Downton Abbey Portrays Reality of Interfaith RelationshipsBy Gerri Miller
Go inside Season 5 Episode 9 where the story line of Atticus and Rose's interfaith relationship comes to a head.Go To Pop Culture
I have always known December as a time to prepare for Christmas. Now that I am in an interfaith relationship, December is a time for many holiday celebrations. Sam grew up in an interfaith household celebrating Christmas with his mom’s family and Hanukkah with his dad’s family.
Growing up, Sam’s family all picked one day to give their Hanukkah gifts. For example, on the first night his dad gave his gifts, and then on the second night his mom gave out her gifts and so on, as to make the excitement of Hanukkah last. I think I like this idea of gift-giving and would like to continue this tradition as Sam and I start having a family of our own.
This year, we were able to exchange all of our gifts with each other on the first night of Hanukkah. Each night thereafter we gathered on Google Hangouts. The image above is his parents (who live in Pennsylvania), his sister, Diana, on the right (at the University of Maryland), his other sister, Stacey, (in Brooklyn) and Sam and I (in New Jersey).
This holiday is unlike all other holidays that I know. All the holidays that I grew up with, we got together as a family for a day or two, but we were hardly ever together celebrating a holiday for many consecutive days. There are 12 days of Christmas and 3 days in the Easter Triduum, but we are never all together celebrating during all of these days. During Hanukkah, each evening, for 8 days, we gathered together to celebrate, by chanting the blessings over our respective menorot. For these consecutive days, we are in touch with each other on a daily basis: wishing Sam’s sister well on her exams and then hearing how well she did on them, hearing of his parent’s quest to find a nice December movie, or his other sister who always has several stories about living above a modeling agency. It is comforting to know that even as adults, my
Two weekends ago, Sam’s extended family had their Hanukkah party at his aunt’s house and exchanged gifts with everyone in a Pollyanna. In my family, we do a Secret Santa on Christmas Eve. I’m not sure which one I enjoy better, the element of surprise in the Secret Santa is always fun, but then again, there is less stress in knowing who has who in Sam’s family. I love hanging out and talking with his family. The conversations at this year’s Hanukkah party seemed to always circle back to wedding planning. It was so much fun hearing the different proposal stories and how his aunts and uncles met each other!
It’s still a little strange to me, to go into someone’s house during December and not see a Christmas tree. It’s also a little strange having a Nativity scene and a menorah as decorations. I guess I am still getting used to the differences in the December Holidays. Sam and I will have to figure out these holiday traditions when we start having a family of our own, but until then- it’s Christmas with my family and his mom’s family and Hanukkah with this dad’s family!
Dana here. Even though Thanksgivukkah has come and gone, I thought I would write about how we, as an interfaith couple, celebrated. Thanksgiving has been a tricky holiday for us. Chris’ family always does Thanksgiving at his parents’ home with a morning football game and other traditions while my family tends to switch it up each year, sometimes hosting or going to another relative’s home. Up until this year we had never spent Thanksgiving together but as it was our first Thanksgiving as an engaged couple we decided we would be with Chris’ family this year and with mine next year.
However, Hannukah threw a wrench into those plans and we were back to the drawing board. We knew we wanted to spend some time with my parents and celebrate Hannukah and we also wanted to be with Chris’ family for Thanksgiving. So, how did we make it work? We joined! Chris’ parents suggested that me and my parents come up and spend Thanksgiving with their family. Some couples may have been apprehensive about this arrangement but our parents get along great and have spent a lot of time (and consumed a few bottles of wine or scotch) together in the past few years.
From the very beginning Chris’ family asked how we could incorporate Hannukah into their Thanksgiving celebration. My parents brought up their Menorah and Chris, in fact, bought some clay and built a Menurky and a dreidal. When Chris and I arrived Wednesday evening the house was decorated in blue and white and geilt was scattered around the table. I was so touched! We gave a bit of background about the holiday, we sang a few songs, lit the candles and exchanged some gifts. We did the same, with much fuller bellies, on Thursday night after Thanksgiving. Chris’ family had lot of questions, which we answered as best we could, and they participated in lighting the candles. It was a really special few days that both of our families shared.
Chris and I are very lucky. We have two wonderful and very accepting families and realize that not all interfaith couples are as fortunate as we are. But it was truly magical to have both families coming together to share in this year’s unique holiday celebration. We challenge any other couples in 78,000 years to celebrate Thanksgivukkah in such style!