Intermarriage and the Reform Movement - Page 1

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Welcome to our discussions!

Author: InterfaithFamily.com Editors
Date: 03-27-02 13:50

We're pleased to tell you that we've changed our online discussions--and we invite you to join them! When you submit a message, it will be reviewed by our moderators before it is posted. While we will accept messages that are realistic about the challenges posed by interfaith relationships, we won't allow people to vent their opposition to intermarriage, as has happened in the past. Our goal is to make our discussions a welcoming and safe place for people dealing with interfaith relationships to turn for helpful information and support. So please--join our discussions!

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Re: raised as jews

Author: scotty
Date: 04-29-03 15:25

True or false: The Reform Movement's acceptance, as Jews, of the children of Jewish fathers who are raised as Jews is very welcoming, but the ambiguity of what "raised as Jews" means can be problematic

I don't think it is ambiguous at all. "Raised as Jews" means just that.

How is a Jew raised then?
With Jewish values enforced in the home. A respect for people of different faiths and ethnicities. A respect for parents, and people in general.

Jews are raised with Jewish experiences, revolving around Jewish holidays and Jewish issues- JEWISH RELIGIOUS TEXTS, TORAH, TALMUD, Midrash, etc.

I believe that even if you are intermarried it is still possible to raise your child Jewish - Reform or not. It's just a whole lot harder to do so.

The fact that the Reform movement doesn't explain what "raised Jewish" means, is of little consequence.
There are certain elements of Judaism that are unique to Judaism. The holidays and their meaning, for example. There are other ideas that are more universal that are taught in many religions, such as those expressed in the 10 commandments, for example.

Using the term "raised Jewish" is an exclusive term, though, because there are some things, if taught to your children, cannot be considered Jewish. If you teach your child, or allow the child to be taught, that Jesus is God, messiah, etc., that is not Jewish. Same thing if you teach your child there is more then one God - like in Buddhism. If you take your child to church on a religious holiday, on a consistent basis, you are not raising your child Jewish. (It's one thing to do so to learn about another religion on an academic level, it's different when you go because mommy or daddy doesn't go to synagogue.) If you allow for these scenarios or others similar to occur within your household, then you are not raising your child Jewish.

If you are not going to raise your child as a Jew, exclusively, I can't see why you'd even want to participate in the Reform Jewish movement. If you want to raise your child in two faiths, then of course you can, but that's not the same thing as raising your child Jewish.

There is nothing ambiguous about what it means to be Jewish. You can raise your child Jewish even if you are married to someone of another faith, as long as you don't give your child a RELIGIOUS education about that faith, whatever it may be. When that happens, you truly have raised an interfaith child, not a Jewish child. This can cause great confusion and stress for children, which is why I do not believe in such things.

A child can be raised Jewish or in another religion. Either is fine. Just not both. That's what Reform Judaism is trying to prevent when it puts that clause in its bi-laws.

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Re: Rabbi's Refusal to Perform Wedding Ceremony

Author: Barbara Judd
Date: 06-01-03 17:26

My husband who was raised Protestant and I who was raised German REFORM Jewish were fortunate enough to have a wedding ceremony in 1971 performed by a rabbi at a temple in which my grandfather from Berlin helped found in St. Louis. My husband came froma religious family and had studied to be a Christian (akin to Congregational) minister. We also had a minister assist in the ceremony. This was a welcoming experience for both my husband and myself. Many years later my husband converted to Judaism and is active in a "reform" synogogue in the Northeast. I continue to be uncomfortable there due to the fact it is most unlike the reform Judaism that I grew up with in the 1950's and 1960's.

My son has been immersed in Japanese language and culture. He attended a Japanese high school for one year, majored in Japanese language and international relations in college, and studied for another year in Japan in college. Isaac graduated one year ago from college and began a position as Coordinator of International Relations for the National Silk Road Foundation in Nara, Japan. As expected, he fell in love with a Japanese girl who is Buddhist. Junko and Isaac asked to come back to the United States and have a Jewish wedding. Do you think our rabbi, who has known Isaac since he was ten years old, would respond in any positive way to their request of a Jewish wedding? Of course not. The facilities of the synogogue cannot even be used. To me, this shows outright rejection of Isaac and Junko. It smacks of bigotry and ignorance towards another religion and culture. How can "reform" judaism behave in such a way? This is most destructive for the future of Judaism. It will send the young people running away and most of this generation's Jews are intermarrying. We should be welcoming other religions, not rejecting them. The synogogues also are not showing any sense of community support especially where I live in Connecticut.

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Re: Interfaith couples and ordination

Author: Sandra
Date: 11-14-03 09:41

I find it odd as a committed Catholic married to a committed Jew that the Reform movement will not consider ordination of a man who is inter-married. A movement which ordains gay rabbis married to Jews and who will now be ordaining a transgendered person, surely has room for two people who are each true to their own faith -- doesn't it?

