Downton Abbey Portrays Reality of Interfaith RelationshipsBy Gerri Miller
Go inside Season 5 Episode 9 where the story line of Atticus and Rose's interfaith relationship comes to a head.Go To Pop Culture
Mia here…Ethan is at a meeting and our cat Daisy is curled up next to me. This rare quiet time inspired contemplative thoughts about my upcoming marriage to Ethan in an interfaith context. The theme of “in between” came to mind on three different levels, so I thought I would share. If anyone has had any positive experience with them, I welcome your feedback!
Level 1: Kinda sorta a “member of the Tribe” but not really ~
Level 2: What’s in a name?
And finally (thank goodness, you say!) Level 3: What’s in a Seder and an Easter Egg?
Welcome to all of our readers and thank you Benjamin for giving us this opportunity to share a little window into our lives with you.
So where to begin…well, if you read Mia’s post from last spring, you know that we established open and honest communication about our different religious/spiritual beliefs from Day 1. Mia continued to learn more about Ethan’s beliefs and attended more high holiday services with his family, and Ethan joined Mia at another Christmas celebration, this time fully prepared!
We are positive that such honesty helped bring us to where we are today: preparing to celebrate our decision to spend the rest of our lives together! (As Mia would say “forever and Ever and EVER!” in a children-of-the-corn type voice.)
Usually these conversations have been hopeful and thoughtful, but sometimes they have been somewhat emotional. For example, a few months into our relationship, there was a misunderstanding about Mia’s involvement in a family event that prompted her to ‘fess up to some ongoing concerns she had been harboring without realizing how deeply they were affecting her. This lead to a sudden outburst of “but what if…” questions on Mia’s part, accompanied by tears and sniffles. One such question was, “but what if we get married, (sniffle) and have kids, (sniffle) and our kids go to Jewish day school, (sniffle sniffle) and the other kids know our kids’ mother isn’t Jewish. (Deep breath leading into high pitched voice) Will our kids get beaten up in the playground?”
Ethan chuckled as he pulled Mia into a hug. “First of all,” he said, “we Jews are not known for our physical aggressiveness, Israelis not withstanding. Second, given how tall we both are (6′ and 5′ 11″), our children will be the local giants.”
All joking aside, we both acknowledge that there are some communities that won’t accept us or our children. This is quite sad, but we have been overwhelmed by the support and love of our friends, families, and communities.
It was clear early in our discussions of our wedding that the ceremony itself would be a blending of our traditions.
On the Jew hand, it is important to Ethan to have the Seven Blessings, a huppah and ketubah, and of course the breaking of the glass (I mean really, how often do you get to smash things in public?). On the more diverse hand, Mia wants influences from her myriad backgrounds, including Celtic and Native American blessings.
To accommodate ourselves we’ve agreed to have co-officiants, the cantor from Ethan’s step-father’s shul and a longtime and well-spoken dear family friend of Mia’s. We’re still working on a lot of the specifics of who will do which readings and if there will be songs, etc… But it’s a start. And we look forward to sharing the process with all of you as we continue on this wild ride!
Most of the time, we plan to blog together, but occasionally you might get one of us who was suddenly caught up by the muse! Look out! Thank you for reading and helping us create another special community! Talk soon!
For those of you who have been around a while, you’ll remember that we’ve had interfaith couples blogging about their wedding preparations, and the ceremony itself, from time to time. The last couple to blog was Lulu and Alx, and you can scroll down to look back on all of that.
But this blog has been vacant for a while… I’ve been keeping my eyes and ears open, trying to find an interesting couple who would want to share their experiences with us. And then I found them: Mia and Ethan. Mia wrote an article for InterfaithFamily.com last spring, in which she shared details of their relationship, how they shared holidays and family meals with each other.
So when I saw Ethan’s family (I’m good friends with two of his sisters) congratulating the couple on Facebook, I pounced.
Ethan and Mia will start blogging here about their plans for their wedding, the decisions they’re making about religious elements, and more. (I personally hope that Ethan’s step-father, a rabbi, will chime in…)