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I Chose a Non-Jew--and the Non-Jew Chose JudaismBy Lyssa Friedman
A personal narrative of a woman whose partner converted to Judaism while she remained conflicted.
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Tag Archives: Popular CultureThey Just Don’t Get It
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You know what? Maybe I’ll go out of my way to buy a really expensive lemon, keep it in a box as I walk around town, just to use it as garnish for the fish I’m going to cook. I want to buy a lovely bouquest for my partner, but flowers are just so cliche. I know, I’ll buy some branches and a palm frond instead! Ok, snarky, yes, but that’s what some members of the press wrote about photos of Ivanka Trump and her husband, Jared Kushner, walking to/from synagogue with their lulav and etrog for the festival of Sukkot. (If anyone needed proof that Jews don’t actually control the media, here it is: we wouldn’t have made those mistakes!) shul-on-sukkot-and.html">Jewish Humor Central writes, The media’s interpretation of the photo is that of a celebrity launching a new hat style and her husband carrying flowers that he bought for her. ![]() Andy Dick Speaks OutEarlier this fall, I blogged about a rift between Howard Stern and Andy Dick. Last night, I was drifting to sleep, listening to SiriusXM, and I heard a recent interview with Andy Dick. In a blur, I heard him say that his father was Jewish. Seriously? If that is the case, then Andy Dick is the product of an interfaith family. So, this morning, I did a little more research and found an interview with Dick online where he elaborates on this. (Please note that the interview is for adult eyes only!) As it turns out, Dick was adopted by a family as a child – his father was Jewish and his mother was not. In addition, Dick had children with a Jewish woman, so, in fact, he continues to be part of an interfaith family. Now, for the anti-semitic remarks, that’s a whole other can of worms…. Joyous Yom KippurI wasn’t expecting to find many (read: any) Yom Kippur parody music videos. For better or worse, Yom Kippur is seen by many as a solemn, somber, serious holiday. Upbeat spoofs of top 40 songs don’t tend to match that theme. But, and here’s the kicker, the Talmud (a canonical text of Judaism) actually describes Yom Kippur as the most joyous day of the year! Here’s what it says: Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel says, “There were never happier days for the Jews like the fifteen of [the Hebrew month of] Av and Yom Kippur, for on those days the daughters of Jerusalem would go out wearing borrowed white clothing so that they should not embarrass those who did not own such. These dresses required immersion in a mikvah. The daughters of Jerusalem would go and dance in the vineyards and say, ‘young man, lift up your eyes and see what you choose. Do not look for beauty, look for family as it is stated in Proverbs (31) ‘grace is deceitful and beauty is vain, a woman that is God fearing is to be praised’”… Today, in some communities, people still honor this joyous tradition by wearing all white to synagogue on Yom Kippur. But for many of us, the haunting Kol Nidre service (Max Bruch’s arrangement for cello is played here), chanting the words of “who by fire, who by water” (as sung, in English, by Leonard Cohen), fasting for 25 hours and sitting in synagogue all those hours is far from joyous. So how might we see Yom Kippur as joyous this year? I polled some friends and colleagues and received these answers: [list] You might be a little puzzled at this point. Did he just mention dancing, during services, on Yom Kippur?!? Yes! Going back to that excerpt from the Talmud, the women would don their white dresses and dance on Yom Kippur. Some (admittedly, few and far between in North America) communities honor this tradition by dancing. The services I’ve attended that have included dancing put it during the afternoon Musaf service, during the Avodah section, to the Mareh Cohen (this tune, minus the accordion). All of which is to say that Yom Kippur can indeed be a joyous day. In other words, this Lady Gaga parody is totally acceptable: [sub]Glossary: And, yes, I might just have pulled some Talmud out in order to post some Gaga… Videos for Rosh HashanahIf, like me, you’re nowhere near ready for Rosh Hashanah next week, and just need a fun way to get in the holiday mood… or you just want to have a little fun, hear some sweet tunes, and maybe learn a bit along the way… here are some Rosh Hashanah videos to enjoy. Some are new (and going viral quickly!) others a bit older, but I think you’ll enjoy the selection. A musical parody for Rosh Hashanah, based on “Waka Waka” (the World Cup 2010 song) by Shakira: Another musical parody, based on Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO: [sup](Glossary: fish head – a superstitious custom of eating fish heads at Rosh Hashanah to ensure wealth in the new year; shuckling - swaying while praying.)