Downton Abbey Portrays Reality of Interfaith RelationshipsBy Gerri Miller
Go inside Season 5 Episode 9 where the story line of Atticus and Rose's interfaith relationship comes to a head.Go To Pop Culture
“You can’t walk away when it gets a little heavy now. “ With all the stress that has fallen onto Lisa and myself over the past couple weeks, Cody ChesnuTT could not be any more right when singing the tune, entitled, “Love is a More Than a Wedding Day.” Through the bad times and the good times music plays a big role in how we remember an event. We sing songs to mark events, like Happy Birthday, and to celebrate holidays like Christmas and Hanukkah. When thinking about the topic of music and weddings, I took to the Internet and just realized how much music happens at any wedding and how it reflects the whole day.
Looking at the songs during the ceremony, I found out there are songs played before and after the ceremony. There are songs throughout the ceremony. Songs for the bridge and groom and songs for the guests. Then the one I actually did think about was what song would Lisa like to come down the aisle to? I have got my homework cut out for me.
I think the most fun song(s) come at the reception. There will be lots of dancing as I am known to dance and dance well and enjoy it. Since this day is about Lisa and me, I can guarantee there will be some music everyone can dance along to. And according to one article I read, it is considering a mitzvah (a good deed) that friends come and dance with the bride and groom. (Any friends reading this, this means you.) However, those songs do not carry much weight and probably will be forgotten in time.
What about the music that says who we truly are? We are already having a nice mix of inter-faith practices during the ceremony, but what about during the reception? Lisa admits the chair dance also officially known as the Hora terrifies her, but we have not officially ruled it out. Mainly because I Iove Harry Belafonte’s “Hava Nageela” and it is a tune that I loved to listen to with my grandmother and one of the records we would bond over towards the end of her life. We may actually look for a way to update the Hora, starting a new tradition to honor my grandmother and still make Lisa feel comfortable. More details to come…
Lisa and I are 99% sure we have our song because it was on the first mix tape (CD) that I ever gave to her. It is simple and actually does wrap us up in the nutshell. Instead of gushing about it, you can just listen to it here.
I began to think about the parent/child dances. Lisa and I are not sure whether we should select the songs or have our parents select the songs. I actually am enjoying the inner dialogue I’m having about selecting the song for the mother and son dance. It is a time to reflect on our definitions of family and what is most important. The Torah (Old Testament) talks about honoring your parents and it is one of the tenets we hear the most. It is applicable to both our faiths as a couple and generally some good advice. This is just one instance in which we get to honor the commandment during the day and in our lives with some extra weight tacked on.
Clearly, music has a big effect on the day. Sometimes it is a spiritual decision. Sometimes it is about who we are every day. Sometimes it is about having fun. This topic will continue to unfold and hopefully closer to the wedding, I will have an update and perhaps a full playlist to go with it all.
The DJ we’ve hired for our wedding– in 5 months!– has an incredible online system for music requests. (Shameless plug, his name is Mike Obara, based out of Central MA and he has been incredibly professional throughout the process–check him out at http://magicmikeentertainment.com/). Dana and I sat down for a few hours the other night and tried to figure out the music selection for our pre-ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner and reception. We had a few non-negotiables right off the bat: no YMCA, no electric slide, no “Shout!”, not to take away from it if that’s your kind of thing, but we just aren’t interested in any of the old cliches. Besides, we have a sophisticated and musically literate group to cater to.
An interesting thing for both of us was how to draw the line between crowd-pleasers and underground favorites. We want to play Earth, Wind and Fire “September,” and also think that even some of our older guests might be able to rock out to some Vampire Weekend or Passion Pit. How do you introduce those kinds of songs that might be unknown to a majority of the audience without clearing them off of the dance floor?
I suppose that’s where we have to trust Mike’s expertise, but we also don’t want to put him in the position of trying to play some of our requests if he doesn’t think they’ll be popular. Then there’s the issue of top 40 pop music. We both love Avicci’s “Wake me up” and Ellie Goulding’s “Burn,” and can see ourselves dancing the night away to them, but who’s to say there won’t be a new hit by June, and these requests will be out of date?
We did attend a wedding for some of our friends last summer–actually, another interfaith wedding from which we’re stealing a lot of our ceremony ideas–where the dinner/cocktail hour was all country music. We thought this was a great idea and plan to play some of our country and folk-indie-Irish favorites that would be totally un-danceable as we eat.
Overall, choosing the playlists has been a fun and fascinating process, one that we’ve both enjoyed, and one that makes the wedding so much more real and immediate. It’s really happening, and we couldn’t be happier! Getting the music squared away is one of many final details we’re starting to work out, wish us luck!