Multicultural and Multiracial Families - Page 1

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Welcome to our discussions!

Author: InterfaithFamily.com Editors (---.reonbroadband.com) Date:   03-27-02 13:41 We're pleased to tell you that we've changed our online discussions--and we invite you to join them! When you submit a message, it will be reviewed by our moderators before it is posted. While we will accept messages that are realistic about the challenges posed by interfaith relationships, we won't allow people to vent their opposition to intermarriage, as has happened in the past. Our goal is to make our discussions a welcoming and safe place for people dealing with interfaith relationships to turn for helpful information and support. So please--join our discussions!

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Please join this discussion

Author: Ronnie Friedland, editor (---.ne.client2.attbi.com) Date:   03-28-02 15:09 True or false: Celebrating my partner or child's cultural heritage has gotten increasingly comfortable over time.

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I wonder if my husband is Jewish?

Author: Michelle (---.rasserver.net) Date:   05-01-02 19:11 I have a question. I am Christian and my husband is Jewish. We now have a little girl and one coming in about 3 months. Went we married I know that it is important to talk about these things, but we did not. My husband does not practice his faith at all!! He was brought up in a Jewish family ( his mother only was Jewsih) and she does not practice the faith either. Anyway, is my husband really still Jewish if he is not doing anything? Michelle

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Re: Michelle

Author: Kathy (---.lsan.dial.netzero.com) Date:   05-01-02 21:55 Yes he is still Jewish unless he has renounced his faith. But, in the long run, what difference does it make? If you are practicing and he is not, and you have both decided to raise your child Christian, it's a non-issue. However, is the real reason for the question that he now wants to raise his children Jewish even though he is non-practicing?

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Re:

Author: Felicia (212.117.136.---) Date:   05-02-02 03:17 Hi Michelle, According to halacha (Jewish law), one is Jewish if one is born to a Jewish mother or if one converts to Judaism. Since your husband's mother is Jewish, then technically, so is he. The fact that he is not observant just means that he isn't necessarily being the best Jew he can be, but he is still Jewish nonetheless. His (your) children, on the other hand, are not Jewish according to halacha. Felicia

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Re: I wonder if my husband is Jewish?

Author: Carol (207.106.229.---) Date:   05-02-02 15:45 Since his mother is Jewish, your husband would be considered Jewish. It's a bit confusing since it has nothing to do with whether he practices the faith or not. He's Jewish, but doesn't practice Judaism you might say. The best loose analogy I think of is that if you are born in the US, you are an Amercian. And even if you move to another country and never vote or pay taxes or otherwise participate in American society, you are still considered an Amercian - just not a very patriotic one.

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What about me then?

Author: Sean (207.73.130.---) Date:   05-10-02 09:33 I am descended mother from mother from mother and I think one more in there from a Jewish woman. For several generations the women have not practiced Judaism. Am I a Jewish man? Could I claim the right of return? On a seperate discussion page I was told I was not Jewish. Your message seems to say I am. Sean

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Re: What about me then?

Author: Yoni Samlan (---.ujc.org) Date:   06-14-02 13:09 Yes, as long as you can trace a clear matrilineal line to a woman who was born Jewish (or converted before giving birth to the next woman in line) you are technically Jewish, I think - at least under Orthodox law, you can't convert out of Judaism no matter what, even if you run off and join a convent and accept Christ as your savior, by Halacha (Jewish law) you're just as Jewish as Moses. As far as "right of return" goes, i believe a recent court case in Israel decided that right can only be used if you consider yourself Jewish as well, so if you're matrilineally Jewish but consider yourself Christian you cannot claim right of return as a Jew (the case involved a priest attempting to use right of return since his mother's mother was Jewish). However, before you make any claims seriously as to your own Jewishness you should consult a rabbi on the issue (if you want to be "extra kosher" about your claim I suggest consulting a knowledgable Conservative or even Orthodox rabbi since they have more precise matrilineal-only standards which, if you meet, are pretty much rock-solid by any Jewish standard, Reform, Conservative or Orthodox). On a related note, the last Jewish census revealed that over half of all Reform Jews are not technically Jewish under Orthodox Halacha (either because their mother is not Jewish or they converted under non-Orthodox auspices). What does that mean for Jewish unity and pluralism? Can that mean that someday the taboo (or halacha, depending who you ask) in Orthodox Judaism against dating a Reform Jew will be just as strong as the taboo against dating a Christian? Is this the beginning of an irreversible split in the denominations to the point where mainstream Orthodoxy (not just the extremists) considers the Reform movement to be not Jewish at all but a splitoff separate religion just the same as Christianity?

