This Is What We Are Going To Look Like For the Rest Of Our Lives


I made a comment to Lisa while we were getting our hair done together this week. This is what you and I are going to look like on our wedding day. It was a jarring statement that caught Lisa off guard.

I did not mean that we were walking down the aisle in jeans and hooded sweatshirts. I meant that if you asked 5-year-old Ryan what he would look like or who was the man he was going to be on his wedding day, he could not have imagined it. And everything is different from what I imagined on my 15th birthday. And even at 25, I would not have believed you I would be getting married 600 miles from where I grew up and that was only four years ago.

At the beginning of this blog, I was asked to introduce Lisa and me as a couple. That couple could not have planned what lay ahead for the both of us. It is amazing to look back when I first started writing in April and see the changes in our lives that have happened since then. Many of them were not planned, but Lisa and I remained a team and got through all the ups and downs together. The wedding we planned in April is nowhere near identical to the wedding that is happening in just 8 days.

Where am I going with this? I don’t know.

My spiritual mentor Scott and I talked about the power of “I do not know” this week during our weekly chat. Sometimes in life, it is best not to know. There is a lot of truth in that statement. We tend to get caught up on what we do know, and forget that we do not need to know everything in order to be successful. We simply have to trust that G-D has got it worked out.

Easier said than done. Especially this close to the date and you feel like you have to know everything. Everything needs to be set in stone. And maybe for the wedding it does have to be. However, at the moment, in life, it is best that I do not know life’s full plan. Knowing that I love Lisa with all my heart is really all I need. Life’s other details will be taken care of with or without my help, it seems.

I have talked about being spiritually ready to get married throughout the course of this entire blog. I can say that I am ready and have not even gone to the mikveh yet. What I thought “spiritually ready” looked like in April, and actually feeling it now, into my soul, are two very different things.

Simchat Torah: Celebrate the Endings and Rejoice the Beginnings

The Grooms Party

We just celebrated Simchat Torah as a community. The purpose of the holiday is to celebrate the conclusion of one cycle in the Torah and the beginning of another. In the spirit of the holiday, I found myself closing a lot of chapters in life and looking forward to new ones.

Last week, I had the opportunity to visit the East Coast and spend some time with family and friends.

I certainly felt that with that trip, there were some chapters closing. I played in a “Send-Off” roller derby game. The send-off was because it was the end of my bachelor party and my very likely retirement from the sport that brought Lisa and me together. There have been a lot of mixed emotions over the sport and how the last year with my involvement in the sport ended. It was more than one could hope for, to play with some friends, have a good time, and being able to end something that has meant a lot to me for the past five years.

I also look forward to starting life anew. Many people have commented, “There is no difference between the day before and the day after the wedding.” For the moment, I am going to disagree. Although there are some things on paper that change, and yes some of our daily life will remain the same, I think that spiritually this is a new beginning. Without that thought rooted deep in me, this wedding would not mean nearly as much to me. At the end of the day, in front of everyone and G-D, we are beginning our new life together.

One Ending. One Beginning.

I have been talking about being spiritually prepared for the wedding in many of these posts. It is only now with a little bit of time and deeper reflection, I am not where I wanted to be, but I am where I needed to be.

November 21st (just two weeks after my wedding) will mark my fifth year of abstaining from drugs and alcohol. The significance of this is that it will mark precisely two separate lives. My drinking career which lasted roughly about five years (I was a little late to the game) and the one I now live completely sober. And yet, I find myself feeling like I’m back to the beginning.

That trip back East certainly opened me up spiritually. Not because I spent a lot of time with former mentors, although that did help. I just became able to let go of more things that I was holding on to and that were keeping me” blocked off.” I also became very aware that G-D is always working in my life, and that losing my job was a blessing. It also has brought out some deeper feelings as I am scheduling the mikveh. This is all new. A new low led me to a new beginning and a new perspective.

An ending. A beginning. Another beginning.

Life is like the Torah. It never really ends. You celebrate the endings and you rejoice in the new beginnings.

Circle Up for the Horah!

Circle up everyone, it is time for another blog post!

It is Friday so let’s put on our dancing shoes and talk about the Horah!

Dancing is Just Controlled Falling

After talking about it a couple months ago and Lisa unsure, we have decided that we are all in!

The Horah is a traditionally Jewish custom where guests circle up and dance around with linked hands, while another group of people lift the bride and groom in chairs. If you are still lost and need examples feel free to pop in Fiddler on the Roof or go on over to YouTube.

Although, it is a Jewish Tradition, there actually is not a very deep spiritual meaning to it. Some people dance in lines and Jews apparently dance in circles. So this means this tradition is very open to your own interpretation and room to make it your own.

As I mentioned before here, we will likely use Harry Belafonte’s version of Hava Nagila. Hava Nagila is the traditional song and Belafonte is a family tradition so it fits well.

We also have recruited a couple friends to be in charge of hoisting us up in celebration. As I broke the news to Nick, my best man, I congratulated him on being a fine physical specimen with rhythm. He is a boxer and a musician so the mold fits. We then asked our friend Sarah, who is Jewish and competes in CrossFit competitions to be the other captain. She was happy to oblige as well.

The next piece we needed was someone to lead the circle, and we asked our friend Paula who is the person who talked Lisa into the Hora in the first place. Paula and Seth actually have a large part in our wedding and it seems almost by accident. They went with us to the caterer that we chose and Seth, her husband and my colleague, is signing our Ketubah.

We have some more things planned with it all, but it is not yet finalized, so I will wait to share the details.

Slipping the Night Away?

I know this week is a little light, but with so much going on, I feel a bit all over the place. Which when talking about movements where you are easy on the feet and dancing around, it might be the best way to write this post.

Shabbat Shalom everybody!