Adoption - Page 1 - InterfaithFamily.com

Page 1

< Previous

Next >

Welcome to our discussions!

Author: InterfaithFamily.com Editors
Date: 03-27-02 13:37

We're pleased to tell you that we've changed our online discussions--and we invite you to join them! When you submit a message, it will be reviewed by our moderators before it is posted. While we will accept messages that are realistic about the challenges posed by interfaith relationships, we won't allow people to vent their opposition to intermarriage, as has happened in the past. Our goal is to make our discussions a welcoming and safe place for people dealing with interfaith relationships to turn for helpful information and support. So please--join our discussions!

^ top

Please join this discussion

Author: Ronnie Friedland, editor
Date: 03-28-02 14:48

True or false: My adopted child from another country has been welcomed in my synagogue community.

^ top

Adopted children

Author: sara
Date: 07-07-03 21:36

I don't have any personal experience, but there are a large number of families in congregations I attend services with who (appear) to have adopted children form other countries. There doesn't seem to be any problme with it at all. (I go to both a reform and an orthodox shul)

sara

^ top

Re:

Author: Roberta Rosenberg
Date: 08-30-03 17:21

My husband, a retired Catholic who will begin conversion this fall, and I have 3 children. Our oldest is homegrown and our two youngest were adopted from Korea as infants.

We belong to a Reform shul in suburban Maryland with 200 or so families. We are one of many families with adopted children. Happily, there appears to be no real issues at all. (The Rabbi himself is an adoptive brother.)

However, my youngest are still quite small. Our son is almost 6, our daughter 4-1/2. For me the question will become more difficult when my son reaches the dating age. Will the question of the authenticity of his Judaism really be a codeword for his Asian-ness?

So ask me in about 8 or so years.

Roberta

^ top

Re: Please join this discussion

Author: Alice Hale
Date: 05-10-04 15:01

My child was not adopted from another country, but is biracial (African-American/Caucasion) so she looks different from most of the children at our Conservative synagogue.

We have never felt anything but total acceptance from the community, and as far as I know, neither has my daughter. I will admit, however, that as she is now 10, I don't know what she experiences every moment she is there. She has never expressed any feelings of exclusion to me, but that does not necessarily mean she has never been told she is not "really" Jewish or looks like she doesn't "belong."

Except for not liking Hebrew school (which is more typical than not) she seems comfortable and at ease at shul. She has many friends, knows just about everyone, loves the rabbi and Hebrew school director, even still gives her preschool teachers hugs when she sees them.

I think it helps that she has been around there since she started preschool at 2, and that we are very actively involved -- we go to services often, are very active volunteers, and have a network of friends we see socially. In fact, I would say we have worked hard to really make this community our spiritual home so that both of our daughters feel a sense of deep belonging and inclusion.

^ top

Re: Welcome to our discussions!

Author: Sandy
Date: 05-12-04 00:42

I would love to find out the name of a Reform Rabbi that could assist with the conversion process for our adopted daughter. We adopted our 6 year old daughter from Russia 1 year ago. We would like to find someone in the Nassau/Queens area. We live in New Hyde Park, NY. I am Jewish. My husband is not Jewish however we wish to raise Sara Jewish.

I would love to get some contact names. I have been trying for a while.

Thanks,
Sandy

^ top

Re: Jewish Adoptee

Author: Susan
Date: 08-05-04 05:15

Hello,
I was adopted ,in Massachusetts, at age 4 months in 1954,into a Christian Protestant family(baptized and raised as such). As an adult I was told that my biological mother was Jewish. Why I was put up for adoption in a state agency,instead of a private Jewish one, is beyond me(perhaps she and parents were not observant Jews).

I am seeking help,opinions and ideas regarding myself identifying as a Jew. I have always been drawn to Judaism. Am I a Jew though? Though I have been told it by my adoptive parents, I cannot prove it(adoption records in Mass. were/are sealed). My simple,adoption ammended birth certificate lists me as "white",with the name "Marla" and with no other ethnic/religious identifiers. My adoptive father did say that a last name told to him by a social worker was Snel or Snell.

Any comments are most welcome!