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Multi-Racial and Jewish

Author: Layla (---.dsl.chcgil.ameritech.net) Date:   10-07-02 23:06 It's a pity this discussion has gone so far off topic, as I believe it is an important one. I am an African-American convert to Judaism, and a member of a Reconstructionist synagogue. My shul likes to bill itself as "multi-racial" but in point of fact, there are only about 6 non-white adult members. (I'm not counting white families who have adopted Asian children.) It is probably a more comfortable place for me than any other congregation, but I think there is a subtle bias towards Ashkenazic ancestry that most of my fellow congregants are not aware of. A few examples... *The church I belonged to before converting was only about 5% African American, yet Martin Luther King Sunday was always a major event. I suggested observing King's Birthday at our synagogue but the idea fell on deaf ears. (This despite the fact that King actually spoke at another shul in our town!) *At a new members coffee, we went around the room and introduced ourselves. Several people had once lived on Chicago's South Side, once a thriving Jewish enclave. During the 60s and 70s it changed rapidly into a black neighborhood, which was when my parents moved there. There is still a lot of controversy over why so many Jews left when the neighborhood started integrating. Anyway, all these former residents waxed nostalgic about how great the old nieghborhood was and wasn't it a shame how it had gone downhill. When it was my turned, I said that I too was from the South Side. Uncomfortable silence. *Our synagogue regularly puts on wonderfully irreverent Purim parodies, but I nearly dropped out one year because so many of the jokes were directed at other races. There was a character spoofing Charlie Chan who was supposed to talk with a thick Chinese accent; other characters were supposed to imitate street black slang, (at least as envisioned by the white middle aged suburbanite who wrote the jokes). Some parents did protest, and a lot of the jokes were cut, but there was a surprising amount of resentment over making the changes. I shouldn't paint too grim a picture: our choir performs a "jazz" shabbat service, we have an active Stop AIDS in Africa goup, and a group dedicated to social action in the Hispanic and African neghborhoods near the shul. Still, I wonder if I'll ever feel completely comfortable here. Any other non-white synaogue members out there with similar experiences?

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Resources for multiracial jews/jews of color

Author: Eli Rothblatt (---.proxy.aol.com) Date:   10-28-02 13:15 Hi, Although my immediate family was jewish (father russian jewish, mom an african american convert) my mom's side of the family is baptist, and I appreciate that tradition as well. As for the experience of non-white synagogoue members, I know many biracial jewish kids go through a period of alienation from jewish identity, because despite a familial connection to judaism from birth, they are often made to feel less jewish because of their appearance. There are growing organizations out their to strengthen their jewish identity. Links to many of these organizations are at this website: http://www.yachadbshalom.com/ybs_links_new.htm -Eli P.S. Email me if you or a friend is biracial (black and white) and jewish. I'm working to try to create more of the positive resources that I described in this post, and would like to hear more people's experiences.

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True or False?

