Comments on: “Both Sides” of the Story http://www.InterfaithFamily.com/blogs/Network/parentingraising-children/both-sides-of-the-story/ Everything you always wanted to know about intermarriage, but were afraid to ask. Fri, 29 Aug 2008 08:39:55 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.1 By: Jeffrey Grover http://www.InterfaithFamily.com/blogs/Network/parentingraising-children/both-sides-of-the-story/#comment-482 Jeffrey Grover Fri, 02 May 2008 15:43:32 +0000 http://www.InterfaithFamily.com/blogs/Network/parentingraising-children/both-sides-of-the-story/#comment-482 I was privileged to be a part of that April 13th performance of "Both Sides of the Family." This was attended by a diverse group of people, including professionals and lay persons from the Greater Boston area. Micah Sachs made some important comments on his blog. This is not a rebuttal or response, per se. Rather, my chance to share some personal comments and thoughts related to "Both Sides," its creation, and what I believe we are attempting to accomplish through its performance. First, I contributed the majority of the material to my character. And, there was a lot of autobiographical material that I/we utilized. However; as with any "character," even in the best non-fiction, there is always some wiggle room in terms of reality vs. what is being portrayed for dramatic purposes. I am very transparent, and held nothing back in order to provide an emotional and real content to my character's journey throughout the play. Second, I only represented my character's demographic... my character's journey. I did not attempt to write an "everyman" character, as it would be impossible to do so, without creating a diluted and fragmented version of a real person. I do know that there are other person's stories that need to be told. We have learned that from feedback after our several performances, in Boston and in the Cleveland area. For example, what about the grandparent's journeys and experiences? Ditto that of the children? What about children from a previous marriage, suddenly dealing with a parent or parent's decision to marry someone outside of their faith? How does it affect the "family" unit, now and going forward, in the years to come? How does this affect the children's decision when considering his/her partner, perhaps years from now? Finally, I know that interfaith marriage, and the direct and indirect impact it has on the family, relatives, friends, and general community... is not a clear cut cause and effect situation. There are no guides or predictors that enable someone to know that, a. if I marry someone who is non-Jewish, and I am Jewish; b. vice versa; c. if this is my second marriage vs. my first; d. if I have kids from a previous marriage, or not; e. if I am Reform, vs. Conservative, vs. ..... f. etc. .... the particular alchemy will cause the following result. Oddly, it is probably simpler to predict who is going to win the Presidency than how an marital or family choice is going to work out. What I can say is.... sometimes the experiences with family are pleasant. Sometimes they are painfully bitter. Sometimes it matters. Sometimes it doesn't. I don't know if "Both Sides" creates a portrayal of what occurs, in re: inclusivity vs. exclusivity, for MOST families/individuals. However; it does portray what occurred with the two principals in this particular play, along their particular journeys. Our responsibility as writers/actors... is not to tell people how to behave. It is, however; our responsibility to be honest and truthful, based upon what our life experience and talents bring to the stage. To life, if you will. Jeffrey Grover I was privileged to be a part of that April 13th performance of “Both Sides of the Family.” This was attended by a diverse group of people, including professionals and lay persons from the Greater Boston area. Micah Sachs made some important comments on his blog.
This is not a rebuttal or response, per se. Rather, my chance to share some personal comments and thoughts related to “Both Sides,” its creation, and what I believe we are attempting to accomplish through its performance.
First, I contributed the majority of the material to my character. And, there was a lot of autobiographical material that I/we utilized. However; as with any “character,” even in the best non-fiction, there is always some wiggle room in terms of reality vs. what is being portrayed for dramatic purposes. I am very transparent, and held nothing back in order to provide an emotional and real content to my character’s journey throughout the play.
Second, I only represented my character’s demographic… my character’s journey. I did not attempt to write an “everyman” character, as it would be impossible to do so, without creating a diluted and fragmented version of a real person. I do know that there are other person’s stories that need to be told. We have learned that from feedback after our several performances, in Boston and in the Cleveland area. For example, what about the grandparent’s journeys and experiences? Ditto that of the children? What about children from a previous marriage, suddenly dealing with a parent or parent’s decision to marry someone outside of their faith? How does it affect the “family” unit, now and going forward, in the years to come? How does this affect the children’s decision when considering his/her partner, perhaps years from now?
Finally, I know that interfaith marriage, and the direct and indirect impact it has on the family, relatives, friends, and general community… is not a clear cut cause and effect situation. There are no guides or predictors that enable someone to know that, a. if I marry someone who is non-Jewish, and I am Jewish; b. vice versa; c. if this is my second marriage vs. my first; d. if I have kids from a previous marriage, or not; e. if I am Reform, vs. Conservative, vs. ….. f. etc. …. the particular alchemy will cause the following result.
Oddly, it is probably simpler to predict who is going to win the Presidency than how an marital or family choice is going to work out.

What I can say is…. sometimes the experiences with family are pleasant. Sometimes they are painfully bitter. Sometimes it matters. Sometimes it doesn’t. I don’t know if “Both Sides” creates a portrayal of what occurs, in re: inclusivity vs. exclusivity, for MOST families/individuals. However; it does portray what occurred with the two principals in this particular play, along their particular journeys.

Our responsibility as writers/actors… is not to tell people how to behave. It is, however; our responsibility to be honest and truthful, based upon what our life experience and talents bring to the stage. To life, if you will.

Jeffrey Grover

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