When S**t Got Real

  
Jose & Emily

Jose & Emily at a wedding over Labor Day

All the wedding planning up until now was smooth. It felt like a dream, somewhere between a fairytale type of dream and the feeling of being separated from reality. Like those moments when you first fall asleep and can’t decide whether you are awake. At some point, I should have pinched myself to see if I was awake. Instead, life took care of that for me.

Things in my life changed. Some things were bad. Things started happening in the lives of those very close to me. Everything collided simultaneously. No matter what was happening, it wasn’t raining—it was pouring, and I didn’t have an umbrella. S**t got real.

I get angry thinking about earlier Emily in her previous posts. Why was she so darn cheery? Why was everything such a breeze for her? Screw her! When serious things started to happen in my life, I didn’t think I could plan a wedding anymore. I did a lot of thinking and that thinking led to doubt. Were we making decisions without thinking about budget? What is our budget anyway? Did we research things enough to make informed decisions? Was this was the type of wedding I wanted? Were the things that were chosen for us as uniquely and appropriately “me” as I wanted them to be?

Yes, we won a wedding contest, and most of the vendors were chosen for us and are free, but other things are covered at a base price that we will end up upgrading. Still, other things are not covered at all. That may add up to a considerable amount of money in the long run. Since s**t had recently gotten real in my life, I started to get insanely frustrated when people said, “Well you won a free wedding so there’s not much to complain or worry about.” OK, maybe it was my fault for telling everyone it was free, but I was suddenly wrestling with my gratitude for winning and the reality of what the final bill would be. And I certainly did have a lot to complain and worry about aside from the wedding.

I am eternally appreciative of what we are receiving, and I hate saying anything that sounds less than grateful. After all, instead of being a free wedding, it’s probably more like the sale-of-a-lifetime on a wedding, which no one really gets, and that’s nothing to take lightly.

Things have started to come around for me. I think about where I was mentally in the last month, and I’m glad everything is evening out. I am excited to plan our wedding and I’m so excited to look into Jose’s eyes as I say my vows. I realize that’s what really matters, not all the silly decisions. He’s been my rock through this adversity, and I’m weirdly grateful for everything that’s happened, since this tough time has served to strengthen our partnership. It has reinforced that Jose is the man I want to spend my life with. He always has a way of making me laugh and bringing me back to what’s important in life. He’s my best friend and my soul mate.

I’ve turned the corner mentally, aided by the contemplative and introspective time of the Jewish “Days of Awe;” the time between the Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashanah) and the Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur). This time offers the chance to right your wrongs from the last year and reflect on how you’d like to improve in the next year. It’s an interesting task to contemplate the sins you’ve made against yourself, your loved ones and your community. This offers a chance to connect deeper with family members and those close to you, and to reach out for support.

With plenty of time to think, I arrived at a place of happiness and contentment with our wedding choices and with what we have been given. The wedding will be incredible, and not because it’s some magical fairytale, but because it’s real. Because it isn’t perfect. Because real s**t can happen in our lives and Jose and I can get through it together. Because we are better together than we are apart and I want to scream that from the top of the Loews Hotel Philadelphia in December!

A Hard Year Behind Us, A New Year Ahead

  


“Rosh Hashana is the new set of instructions, the new game plan coming down from Heaven.” – David Sacks, Leader of The Happy Minyan.

One of the things we celebrate at this time year is the chance to begin anew.

As of this past Friday, life is going to be starting in new ways quite frankly which we had not planned. I lost my job. And for the first time in awhile, I am simply at a loss for words.

I was trying to come up with a theme or message for this post, but keep coming up short. Therefore, I will do what happens when I go and give a mentoring talk and am not feeling incredibly inspired. Just share my honest experience and hope I am able to help one person.

This year has been tough, for Lisa and me. A year ago, I was stuck in a chair, completely laid up due to a massive knee surgery. The return to normal from there has been a long process and I still feel some of the effects of that every day. Lisa and I also were pushed out of one of the things we loved most in this world and the thing that brought us together: roller derby. And now, we are dealing with the loss of a job. All while planning a wedding.

Jilly, a niece and a flower girl, after her first roller coaster!

This weekend we had a simple mission. Put one foot in front of the other one. Do the next right thing. Be in the moment. The remainder of Friday was spent talking to my spiritual adviser as well as my temple rabbis. One even shared that while she was getting married, her husband lost a job too. Saturday and Sunday we were visiting Lisa’s family, trying to remain normal and focus on being around people who care for us. When I look back at the weekend, I remember the people who cared, the people who reached out and the look on our niece, and flower girl’s face after she got off her first roller coaster.

Monday, we are back to the new reality.

Tuesday, we marched ahead and continued planning our wedding the way we envisioned it. We are too far along to be able to change much.

The next couple weeks are now going to be split between holidays, wedding planning and a job search. Lisa has a lot coming up as well. Her bridal shower and attending her first Jewish High Holiday services.

These upcoming weeks are going to be interesting. So in the meantime, L’shanah tovah (Happy New Year).