Author: Sheldon Burnston (---.proxy.aol.com) Date:   03-07-03 23:01 Absolutely true! My wife (who was born in Chunking and grew up in Taiwan) and I have been married for 21 years and have a 19-year-old son. We discussed a religious upbringing for him long before he was conceived, and since I felt more strongly about organized religion than she, she agreed that we would raise him as a Jew. Jonathan had his Brit Milah with a certificate of permission from a Conservative Beth Din, and when he was 3, I took him to a Mikveh in Brooklyn to complete the conversion process, since his mother has never had any desire to convert. We have always celebrated Jewish, Chinese and American holidays in our home. We have Seders, Chanukah dinners and candles, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur observance and many many Shabbat dinners and temple attendance. We also have celebrations for Moon Festival and Chinese New Year, Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve, and we go to her sister's for Christmas and Easter dinners. Our son has never known a different lifestyle, and he has always found it easy to light incense before a Buddhist altar or a statue of the Kwan Yin (Goddess of Mercy) or to Kowtow to his grandparents on Chinese New Year. For me, this was a bit of a struggle at first. Early on, it bothered me to see him bowing and praying with his mother, even though intellectually i knew that this was as much his heritage as his Bar Mitzvah. It took a good number of years before I was comfortable with a Buddhist altar in the corner of our living room. It wasn't until my Mother-in-law passed away that I was willing to show respect to her family's ancestors by bowing before a family altar on Chinese New Year. That was about 6 years ago, and at first it was my way of thanking her for her daughter. Over the subsequent years, it has become part of our blended tradition. I still don't light incense, but when she does it no longer upsets me. She has learned to accomodate to my ways and what's important to me, and it's only fair that I do the same.

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Re: confusion

Author: bill Leffler (---.knbnme.adelphia.net) Date:   03-10-03 05:25 I am very much concerned that as Jews we do not think of ourselves as part of a "race" but rather as part of a "religion." There is a book entitled "Half-Jews" which makes this confusion and is a real disservice to promoting understanding about Judaism. One can convert to a relgion. One cannot convert to a race. Thus when we have a mixture of race in a marriage, we need to see it as just that. And when there is a mixture of religions in a marriage we need to see it as just that. A Chinese-Jewish marriage contains elements of both. Thus the child of that marriage is half Chinese and half Caucasian (if that is what the Jewish parent is). The child may also have a Bhuddist parent and a Jewish parent. This brings about an additional mixture. Jews need to stop speaking about themselves in terms of "race" when looking at this subject. It confuses the hell out of the discussion and does not help folks understand that Judaism is a religion and not a race. It also plays into the Nazi type of stereotyping of Jews as a racial grouping, and we saw what that accomplished in the last century.

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Re: bill lefler

Author: shmuly (12.47.98.---) Date:   03-11-03 17:53 Bill, I couldn't agree with you more. Jews are not a race. Period. People used to view us as that, up until the mid 20th century, when this idea began to change. The term 'Antisemitism' is an allusion to this. Semitic people come from the middle east, and ultimately, that's where Jews come from. The term was coined by a German author during the late 19th century, whose name escapes me at the moment (sorry). It has stuck ever since. Jews are a people, an ethnic group. We do not share physical traits. We only share customs, religion, and language (hebrew). I think most visitors to this website though are aware of this, and would agree with you and I. Jews can be from any race. There are black, chinese, caucasion, asian, you name it. Mr. Brunston's posting, above yours, is another issue. There seems to be a confusion in his household with regards to cultural and religious elements of his wife's ethnicity. Their household, while practicing Jewsih rituals and religious beleifs, appears to accept the open practice of non-Jewish beliefs. Having a Buddah in one's home, and especially worshiping and praying in front of it, is just not 'kosher' so to speak. Having a Buddah in one's homes is no different than having a crucifix. There is more than just a cultural mix in that houehold, there is a religious mix. Traditional Judaism views that as a no-no. Even Reform Judaism, with its openess, would have an issue with this. I actually feel bad for the person's children. Rather than grow up in one religion, they will grow up with two very different religions. That's something that is very hard for children, and very confusing. It's one thing to learn about religion in a formal, educational setting. That's good and everybody, Jew and gentile should be educated about the beliefs of other peoples, religions, and cultures. But to be taught that it is okay to take a religious action- to pray to a Buddah, and then turn around and have a seder on passover?! This indicates a total lack of understanding of what Judaism is about. I truly belive that if one must marry someone of another faith, and that person does not convert, the child should be raised in one religion, not a mixture of both, whatever religion the parents decide is okay, but they should decide on one.

