Jewish Muslim Relationships - Page 5

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Re: jewish/muslim relationship

Author: Nadia (---.dsl.sbndin.ameritech.net)
Date: 12-28-04 14:50

Thank you for your respond Anon.

Re: question????

Author: Anon Qns (208.253.168.---)
Date: 12-28-04 17:40

Hi Alejandra,

One of the things that I did at the beginning of my relationship was clarify our expectations - that is I made sure he knew that I thought that neither of us should be asking the other to convert. How we dealt with that was for me a gage regarding whether or not I would be happy having a relationship with him. I spent and still spend a lot of time trying to understand my own needs and expectations, as well as his.

I think that clarifying this in the beginning enabled me to keep dating him. The other thing was that I told him I wanted my children to have a Jewish education - which I guess could be considered as being different than being identified solely as Jewish. That's how he took it anyway. The children issue doesn't go away, it gets bigger, especially because without actually having them the whole conversation is theoretical. For me, having been raised Jewish and having had it hammered into my head that too many of us were murdered in the Holocaust and now we have to make up for it and regain our numbers, I have a lot of guilt that I need to work on. My belief is that's something that I would experience regardless of the choices I am making and that it is related to issues larger than me. Nonetheless, I am choicing outside my "race" or "tribe" or whathaveyou.

Regarding how to deal with this in our relationship, I have found that it is a fine line between trying to confront difficult discussions that you should address head on and not overanalyzing the theoretical or talking from a place of mistrust and putting my partner through some kind of "whatif" test.

My view is that much of what you wrote about is up to you. What kind of Jew do you want to be, how do you want to live a Jewish life, how do you want to define Judaism in practice, and what kind of conversion process are you are going through. Those are some questions to think about, I guess.

I have to admit that on a certain level I have become very religiously relativistic compared to how I viewed Judaism in the past. I wouldn't subscribe to moral relativism but I don't equate morality or spirituality with religion. I see Judaism as my channel to G-d and Islam as my husband's. I see it as my path to somehow walk in between and keep learning about both. I don't know who's belief it is, but it is clear to me that nothing is ever finished so it remains incumbent on me to keep learning and learn about different views and learn to embrace opposition while standing firm on my own ground. I am sure that some will find that overly simplistic, heretic or something, but there you go.

That's my view. I hope it helped in some respect.

Anon Qns

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Re:

Author: Anon Qns (208.253.168.---)
Date: 12-28-04 17:43

Alejandra,

PS. I will say this - don't feel stupid - it is not worth it! Also, you say religion is important to him - maybe you should clarify for yourself in what way it is important to him as a means of getting more information for how it is important to you. I've found that Mohamed and I value religion in similar ways even if we are practicing different traditions.

Best,

Anon

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Re: I'm a british/australian jew and my girlfriend is a turkish musilm

Author: Pinar (---.dsl.pipex.com)
Date: 12-29-04 16:57

Hi

You left a message on the website about interfaith relationship.It is so strange that I have a Jewish Canadian boyfriend and I am a Turkish girl.We are having the same problems that you had last year.I wonder are you still together? Married?

Thanks

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Re: jewish/muslim relationship

Author: pinar (---.dsl.pipex.com)
Date: 12-29-04 17:05

Hi I am a muslim Turkish girl and my boyfriend is Jewish.We are having the same problem.I am a very modern muslim and not practising my religion also my parents.Anyway When I met with his parents They asked me about raising children.When They found out I rather them be non-religious than Jewish.They made my 3 weeks holiday like hell! One of the reason what I dont want them to be Jewish is having so much problem.My boyfriend gets upset all the times IF someone says someting about jews ( bad or good) BUt If it happens to me I just let it go.And Jewish families can be so cruel to their children sometimes about the religious.

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Re:

Author: alejandra (---.230.75.92.Dial1.Houston1.Level3.net)
Date: 12-30-04 01:05

thank you.....Anon , I really appreciate your words....and I am going to start thinking about this....

please don't hesitate in contact me......

Sincerely,
Alejandra

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A quick question

Author: Aziz (---.vic.bigpond.net.au)
Date: 01-01-05 10:03

I would just like to firstly congradulate and thank those who have successfully pursued an interfaith Jewish-Muslim relationship and have passed on useful information to other participants on this board. Your helpful advise is no doubt of immense valuable importance.

I have one question to the participants of this discussion board. I have noticed that many (or most) Jewish-Muslim interfaith relationships involve couples where at least one member is not religious and view their religious background/upbringing as purely cultural. I would be interested to know if there are any Jewish-Muslim interfaith relationships involving couples where both partners are religious and where both partners follow the religious law in regard to relationships and dating. Is it even possible? While it is encouraging to hear of some success stories, it would be interesting to know if couples who are in this category can infact make a success out of their relationship.

ps: I am a Muslim who has been a hafiz (memorized the entire Quran since age 10). I was delighted to find out about this website and I wish success and happyness to all of you who seek it.

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Re: jewish/muslim relationship

Author: Vered (---.dsl.bezeqint.net)
Date: 01-02-05 09:22

Dear Pinar,

I think you should raise your children the way you like but I feel it's important to teach your children who they are and their background. Let them decide for themselves one day. I also think it's important for you and your boyfriend to get to know one another's religion to have a better understanding. All parents (no matter what religion they are) can be cruel regarding religion because they only want whats best for their children. You were brought up in a very modern environment so you didn't feel any of the pressure regarding your religion. I am impressed that you are dating a Jewish person because I know according to the Muslim relgion women are not allowed to marry other than Muslim men. Don't argue with your boyfriend's parents just say "okay" and do what is best for you. I understand you because I myself being an Israeli/American is dating a Sudanese guy and we are planning on getting married.