[/sup] Todd & God: learning about the tradition of eating a new fruit on the second night of Rosh Hashanah: Shofar Callin’, hip hop by Y-Love and the folks at Shemspeed, explaining some of the religious, biblical themes of the holiday: The Maccabeats (remember their catchy Hanukkah song?) offer up Book of Good Life, a parody of Good Life by OneRepublic: A story you can share with your family about an apple tree… Want to get ready for hearing the shofar? JewishBoston.com has been blowing the shofar each day this month and posting the videos online (you might recognize this cute video starring our own Roni!). MyJewishLearning demonstrates the different shofar blasts. There was a shofar flash mob in Chicago at Wrigley Field. And for those of you who like the Muppets and songs that get stuck in your head, Shana tovah! JDate & The Search for Mr. RightI suppose my desire to rejoin JDate was reinforced yesterday in an InterfaithFamily.com staff meeting while discussing our new 401K plan. The sign up form was simple – but all I could see were two boxes looming at me: “Check here for Married.” It was like a flashing beacon in the room. I was the only unmarried one (well, unless you count Benjamin, but he’s got one foot down the aisle with his lovely fiancée). So, I thought to myself, “It’s time to get back on the horse.” It’s been a while since I’ve been on JDate. I had taken a breather to move apartments, start a new job at IFF, and you know, smell the roses. JDate has changed since I first joined (let’s just say….) many years ago. I think one of the best changes is that it now offers the option for non-Jews to join the site and can choose one of the following as the “religion” option: ![]() It appears that this was an important shift with JDate. According to its mission, JDate is “deeply committed to Israel and Jewish cultural programs” but also provides “support for numerous non-profit organizations of all faiths.” With about 50% of the population intermarrying, this is an important option for those of us still looking for Mr. or Ms. Right. For support and more information on interdating, visit here. I’m off to find my Mr. Right.Howard Stern: Anti-Semitism CrusaderAs I heard the rhythmic song begin its first beat, I knew this song was not going to be funny or clever. This morning, Howard Stern introduced his listeners on SiriusXM 100 to an anti-Semitic song created by pseudo-celebrity Andy Dick. Howard Stern, who often jokes on the radio about being “half-Jewish,” is actually the child of two Jewish parents, Ben and Ray Stern. Stern has been doing an outstanding job of defending against the anti-Semitism that Andy Dick has been spouting all over the airwaves. In an interview several weeks back, Dick ranted and raved about his distaste for Jewish people, and how he felt as if Stern only hired Jewish people. He also referred to Stern as a “shallow, money-grubbing Jew.” While Stern has allowed callers to call him a “hook-nosed Jew bastard” and other derogatory terms, he seems to uphold the philosophy that if you are going to make fun of someone, then make fun of everyone. But with Andy Dick, it’s different. His anti-Semitism is spiteful and anything but funny. It’s personal. Andy’s song, entitled “The Jews are out to get you,” includes the lyrics: Go home Jews, Hitler’s after you… Hitler’s hanging out in the shadows… he’s looking for you. There is one good thing: Andy has pulled the song from his personal website. The bad thing – you can still listen to it here (warning: you may find this song offensive; Benjamin and I sure did): I can’t wait to continue to listen to Stern defend Judaism. An American Royal Wedding?You might read some articles online claiming that this weekend there will be an American Royal Wedding. Now, I’m not sure if that’s accurate, but there are some amusing lines in one column in particular. My comments in italics for, hopefully, your amusement. Be warned: I’m channeling my innermost gossip columnist for this blog post. This Sunday, David Lauren, son of legendary designer Ralph Lauren, and Lauren Bush, granddaughter of President George H.W. and niece of President George W., will join forces in holy matrimony.I’m glad we’re not the only ones who understand that interfaith marriages can still be holy. The Labor Day weekend event, held at Ralph Lauren’s Colorado ranch, will fuse the fashions of two of America’s famed family dynasties. Think cowboy boots and American flags with a few diamonds sprinkled in. Fuse… fashion… famed family… Were they paid to alliterate? Also, is the Bush family really known for its fashion? Lauren, 27, met her 39-year-old fiance in 2004, when she was still a student at Princeton University. It was the classic tale of boy meets girl at a fashion gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.That’s a classic tale? Girl faces dilemma of taking boy’s last name, which is the same as her first.If I had a nickel… After six years of courtship, David, a VP at his father’s company, proposed to Lauren, a handbag designer and philanthropist, on the steps of the Met. She said yes and settled on being the future Mrs. Lauren Bush-Lauren.Phew. Not Mrs. Lauren Lauren. Though, Mrs. Lauren Lifshitz has a nice ring to it… In all seriousness, this should be a lovely wedding. And not just because the dress code is “black tie with a ‘Western twist.” (Does Ralph Lauren make wedding dresses that meet those specifications?) None of the articles have given any clues to how the couple will bring together their two religions for the ceremony, but if we find out, we’ll let you know. Mazal tov, Lauren and David! Philadelphia: September 19Do you live in The City of Brotherly Love or nearby? There’s an event happening in a couple weeks that visitors to InterfaithFamily.com might find interesting. InterFaithways: the Interfaith Family Support Network is hosting an event on Monday, September 19th at the Bryn Mawr Film Institute. “From Woody Allen to Ben Stiler: Interfaith Relationships Portrayed in Film” will be preceded by a wine and cheese reception, and followed by a panel discussion. Honoring the philanthropic and volunteer work of Leonard and Dorothy Wasserman, and everything they’ve done for the Philly community, this is a great reason to go see some movie clips. See you there! ![]() “Outing” Celebrity Jews as JewsWe’ve seen these articles before, or heard the rumblings from co-workers or friends. “Did you