I certainly appreciate your passion and commitment to your faith. May I respectfully suggest that perhaps this is not the best forum for the tone of your discussion? While I absolutely support your choice to live your life the way you do, and to have your opinions, the mission of this network is to encourage Jewish choices in interfaith marriages. Discussing whether or not interfaith marriages are positive or negative in and of themselves seems to ignore the context of the network. People are encouraged to come here to learn about making Jewish choices; I would feel a lot more comfortable using this site for that purpose if I didn’t have to read re-iterations of how my choice is “wrong” and my children are doomed to abandon their Jewish identities. It must be equally frustrating for you to see people post and discuss about making interfaith marriages work. Perhaps your passion and commitment would be more constructive in a forum where the intended audience isn’t objectionable to you?

Micah;
I’m a he not a she. You’re wrong on both #1 and #2 points. The American Jewish population has decreased. The studies that I’ve read are very clear about that. In addition to intermarriage it’s the low Jewish birth rate, that you mentioned, that has contributed to this.
You say that the American Jewish population is undercounted but that’s based on counting people who have one Jewish parent or one Jewish grandparent. Many of them have never considered themselves Jewish but people with some Jewish heritage. There is a big difference.
The only segments of the Jewish population that have increased are the Orthodoxy who have high birth rates and practically no intermarriage. Dave is absolutely correct.

Your last point is absolutely flat out wrong. Most children of intermarriage do pick Christianity, albeit secular, over Judaism. Or most of them will be secular with no religious identity. Who can blame them when they live on a predominately Christian country and have a weak connection to Judaism.
You cite studies of 30-39% of intermarried children being raised as Jews which are flawed. Most of these children will grow up and leave Judaism. 90% of granchildren of intermarried couples will not identify as Jews. You know it’s the truth so you shouldn’t deny it.
You have your own personal agenda because your wife is not Jewish and you want to change Judaism to accomodate your lifestyle choices. I understand why you’re so defensive about the truth but don’t blatantly lie to Matt and others about the stats on the children of intermarriage.

I was offended about your last comment on Israel. You seemed to imply that Jews only marry other Jews when they have no choice. Many American Jews do actively choose other Jews to date and marry because we find Judaism important in our lives, despite Jews being only 1-2% of the population.
Lile many American Jewish males you seem to have negative feelings toward Jewish women. Maybe that’s the reason that you married a non-Jew. It’s really sad.

2/ The Orthodox are having more (the ultra-Orthdox much more) than the replacement level of Jews, so by following the Orthodox example (extremely few intermarriages, and in some communities zero), the Jewish community can be assured of growth (in the case of the ultra-Orthodox tremendous growth)

Anti-intermarriage is right about one thing, though: attitudes about intermarriage are significantly harsher in Israel than they are here. Of course, it’s easy to be against intermarriage when 80% of your potential mates are Jewish.

Glad we’re cool with each other. You’re right about a lot of things. While I’m not totally ignorant of Judaism and it’s history, I don’t know 90% of it. Nor can I relate to dwindling numbers. Unfortunately, I know about Israel’s take on intermarriage. My gal has taken more than her fair share of grief about me. It’s alien to me. I am Episcopalian. In the south, the Episcopal church and the Jewish community are very close. It pains me when I hear about the remarks made to her. My sister has been called a shiska to her face. Your opinions are strong. That is evident. Just be careful not to let it develop into an us vs them mentality in other areas. Good Luck with your Aliyah. I hope you and your girlfriend have a long happy life with many children. Also, keep in touch with me and let me know how things are going.

You see like a good guy but it’s obvious you are ignorant of Judaism and our history. I don’t mean that as an insult because I’m ignorant about being a Southern Christian American.

I and other Jews are against intermarriage because we don’t want to see our people disappear. Our numbers have dwindled because of the Holocaust, pogroms, forced conversions, self-hatred, assimilation and intermarriage. It’s easy to say that religion culture, traditions don’t matter when your people are not in danger of becoming extinct. You have never experienced the pain of thinking about the relatives that would have been born, and have never met, because their parents, grandparents were brutally murdered in concentration camps.

Jews outside of Israel are shrinking and will continue to if Jews don’t start marrying each other. Interfaith marriages are a threat to Judaism but you don’t see that because it’s something you don’t understand.

Ingermarriage is also difficult and confusing for the children. Most choose Christianity over Judaism. In fact 90% of the grandchildren of intermarried couples will not identify as Jews.

I’m against intermarriage because I want Judaism to be perserved and want to see Jewish babies being born. It has nothing to do with hatred or bigotry against Gentiles.

Israel is totally different when it comes to intermarriage than America. Your girlfriend is obviously a secular Israeli Jew but even most secular Israelis are against intermarriage. Intermarriage is not recognized in Israel. Even people with Jewish fathers have to go through conversion for their marriage to be legally sanctioned by the state.
Israeli culture is also very different than American Jewish culture. Go in with your eyes wide open. If you think my opinions are harsh against intermarriage there are 10 times harsher in Israel. I won’t wish you luck in your relationship with your Israeli girl but don’t take it personally. You seem like a nice guy but, as you can see, my opinions on intermarriage are very strong. Good luck in everything else though.

h;
You make a lot of good points. For me it’s all about priorities and values that are important in your life that makes you decide what you look for in a partner. My parents never threatened my siblings and I about intermarriage. Jewish values were instilled in us at an early age and that made us more likely to choose Jewish spouses. Take care.

as to why there are typically more conversions for the sake of marriage than of free will, that might have something to do with all the Jewish in-laws out there who want to keep up appearances and not have to deal with hearing gossip about them at shul. the only reason why i don’t like conversion for marriage is because it’s usually a result of succumbing to pressure from in-laws.

i appreciate your plans to make aliyah and raise your children in Israel. yes, they will have Jewish pride instilled in them. but even the proudest of Jews sometimes find themselves in love with non-Jews and sometimes marry them. if they are truly committed to Judaism, either their partner will see that and choose to convert or raise Jewish children (if they are not yet ready or willing to convert), or the religious difference (or parental disapproval) will put a strain on both and lead to a break-up or divorce. you can instill in the importance of in-marriage all you want in your future children. but do it in a proper manner. in other words, without threats of disowning them or that they will break the chain if they intermarry. highlighting the positives is always more constructive than the negatives.