Are you having a Jewish wedding?

“Are You Having a Jewish Wedding?” is a question that I seem to field a lot from friends of mine. I’m not sure why, but initially this kind of bothered me. “No, it’s going to be a fusion,” I’d reply, somewhat annoyed. I’ve come to realize that I was concerned because the question seemed to disregard my faith, my religious background. I was worried that people would assume that Dana’s faith was the prominent one, much the same as I used to get a little anxious when people would (jokingly) ask me if I was converting.

The more I thought about it, however, the more things I came to realize about the question. First, it generally came from non-Jewish friends of mine, whose exposure to Jewish customs was limited to pop culture representations. They weren’t asking whether Dana and I would sign a Ketubah or be married under a Chuppah. They didn’t want to know who would be reading the 7 blessings or if we would partake in Yichud following the ceremony. They wanted to know if I’d be stomping on a glass and getting picked up in a chair. A resounding “Yes” to both of those, for the record.

Secondly, I realized that I couldn’t accurately answer the question “What is a Catholic wedding?” Aside from being in a church, which wasn’t happening, and sharing Communion, which is also a no-go, a Catholic wedding doesn’t have much to set itself apart. Sure, I want my uncle, who is a Jesuit priest, to be involved in some capacity, and there are a couple of beautiful readings from the New Testament that I would like included, but other than that I am perfectly content to let the ceremony take shape as it will. The fact is that the Jewish faith has more customs and traditions for weddings, and I have to say that I am enamored by many of them.

I’ve been to a few Jewish weddings with Dana now, and one wedding between a Jewish woman and a lapsed Catholic that was probably the most similar in appearance to what ours will be. Aside from the breaking of the glass and the Hora, I love the symbolism of a Chuppah. Dana’s mom has requested various articles of clothing from both of our large extended families and is quilting them together to make our Chuppah. We will be married beneath the symbolic shelter of their love and support, and will keep this quilt throughout our lives together. I am also always struck by the power of the 7 blessings. We haven’t determined exactly what they will sound like or who will read them, but it does strike us as an opportunity to get many more people involved in the ceremony. Our wedding parties being limited to just my brother as best man and her sister as maid of honor, this is a great opportunity for other people to take on an important role. More than that, I have been moved by the obvious emotion shown by everyone who reads one of the blessings, and the intimacy it adds to the ceremony. Another element I am excited about is the Yichud. The interfaith couple I mentioned before introduced me to this concept, and I like the idea of taking a little bit of time after the ceremony to just be together, to celebrate our love and our union before we take the stage and start glad-handing during the reception.

A final element that I am excited about is the Ketubah. The same interfaith couple made their own contract which featured a beautiful drawing by the groom, and this is something I am interested in doing as well. I’m thinking about drawing a picture of a tree and some birds in flight, echoing a quote that my mom has hanging on the wall in her house, “There are only two lasting bequeaths we can hope to give our children: one is roots, the other wings.” I like to think that this is a good foundation to build a marriage upon, the idea of stability and freedom as equal elements. I know that the roots of our marriage are deeply embedded in our families, and we will try to honor them both by including elements of their religious faiths in our wedding ceremony. Exactly what it will look like, we’re not sure yet, but we know that it will be special and that it will be us.

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