her new “8 Nights” song. She prefaces the video with
This winter 18 Jewish social entrepreneurs from several countries worldwide shared images about their personal meanings of Hanukkah – seeing a miracle inside of someone during the season
I admit that I recognize too many people in the video to not be biased in its favor…
If you’ve seen other Hanukkah videos you think we should share, post them in the comments or email them to me (firstname.lastname@example.org). Bonus gelt if they include interfaith families!
Some very different videos to start getting you ready for this holiday season.
Let’s start with the basics. How do you spell the name of this holiday in English? And what’s the deal with latkes? From the senior citizens at the Los Angeles Jewish Home, some of the more pressing questions of the season:
A mashup of top hits from decades past (a different era for each night of Hanukkah?), rewritten to explain the history, story and rituals of Hanukkah:
Of course, there’s our favorite video, Lighting the Hanukkah Menorah:
“It's time to light the hanukkiah, the Hanukkah menorah!” might be my favorite line.
And if you’re more a gastronomical celebrant than religious enthusiast, you might enjoy the Potato Tabernacle Choir’s performance of Cheryl Wheeler’s Potato Song:
(Wondering why there are so few videos here? Check out what our friends at the Jewish Women’s Archive had to say about the lack of progressive Jewish viral videos.)