hear that [famous person] is Jewish?” In our own celebrity column, the famous are “outed” as having Jewish ancestors on a fairly regular basis. Every time another celebrity is surprised with the news that they’re Jewish — Madeleine Albright, Senator George Allen, playwright Tom Stoppard, John Kerry (on his father’s side) — the same series of perplexed shrugs ripple through the media. Did they really never know? What made the Jewish parent turn away? Anyway, what’s the difference? Are you Jewish if you never practiced Judaism? And why is this even in the newspaper? Good questions. Thanks, Jewish Daily Forward. The latest new-Jew is Ralph Branca: Ralph Branca, 85, the onetime Brooklyn Dodgers pitcher best known for throwing the most notorious homerun ball in baseball history, the “Shot Heard ’Round the World,” which lost his team the 1951 National League pennant to the New York Giants. A lifelong Catholic, he learned of his mother’s Jewish origins earlier this summer from a journalist who then turned it into a 1,900-word front-page story in the August 15 New York Times. The usual reactions followed: What is he now, a Jewish athlete? Why does anyone care? And why 1,900 words of this trivia in the world’s leading newspaper? J.J. Goldberg, who wrote Joining the Tribe Late in Life: The Ever-Widening Circle of Celebrity Jews in the Forward, suggests that there are other questions that should be asked, but never are: Why are there so many such cases? If there are this many among the famous (and this list is very partial), how many more are there who aren’t famous? How many never find out because they’re not famous enough for journalists to poke through their family secrets? Are there any discernable [sic] patterns? Is anyone’s life changed afterward? Can we — should we — learn anything about Jewish life from these dramas? There are some answers in the article, if you want to click on over. But I think the other unasked question, of relevance to readers of InterfaithFamily.com, is: if celebrities or other famous people are so readily declared Jews, after their parents turned away from Judaism, or after a couple generations have not practiced Judaism or even known they were Jewish, why aren’t the same standards applied to the rest of us, the non-famous? If Celebrity X can be proclaimed Jewish in the media, a couple generations after their last relative practiced Judaism or identified as a Jew, why can’t Regular Citizen Y get the same treatment? Why are so many descendants of interfaith families struggling to have their Jewish identities acknowledged by the community, when the press seems so willing to hand it over to athletes, politicians and actors? Goldberg concludes, What does all this mean? Heaven only knows. And precisely because Heaven only knows, we shouldn’t expect to find all the answers. The best we can do is to keep our minds and hearts open and leave the welcome mat out for wandering kinfolk who find their way home. I would suggest instead, “The best we can do is to keep our minds and hearts open and leave the welcome mat out for those already in our midst and for wandering kinfolk who find their way home.” Russian Dolls23-year-old Diana Kosov, who wears a Star of David around her neck, breaks up with her Latino boyfriend, despite her expressed affection for him and his Maserati, after informing him she would only consider marrying a “Russian.” The Jewish Week has an article out about the Brighton Beach (a Brooklyn, New York neighborhood) Jewish, Russian community. Well, the article is really about a new reality tv show called Russian Dolls, which airs on Lifetime. Variety summarizes the show with: Apparently, “Jersey Shore’s” crimes against culture will include unleashing a torrent of heavily staged reality programs steeped in me-too ethnic stereotyping. Enter “Russian Dolls,” which has the distinction of show-casing the worst Russian accents since the early Bond movies, or back when Boris and Natasha began trying to kill moose and squirrel. Set in Brighton Beach — described by residents as “One square mile of Brooklyn jam-packed with crazy Russians” — it’s a Vodka-infused taste of Lifetime’s desperation to become hipper and get noticed. Will it work? Probably nyet. Sounds delightful, eh? So, back to the Jewish Week article, “Too Much Bling in Brighton Beach.” The second half of the article discusses the Jewish identities of the “characters” and intermarriage. Arguing that as the percentage of Jews in the Russian-speaking community in South Brooklyn has receded from over 80 percent to 60 percent or less in recent years, even prominent Russian Jews have become more inclined to speak publicly of the community as “Russian-speaking” rather than “Russian Jewish.” (An influx of ethnic Russians, Ukrainians, Georgians, Uzbeks and others accounts for the drop-off.) A rabbi that works with the local Russian Jewish community said, “Any reality show is obviously exaggerated and cannot be taken too seriously,” he said. “Still, it was good that the producers showed the guts to stand up against intermarriage. Yes, Diana called herself ‘Russian’ instead of ‘Jewish’; but the basic concept that one should marry inside one’s own community was upheld.” Rabbi Tokarsky added. “To compare ‘Russian Dolls’ to ‘Jersey Shore’ is like comparing animal life to plant life. ‘Russian Dolls’ is much better.” Was upholding “intramarriage” the point of that scene? And was it really about a Jew marrying another Jew or was it about a Russian marrying another Russian? Is there a difference, and, if there is, does it matter? ![]() [sup](L to R) Svetlana Rakhman, Anastasia Kurinnaya, Marina Levitis, Anna Khazanova, Renata Krumer and Diana Kosov star in Russian Dolls.[/sup] |