I hope it helped somewhat and I wish you the best of luck.

Be well,

Vered

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Re:

Author: Anon Qns (208.253.168.---)
Date: 01-03-05 10:41

I am so glad to see some interesting postings starting off the New Year.

Aziz, thank you for informing me about what a hafiz is, the term is new to me. My fiance and I see ourselves as being in the type of situation you raise. We have both become more observant through our relationship and found mutually fulfilling ways to support each other in expressing and observing our religions. It is interesting and inspiring, for us at least. But not easy, especially among others. We both have a lot to learn and it is hard also because I am a liberal, progressive, non-literalist when it comes to religion and Mohamed is not at all. I think we both come from specific traditions - his being "traditional" and mine being "liberal", I guess. I really have limited exposure to the Muslim, religious world and that is something that I am seeking to change, mainly through reading right now.

Like I said to a rabbi recently, I just got through reading a lot of the Torah (not all) in a way that has influenced me. Now, I have to add the Koran to my study agenda! There is so much about both religions that I don't know!

Our differences tend to be much more centered on our political views and our political instincts - which is much less relevant than I would have assumed if I didn't have an open heart and if we didn't have very tolerant ways of treating each other and respecting and embracing our differences.

By the way, there is a fascinating posting earlier in this list which outlines a lot of the common attributes between the religions. I find it tremendously useful and hope to come across similar information in the future.

Best regards for the New Year,

Anon.

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Re: need an imam for my sister's interfaith marriage

Author: Tally (---.dyn.optonline.net)
Date: 01-03-05 16:32

Liane,
I just read your ad. I am marrying a Muslim man and I am Jewish. I am looking for a rabbi and an imam to perform the ceremony in New York. Can you give me any advice? Please respond to me through my email

Thanks, tally

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Re: Relationships

Author: just me (---.nocharge.com)
Date: 01-09-05 20:57

I just happened across this site... and I suppose I'll put in my two-cents worth... I am Jewish, and divorced from a Palestinian Muslim... we have two children, now 20 and 18... I must say that he was the love of my life, but, as I have found within the culture (I lived there for an extended period of time with his family, whom I love dearly also), I cannot live with him... as there was too much domination that escalated to abuse... I know, I know, you say, that's not true of all! - true, but there are too many cultural (Islamic) justifications for it, so it is all too common... he still tries to get me to come back to him, I still see his family, and his mother cries and hugs me, asking me to come back with him... but, all that has transpired has caused too much hurt to the children, and they could never deal with us being back together.
As far as the religious influence on the children, they are Jewish (one is even Chasidic); and while they were growing up, Islam was only used by him as a threat - when he became angry, he would threaten to send them to an islamic school... the difference in religions caused a huge amount of problems in our home, because, at first, it was OK, but over time, he began little by little to try to obliterate my religious practice...

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Re: Relationships

Author: rose (---.barak.net.il)
Date: 01-23-05 02:22

Dear "Just Me",

I read your story and I am sorry to hear about your situation but I too am going to marry a Muslim man. The only thing I can tell you is that there is abuse in every religion. I see it in my own family where my sister is married to an Israeli man who is religious and is abusive to her and her children. He also threatens her when it comes to the children especially the boys. There are many stories of abusive women in Israel whether they are secular or religous. I don't agree that every Muslim man just like every Jewish man is abusive. I don't know what will be with my future but I have lived with this person for 2 years now and he grew up in a very different way. I do have a lot of respect for you for who you are and the fact that you lived with his family. I am glad to hear that your relationship with his family is still strong and I only wish you the best of luck.

Be well,

Rose

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Re: progressive muslims

Author: Esther (---.ny325.east.verizon.net)
Date: 01-24-05 17:22

Dear All:
I have found a great resource, for those of you looking for progressive imams and other progressive muslims.
The progressive muslim union at www.pmuna.org. If you click on 'wakeup, meetup' you will find the local chapters.
Also, the online magazine, muslimwakeup.com, has an article about a
woman officiating as the imam at a wedding.

Esther

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Appreciation

Author: Anon Qns (---.z067105145.nyc-ny.dsl.cnc.net)
Date: 01-24-05 19:59

Dear friends,

I just wanted to express my appreciation for this board in general. I have found that over the past couple of months it has helped me think through some of my concerns and relegate them to their appropriate levels of priority. Right now my feeling is that when you are engaged it is possible to allow every difference, big or small, to feel very threatening until you and your partner pass a certain threshhold of compromise.

Once I got some of my interfaith/interethnic, family-related concerns out in the open through the help of this board and other resources, I found that there were other things to think about too - like how much we each like to plan, watch tv, hang out with friends, what we like to eat, etcetera. I am sure that there will be more! Life in partnership is a series of glorious compromises and learning processes and being a mixed couple just adds more to our mixedness as a couple!

Yours Truly, Anon in Qns.....

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Re: thanks....

Author: alejandra (---.230.9.234.Dial1.Houston1.Level3.net)
Date: 01-26-05 00:41

all,

thanks for your opinions, and to be able to share good and bad experiences......I am in a relationship with a wonderful morrocan guy and I think everything is going well......we respect each other religions, we share dreams and ambitions, we complement each other.....

I have been reading every single message and they really help.....

I want to encourage you all to keep writing!!!!!!

sincerely,
Alejandra

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