What memories do you have of growing up? How did your family celebrate holidays?
My favorite holiday has always been Passover. While I was growing up, my parents hosted the Passover Seder for the extended family. We’d add tables, outgrowing the dining room and “kids’ table” until we had a series of three tables spanning the dining room, entry way and into the living room. My aunts, uncles and cousins would all come to our house for a few days and we’d celebrate Passover.
Living in Northern California, we did not have an abundance of kosher-for-Passover options. Luckily, my aunts would buy out all the markets in Los Angeles and bring delicacies with them that would last throughout the week of Passover.
After the crowds left, my mom would make matzo meal pancakes. Light and fluffy, made mostly of egg whites and air, they were my favorite (probably because I ate them with tablespoons of white sugar on top).
It wasn’t until a month ago that I learned where the matzo meal pancake recipe came from. I should have known that my mom’s mom was not the source. My grandmother was raised Mormon and converted to Judaism before marrying my grandfather. They raised three wonderful Jewish children and always had a Jewish household (see nature vs. nurture).
Rebecca's great-grandmother, Sarah Davis
During summer break, while my mother was in high school, she traveled to Indianapolis to visit my father for a weekend while he was working there for the summer. At that time, not yet married, it was not “appropriate” for them to stay under the same roof, so while he was living with his cousins, my mother stayed with my father’s grandmother.
One morning, my great-grandmother made the pancakes for my mom. Mom immediately fell in love with them. My great-grandmother’s recipe has been a family treasure ever since.
InterfaithFamily is here to help families discover long-lost family recipes and traditions, to create your own traditions and to help you explore what aspects of Judaism you want to incorporate into your lives as you create new traditions for your family.
In the Bay Area, newlyweds and nearly-wedded couples can begin this process by joining us for our Love and Religion – Online workshop which begins July 29.
If you are lucky enough to be invited to a seder this year, here are a few tips. As you may already know, there is a wide array of observance in the Jewish religion. Every seder is a little bit different just like every family. A new person to the seder is always a delight; a new participant at the family seder is a wonderful addition. At minimum, the new guest(s) are a new audience for the often-repeated family story or family joke. If you are a little nervous, don’t be — the goal of the holiday is to learn about and discuss freedom. It is a great opportunity for you and everyone to learn.
Here are a few tips for you.
- What to bring: The easiest thing to bring is kosher wine. If you go to a wine store, someone will be happy to help you. The wine will have a symbol on it to indicate that it is kosher, and it will also say that it’s permissible for Passover. There are many wonderful koher wines from Israel and other countries around the world, so don’t think that the sweet Manischewitz wine is your only option. There is a requirement to drink four glasses of wine during the seder, so another bottle is always welcome.
- What not to bring: Do not bring any baked goods. Passover is the holiday celebrating freedom from slavery in Egypt. When the Jews left Egypt they were in a hurry so the bread didn’t have time to rise. That’s why everyone eats or talks about matzah. So be careful not to bring anything baked. Even the challah that Jews enjoy for the Sabbath is not allowed on Passover.
- The Table: There will be a table set with a large plate in the middle. It is called a seder plate. There are various things on it that will be part of the service. One warning: there is an item called maror. It is horseradish and could be very hot. Please don’t take a large bite of this or you could burn your mouth. Take a small taste and then decide.
- There will be an empty wine goblet on the table: It is called Elijah’s (in Hebrew pronounced Eliyahu) cup and is symbolic. The custom is to have a glass filled with wine, open the front door, and say a prayer. The story is that Elijah will come into the house and take a sip of wine. I had a friend who offered to set the table for her boyfriend’s family and kept bringing the extra wine goblet back into the kitchen. She laughs about it now.
- Ma Nishtana: What is this thing that people keep talking about? The “Ma Nishtana” refers to the four questions, a central part of the seder service. It is the four questions that are traditionally asked by the youngest person at the table. The four questions each start with a refrain: “why is this night different than all other nights?” It is a tradition that most families will participate in, no matter how brief the seder. The youngest child is usually excited to ask these questions the first few years (then the charm of it can wear off and many families might tease the 25-year-old who happens to still be the youngest).
- Are we done yet? For some, the custom is to tell the story of the Exodus from Egypt, partake in aspects of the seder plate, and then eat a large meal. You might think that the evening is over after dessert, but many people read the end of the service. It could take anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes or longer. It can be tough to be patient, even for annual seder goers, but the word seder means “order” and some families don’t want to deviate from this centuries old tradition of telling the story in a specific order.
Hope you have a wonderful seder! If you have any questions or other items to add to the protocol, add them to the comments section and we will address any questions or suggestions that you post.
Edgar M. Bronfman’s no stranger to intermarriage. The publicity in the lead up to his 2008 book, Hope, Not Fear: A Path To Jewish Renaissance, was full of great quotes:
“Now we have a choice. We can double the amount of Jews that there are, or we can irritate everybody who’s intermarried and lose them all.”
“[T]he rabbi who refuses to marry couples [where only one partner is Jewish] is turning people off.”
“My answer to ‘who is a Jew’ is ‘anybody who wants to be.’”
