|
Bar and Bat Mitzvah - Page 4
|
Page 4
| Re: Non-Jewish Bar Mitzvah parent |
Author: Beth
Date: 12-24-04 18:55
My Catholic husband was previously married to a Jewish woman. They had a child together who is about to celebrate her bat-mitzvah. We have been told that the rabbi at her reformed temple does not allow non-Jews to speak. We have also been informed that the parents will not be giving speeches during the ceremony.
I want to be sure my husband is recognized for being a very involved, loving and supportive father in his child's life. I know that he and his daughter will both be disappointed if he is kept from participating.
Can someone offer any insight or advice? |
|
^ top
| Re: Candle lighting |
Author: Daryn Wittels
Date: 01-11-05 21:36
hey my name is daryn and my Bat Mitzvah is in 10 days and for my candle lighting speech i dont have 1 for reletives in town and if anyone of you can help me oh my God that would be great!!!!
Daryn |
|
^ top
| Re: Non-Jewish Bar Mitzvah parent |
Author: Rosie
Date: 01-12-05 22:30
All I can say is that some synagogues have more speeches than others. Our first child had her bat mitzvah at one where the rabbi didn't favor a lot of long sentimental speeches, and I don't think any of us gave speeches. Our second daughter had hers at a place where there are arguably too many speeches (five or six). At least one person commented that he didn't hold with all these speeches. Fortunately, they were all pretty good speeches, but I can see how some rabbis can get sick of listening to some of these very self-serving speeches about how adorable their kid is and how important the family is, etc., etc., and they would just prefer to keep all that at a minimum. In divorced families especially, the speech-making can get very competitive and sometimes there are unexpected fireworks, a rabbi's worst fear. Every rabbi probably has some horror stories to tell of how one parent or even the child has used a bat mitzvah as an opportunity to even scores, put down, or humiliate the other parent.
Remember that technically speaking, a bat mitzvah is just one more prayer service, or one more person who's qualified to play a normal role in the services. It is not a special event, like a wedding or funeral, but it's something that would be going on anyway even if there were no girl celebrating her coming of age.
The reason I'm telling you all this is because you should understand that some congregations just do things that way, and it isn't necessarily anything personal. They may be playing it low key because the parents are divorced. Perhaps the girl's mother has some lingering resentment that your husband has remarried. Does she have a new husband of her own, or might she be jealous? There might be some strange fear on someone's part that your Catholic husband might use the occasion as an excuse to preach his own religion or otherwise do something that makes people uncomfortable. Maybe they never let parents speak (unlikely at a Reform synagogue) or they're silencing the mother as well as the father just out of fairness. I would agree that he ought to be able to say something, but I wouldn't let it hurt my feelings or get all worked up about it or boycott the ceremony or anything. I expect it means a lot to the girl just to have her dad there. Sometimes children can have unrealistic expectations about how their families will get along at these events, and perhaps she needs to adjust her expectations and be content with something less spectacular. |
|
^ top
| Re: Non-Jewish Bar Mitzvah parent |
Author: Paul
Date: 01-13-05 09:27
As a non-Jewish Bar Mitzvah parent myself...see one of my earlier postings re participation. Simply standing on the bimah during part of the service is a significant action which makes a parent's involvement clear to all, and to which some rabbis will agree. The only 'speaking' during the service is the service itself, and I can completely understand why a rabbi would not therefore allow a non-jew to 'speak'.
Presumably, however, there are to be speeches at the party? Could your husband not speak there? |
|
^ top
| Re: ANSWERING RSVP |
Author: LAURIE
Date: 01-13-05 13:12
WHAT WOULD BE THE PROPER WORDING FOR ACCEPTING AN INVITATION TO A CLASSMATE'S BAR MITZVAH. IT WAS ADDRESSED ONLY TO MY SON, DOES HE GO ALONE? HE WAS INVITED TO THE MORNING SERVICE, KIDDUSH AND BLACK TIE CELEBRATION IN THE EVENING. THANK FOR ANY HELP |
|
^ top
| bar mitzvah vs bar mitzvah |
Author: Linley Kerr
Date: 01-13-05 20:19
Hello,
Is there a difference between Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah?
Lin |
|
^ top
| Re: bar mitzvah vs bar mitzvah |
Author: Rosie
Date: 01-14-05 12:58
<<Is there a difference between Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah?>>
Well, yes, and no, and yes, perhaps.
"Bar" means son and "Bat" means daughter. I suppose it would be an unkind insult to your intelligence to explain the difference between a son and a daughter.
Seriously, however, synagogues may or may not make a difference between the way they mark the occasion for girls and boys. In Orthodox congregations, where women are not allowed any public part in the prayer or Torah service, a bat mitzvah celebration may consist of only a meal or party, or the girl may simply give a speech to the assembled group or after dinner. In my experience, Conservative, Reform, and Reconstructionist congregations handle both occasions exactly the same, with the only exception being that they may give a girl a pair of candlesticks as a gift and a boy a kiddush cup. |
|
^ top
| Re: Non-Jewish Parent's participation |
Author: Anonymous
Date: 01-16-05 20:16
I don't know what you should do... You should probably go to it and just have fun because you will be talking about your religion and that is all that matters! |
|
^ top
| Re: Non-Jewish Bar Mitzvah parent |
Author: Beth
Date: 01-20-05 17:34
Rosie and Paul,
Thanks so much for your kind words of wisdom. There are many points that we had not thought of. Our bottom-line is that our daughter have fun and is happy.
Therefore, we have decided to write her a letter that she can hold on to...or not...but that is something special from us in celebration of her bat mitzvah and her 13th birthday.
Thanks again for taking the time to write. |
|
^ top
| Candle Lighting Ceremony |
Author: Renee
Date: 01-20-05 23:57
It is popular in the Midwest to incorporate a Candle Lighting Ceremony into the reception of a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. My daughter will become a Bat Mitzvah in April and I heard of people having it at the end of the Synagogue service. I wish to honor family members with this honor but I do not want to make a long drawn out affair of it either. Any suggestions on how to incorporate it into the end of the service? I find it boring to do at the reception and most of the time you can't hear it anyway. Thank you. |
|
^ top
| Re: Candle Lighting Ceremony |
Author: Rosie
Date: 01-24-05 12:47
Renee,
I first learned about this ceremony on this website. I can assure you that "popular in the Midwest" is an exageration. I would talk to your rabbi and ask if this is something your congregation even allows. Where I live, bat mitzvahs are usually held on Shabbat, so there is no lighting of candles. There are plenty of appropriate honors for family members at a bat mitzvah. |
|
In modern Jewish practice, Jewish boys come of age at 13. When a boy comes of age, he is officially a Bar Mitzvah ("son of the commandments"). The term is commonly used as a short-hand for the Bar Mitzvah\'s coming-of-age ceremony and/or celebration. The female equivalent is "Bat Mitzvah."
In modern Jewish practice, Jewish girls come of age at 12 or 13. When a girl comes of age, she is officially a Bat Mitzvah (\'daughter of the commandments\'). The term is commonly used as a short-hand for the Bat Mitzvah\'s coming-of-age ceremony and/or celebration. The male equivalent is "Bar Mitzvah."
The raised platform in front of the sanctuary which holds the ark in which the Torah is kept.
Blessing over wine that sanctifies Shabbat or the holidays.
Religious obligation or commandments; good deeds.
Spiritual leader and teacher. Typically, but not always, leads a congregation.
The Jewish Sabbath, from sunset on Friday to sunset on Saturday.
Place of Jewish worship. Same as synagogue.
The first five books of the Hebrew Bible, or the scroll that contains them.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Send to Friend
Save To My Profile