Thankyou,
Susan

^ top

Re: Susan's post

Author: BobP
Date: 08-05-04 16:38

Susan

I am no authority on this - but it's my understanding that if you can prove that your biological mother was Jewish, then you would be Jewish without any need to convert. Since you say you cannot prove it, a formal conversion would be necessary.

You may be able to petition the court, as records that were once forever closed have been opened by the courts. If you can get your bio mothers name, you may be able to find out if she was Jewish.

Just curious - how would your parents know your bio mother was Jewish since the records were sealed? A last name is no guarantee - I wonder if the social worker was making a guess. And I don't think that religion was included on birth certificates. I know mine (from PA in 1951) has nothing on that.

BTW, have you spoken with a rabbi in your area? He/she may have some suggestions as well.

Good Luck

Bob

^ top

Re: Adoptions

Author: Sylma Gonzalez
Date: 10-14-04 09:24

Good Morning! Hi my name is Mrs. sylma I Gonzalez I,m a foster mother for jewish child care association for about 13 years or more i adopted two beatifull girls that bring joys to my life ,and now i'm in the process to adopted another girl that she is with me for about 4 years already to my own experience this is one of the most beatifull thing that a human person do to make others in needs to find joys in their lifes,i will liked to help one cousin that she wants to adopted a baby . she being married for about 14 years and they can,t not have any childres of their owns, please imformed me what they have to go to start planning to get a baby, they try so many places and nothing yet and they spend a lot of money and nothing, they want to provide for a child who needs a loving paren'ts, a healthy enviroment,love and care etc. Thanks, Mrs.Sylma I ,Gonzalez

^ top

Personal Experience

Author: Barrie
Date: 12-12-04 16:22

Just a few comments regarding some of the earlier posts:

I was adopted at birth and raised Jewish, yet I was born to a Roman Catholic mother. FYI, I did have to undergo a formal conversion as a child in order to be considered Jewish -- even though I was raised Reform, my conversion was conducted by an Orthodox Rabbi, complete with mikvah, etc. I still have my formal conversion papers. SO, if anyone is wondering about their kids and whether formal conversion is necessary, YES. This issue of whether I was converted was raised at my Bat Mitzvah and again when I married -- in fact, the rabbi who married me was conservative and actually wanted proof of the conversion in order to conduct the ceremony. (Nothing like having to prove you're Jewish -- what a great feeling). Unless you undergo such a conversion, your identity as a Jew is not recognized by the faith. This was an issue for my sister as well -- because as an infant she had been very ill, my parents never completed the formal conversion. She did, however, attend Hebrew school and prepare for Bat Mitzvah -- however, before she could actually be Bat Mitzvahed, she had to be converted -- and at that point, she was 12. And this was for a Reform service.

As for identity issues, although I was not adopted through international avenues and do not have racial issues to contend with in dealing wiyth muy Jewish identity, I did still face some difficulties that linger today (I am 32 years old). Because of my Scottish and Irish blood heritage, I am blond, blue eyed, and the polar opposite of the sterotypical Jew. Consequently, I heard a lot of derogatory comments about JEws firsthand ("wow -- you don't LOOK Jewish" -- as if we all look the same) that I don't think I would have heard otherwise, and it was difficult for me to deal with a child. I would imagine that if I was of Asian descent or African AMerican, this was be exacerbated further. As a kid, I felt out of place in the synagogue, but I didn't feel Christian either. Deep down I still had to admit to myself that even though I was raised a Jew, the overwhelming odds were that I wasn't born Jewish -- and it did instill a sense of contempt for Judaism somewhat, since here I was, incensed by Jew commetns and the anti-semitism faced by Jews all the time, and knowing that it was ojnly chance that I was being subjected to it in the first place -- if someone else had adopted me, I wouldn't have to deal with the remarks and ignorance at all.

I don't know if that makes sense to people out there reading this or not.
My guess is that it's a pretty safe bet that an adopted JEwish kid of African American lineage will have these sort of feelings at some point. It can leave you pretty conflicted about religion in general.

The irony of it all is that I actually met my birth family as an adult, and they knew I was a Jew, yet as far as they weren't concerned, I wasn't legitimately a Jew -- in their minds I was a Catholic, period, no matter how I was raised. Just something else to add to the internal conflict.