I am curious if anyone has any comments on this issue. It is deeply troubling to me, as my husband has for many years been interested in becoming a rabbi.

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Re: ordiantion of interfaith couples

Author: scott
Date: 11-16-03 14:18

<<I find it odd as a committed Catholic married to a committed Jew that the Reform movement will not consider ordination of a man who is inter-married. A movement which ordains gay rabbis married to Jews and who will now be ordaining a transgendered person, surely has room for two people who are each true to their own faith -- doesn't it?

I am curious if anyone has any comments on this issue. It is deeply troubling to me, as my husband has for many years been interested in becoming a rabbi.>>

I think to be gay or transgendered is something different than ordaiing someone who is married to a person who is not Jewish. How can you justify ordaining somebody as a religious leader, when he has not fully commited himself to that religion? Its one thing to be a congragant and be married to a gentile, but to be a Jewish leader, who is supposed to set an example of how to be and live Jewishly, and then expect a rabinical council to ordain you despite the fact that you have married someone who is not jewish, is rather unrealistic. I am glad the reform movement has drawn the line here.
You talk about being true to your faith, i think one of the elements in being true to yor faith is marrying within your religion. Weather you are Jewsih or not. Would the church ordain a minister or a preist who was married to a Jew? Probably not. Why should the synagogue do so?

I'm not sure why this is so troubling to you. A rabbi has to be fully commited to the jewish faith-that means marrying someone Jewish. Even if he feels trully commited to his religion, the appearence is that he is not, because he married outsiode the faith.
***** Appearance is very important.***** Even this web site claims it does not encourage intermarriage. If a rabbibniacal council ordained a rabbit married to a gentile, it would practically be a stamp of approval for intermarriage. I mean, if a rabbi can intermarry with no religious consequences, then that sends a signal that any Jew can do so. The reform movement, like this website, does not want to encourage intermarriage. Thats why your spouse isnt being ordained.
As a rabinical student, really, your spouse should know better, and should have figured that there might be an issue of him becoming a rabbi if his spouse was not Jewish.

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Re: Welcome to our discussions!

Author: Mary Cunningham
Date: 12-21-03 12:34

My daughter, who is not particularly religious but was raised Catholic, is marrying a man raised in the Reform tradition. From the little she has told me, I gather she is planning an entirely secular ceremony. However, she has recently said that she expects to raise her children as Jews. I think that's fine, but is she being realistic? How would Reform Judaism regard the children of a secular marriage between a Jewish man and an agnostic?

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Re: Welcome to our discussions!

Author: Rosie
Date: 12-22-03 11:28

What kind of wedding the couple choose to have has no effect on the Jewishness of the children, and it should have no impact on any Jewish institution's willingness to accept them.

I am not Reform, but I can tell you that the Reform movement would welcome such children and accept them as Jewish, under the conditions that one parent in Jewish and the parents are trying to raise them with Judaism and not with any other religion. Is that realistic? Email me.

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Re: Jewish Weddings

Author: Larry Feigen
Date: 12-22-03 12:53

My son is marrying a non Jewish girl. I want to know the consequences to the faith of his having a real Jewish wedding versus a civil ceremony. What effect will that have on the children, and on their ability to participate in Jewish events etc.

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Re: Rabbi's Refusal to Perform Wedding Ceremony

Author: Larry Feigen
Date: 12-24-03 09:32

I fimd this disturbing. Apparantly your son was "raised Jewish" as indicated in the first article. I would find another place and another rabbi, bring this rabbi up before the board of the temple, widely distribute this terrible decision, and leave the temple, taking all my friends with me.

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Re: Jewish Weddings/larry

Author: scott
Date: 01-18-04 20:26

larry,

I think reforem Judaism will accept your sons marriage no matter what, as long as there is a 'comitmment' by him and his wife to raise their children in the Jewish faith, exclusively. The fact that he is only having a civil cewremony, i think, most reform rabbis would find that irrelevant.

Scott

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Re: Rabbi's Refusal to Perform Wedding Ceremony

Author: Arlene Leader
Date: 03-08-04 18:44

I am looking for a Rabbi to marry my daughter who is getting married Friday afternoon at 3-330 PM est July 2, 2004 in Brooklyn NY to a Catholic boy in St Andrews Church. Can you please suggest a Rabbi who will perform this ceremony.

Arlene Leader
954-322-1050

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Re: Shabbat

Author: Carmi Landes
Date: 04-30-04 18:21

My husband supports raising our children Jewish. We celebrate Shabbat every Friday night. However, he finds the rituals stale, rabbinic i.e. pedantic, and not inclusive. I would like to hear from other couples with ideas for updated rituals that maintain the beautiful tradition of Shabbat but modernize it to make it inclusive of non-Jews.

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Reform Judaism in Japanese

Author: Tom
Date: 07-01-04 04:11

If anyone knows of a publication in Japanese explaining what Reform Judaism is about I would appreciate knowing what it is. (For adults as well as children).

Thanks Tom

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