Actually, I’m having a hard time not just quoting this whole, short article, so just read it now. I’ll wait here.
In his above-mentioned book (read an excerpt here), Bronfman wrote that among Jews and the Jewish community, the
task of building a significant Jewish future requires a newly hopeful attitude. Fear of assimilation and intermarriage should not replace fear of anti-Semitism…. We must open ourselves up to new ideas and new faces and be welcoming to all who choose to participate. Openness may not be the easiest way, but it is our only way.
And speaking of enjoyment — there is nothing more enjoyable than a good story. With that in mind, we move to the Maggid section of our ceremony — a Hebrew word meaning "to tell."
Keeping with the themes of openness, new ideas, and inclusion, Bronfman has written a new Passover Haggadah
, the book used as a guide for the ritual dinner, the seder
His own family seders are large and celebratory affairs and include intermarried family members and friends old and new who are welcomed to enjoy the annual feast together.
Well-chosen readings from luminaries, including abolitionist Frederick Douglass and poet Marge Piercy, highlight the story of slavery and freedom. Bronfman’s creative and interactive approach is a story for all ages, in which readers assume a character in the Exodus journey.
It also diverts from the traditional Haggadah in a way that is extremely welcoming to interfaith families. “I decided to open the door to Elijah at the beginning of the meal instead of at the end. I always found it slightly odd that Elijah was invited to the table after the meal. My wife, Jan, and I both believe it is before this joyous feast begins that we ought to invite the stranger into our homes,” he writes in the Haggadah.
In Bronfman’s view, Elijah represents a redeemed world — a world free of racism, slavery, cruelty, poverty and greed. Elijah also represents the hungry stranger. This gesture reminds us to open the doors of our hearts to those in need during this holiday season and the rest of the year.
Inviting and inclusive, and with illustrations by Bronfman’s wife, Jan Aronson, it looks like a nice new alternative for families who want to share the storytelling and keep the seder to English.
What do you think? Is this a Haggadah your family will try out this Passover?
Trailer for The Bronfman Haggadah.
Who wants to dress up like one of the Ten Plagues?
Having grown up in a traditional family, we always celebrated Passover
seders literally: seder
means “order” in Hebrew
. We followed every word, sang every song in the haggadah
. It was long but exciting to stay up late. We certainly had fun — I stole the afikomen
and dashed under our long dining room table with my grandmother as my accomplice. My four older siblings were angry for years! That was a far better reward than the $2 I received as my prize… For once, I outsmarted them — victory was mine!
My kids enjoy seders too. We probably follow 80% of the seder according to the haggadah. Through the positive influence of our pre-school, we now have all kinds of props for our seder: a tiny baby Moses in a basket, a brick that my daughter decorated with gem stones, and homemade pillows for reclining. The kids enjoy setting the table, making place cards, and bringing every pillow they can find into our dining room.
My friends and I are always looking for ways to make the seder more fun and engaging for our families. Here are some of the tips we’ve compiled:
- Throw things! A friend says that the best way to make a seder fun is to throw things. What kid, old or young, doesn’t like throwing things when they shouldn’t be? We have stuffed frogs that are small — it’s fun to see where this “plague” lands. Just remember, if you’re using glass or crystal on your table, move the throwing to the floor or away from the table.
- Egg and matzah soup! This is a family tradition that is bizarre but really fun. Mash up a piece of matzah, and, along with two hard boiled eggs and salt, add it all to your soup broth. It makes a mess but the kids love to feel like they’re cooking. Yes, there will be crumbs, but it’s Passover — keep the vacuum handy all week!
- Make a tent! This year we are going to my friend’s house for a seder. She mentioned that she might make a tent and let us eat in the living room, a tip InterfaithFamily suggests in our Passover seder booklet. How fun! I can’t wait. Finally, I won’t have to get upset with my kids for eating with their hands.
- Write your own hagaddah! My friends did this when they were newly married. I think it bonded them, sharing their Passover memories and customs. They tell the story of freedom and talk about how freedom is meaningful in their lives.
- Dress up! Kids and adults alike can take the sheets and dress like Egyptians or slaves. And this goes well with the next tip…
- Act it out! My friend’s family encourages the kids to create a play of the Exodus while the adults enjoy a visit before the seder starts. Here’s a hint: laundry baskets work really well to pretend to float baby Moses down the river. And those plagues can be fun and creative! Or everyone can act out the dynamics of the Passover story as the seder progresses: bossing each other around like slaves and masters, building pyramids with play-dough, wading through the Red Sea, etc.
- Add five words! Go around the table and have everyone say five words of the telling of the Passover story, each person adding to what the previous person said. It will get everyone involved and will be quite amusing.
- Bingo! With Passover words, it’s a game everyone can play. Try making the cards with your kids in advance, and review the vocabulary with them so they’re ready for the seder.
If your family isn’t interested in a formal seder, have you considered watching The Ten Commandments together, while eating dinner? The kids can count how many times they say the word “Moses” (maybe making a PG version of a drinking game — pass the seltzer!).
Do you have any special memories or ideas for making seders fun? Share them!