Ultimately, as I have become an adult, I identify more as a Jew than I ever did as a kid. Maybe it was a function of maturity and reconciling within myself that whatever chance may have brought into my life in terms of faith, I am who I am and Judaism is the only faith in which I can feel comfortable. This isn't to say I'm actively practicing. I'm pretty secular, but from a cultural standpoint, I am a Jew. Period. I am now married to a Presbyterian man, and my faith has become important enough to me that I insisted that our 6-week old daughter be raised Jewish. The benefit of my experience as an adopted JEw I think has been that I am more acutely aware of how much a part circumstance plays in who we are and what we believe, so I think I am more receptive to my husband's beliefs.

I guess the upshot of all this rambling is that for those of you who have adopted Jewish kids and you're wondering how they'll adapt with age, relax. Yes, I think there w3ill undoubtedly be some identity issues, but listen to what they say and be receptive to hearing how they feel. If they appear resistant to hebrew school and jewish youth groups and camps, etc, don't think it means a rejection of the faith. They're just trying to figure out who they are. It doesn't mean they're not going to embrace Judaism, it just means they are confused and as they get older, that confusion will subside. Just don't push too hard with the religious stuff -- if there was anny one thing my folks did to make the situation harder for me, it was to push hebrew school and jcc camp thing too hard, and I think the result was that it took longer for me to reconcile who I was and what I believed than might have been necessary.

Hope my experience is helpful to some of you out there.

^ top

Re: Personal Experience

Author: Bill
Date: 12-17-04 23:31

Hi Everyone,

At age 45 I discovered that I was adopted at birth. One year later (last week) I learned that my birthmother was from Ireland. The information on my father is that he was of USA nationality so that lineage remains a mystery. I am assuming he was Irish so as not to complicate matters for my spinning head.

My great dilemna is determining what is real and what matters. I never went through a formal conversion but was Bar Mitzvahed. I am secular, but much of my identify is bound to my cultural Jewish background. I look Jewish so no one ever questioned my identity.

Sadly, I now find myself with a somewhat shattered identity. I can't stop thinking that even though I am the same person I was two weeks ago, I am changed. Part of me thinks it doesn't matter. You are what you are in your heart. In my heart I am a human being shaped by Jewish identity.

This is a true test for me as I have always said people are all basically the same, just from different neighborhoods. It's funny how when confronted by a reality such as this it is so much harder to accept. Therefore, I can't imagine myself not being recognized as a Jew by my community. I realize how much of who I am and how I live my life is due to my Jewish upbringing.

I am seriously confused.

Shalom,
Bill

^ top

Re: Bill's post

Author: BobP
Date: 12-18-04 18:44

Bill - you stated <<I never went through a formal conversion...>>

Have you asked your parents if they converted you when they adopted you? That was (as far as I know) a "standard" when a Jewish couple adopted an infant. If they did, then your Jewish "identity" is assured.

If there's any doubt, you could elect to 'formalize' your conversion. I'm no expert, but I imagine that this would not be a long or difficult process.

I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to find out at 45 you were adopted. But it doesn't change who or what you are.

Good Luck,

Bob

^ top

Re: Bob'sPost

Author: Bill
Date: 12-19-04 18:50

Hi Bob,

Thanks for the response. I have no idea if there was a formal conversion but will ask. It would make sense for there to have been one. I was thinking of speaking with a Rabbi concerning this as well.
I appreciate the support.

Regards,
Bioll

^ top

Re: Jewish Adoptee

Author: Caroline Spaughton
Date: 01-02-05 12:10

Sorry. This has very little to do with previous postings, but here goes. My great great grandmothers maiden name was Snell. In her will (1902) she left her wedding ring and her Mizpah ring to her son. I assume these were obvious of great sentimental value. I would love to know if she a Jew/of Jewish descent .

Does anyone have any thoughts?

She married in a C of E ceremony

Caroline

^ top

Re: Jewish Adoptee

Author: brenda lininger
Date: 01-14-05 05:32

i'm jewish both my father and mother are jewish . my birth parents had me adopted b through a private attorney named robert marchetti , and with people my father knows my birth father stayed in my life but know i can not locate him.

< Previous

Next >

Getting Married?

Adoption - Page 1

Page 1