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Re:

Author: (anonymous, for now) (---.209.113.174.conversent.net) Date:   03-14-03 16:45 But, Shmuly, it sounds to me like Sheldon's son - who *has* grown up already, he said he's 19 - didn't grow up confused, but grew up with them treating Judaism as their son's *one* religion, and his mother's Buddhist practices as a part of her culture and her religion both - something that for him is not a religious practice even if it stems from a religion other than Judaism. To light incense with his mother while his *mother* is praying to the Buddah does not have to mean he is himself praying to the Buddah. It's only a religious action if he treats it as one! Similarly, to have an altar for his wife's ancestors *in* the home does not make the home a Buddhist home, it makes it a home that welcomes the Buddhist who lives in it, and the crucifix doesn't make it a Catholic home but a home that welcomes the Catholic who lives in it. It's only a Buddhist home or a Catholic home if they decide it is one and teach the kid to actually *be* a Buddhist or *be* a Catholic in terms of belief and to perform religious practices as *religious* practices. I'm quite radical in this respect, I admit - a crucifix doesn't offend me personally, though of course I don't worship it; I can accept that the star on top of a Christmas tree means something about Jesus' birth to my Catholic partner while to me it means something about lights in the darkest time of the year and about his cultural traditions, and I actually do hope to raise children "in" two religions, which this website officially doesn't support, so I wont' bother going into great depth about. But I don't think what Sheldon described above qualifies as "in" two religions at all. The son knows he's Jewish and the Jewish observances are *religious* to him, and everything else is comfortable to him as something to do to honor his mother and her family that is not, to him, a religious observance.

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Help!

Author: Trying to help (---.59.24.52.Dial1.LosAngeles1.Level3.net) Date:   03-21-03 17:29 I am seeking some feedback. I hope someone can provide some to me. I set up a couple of friends about a year ago. At the time I didn't know the male was Jewish. Now that the couple have fallen in love, they are deciding if they should stay together or not. The issue, as you can guess, is how they would raise their children. He is Jewish and was raised with all the traditions and so forth, but does not go to Temple or anything today. He wants to raise his children Jewish and I understand that is important for some people. The problem I have with him raising Jewish is his reasons for wanting to do so. The first problem is that he does not believe in God. Is it fair to insist on raising a child Jewish and go to Temple with them and instill it in their lives if there isn't a belief of God by the father? The other problem I have with him wanting to raise his kids Jewish is that he wants to because believes that the number of Jewish people is falling and he feels he needs to raise his children Jewish to keep the Jewish population growing. He believes there is a feeling and grouping of "being" Jewish and that is what he is seeking for his kids even he doesn't practice Judaism. Can someone please let me know your opinion? Any words of wisdom? Thanks, Trying to help

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same situation...but filipino

Author: El (---.san.rr.com) Date:   03-22-03 10:31 I'm in the same situation. My husband is Jewish. His practice goes as far as celebrating high holidays. His mother is Jewish, his father is jewish, he's jewish, but he only practices the holidays. On the other hand, I am Filipino, Catholic. I go to church at least twice a month. I taught Confirmation class for 6 years. But, I' m very flexible with my faith. I'm not an "in your face" catholic, never have been. I feel that my faith is only for me and God to see/know. In the Filipino culture, faith is important only in that it keeps the family together. The family goes to church together, celebrates fiestas together, and everyone from the Filipino community knows eachother via church. So, now, it's time for us to start planning a family. Our therapist said we should raise our child with both religions because children shouldn't have to side with one parent. I am again leaning towards raising them Catholic with the Jewish heritage still involved because I love how my family, including a large extended family, revolves around church. We don't go around bible beating, we just love being together. The cousins all see eachother, my aunt see eachother etc. at church. Also, I would like to have my child baptized. In my culture, the godparents are very important in that the godparents watch over them, advise them. My godparents were great. I love my godparents. They were always there to take care of me and give me advice. I don't mind not having my child go through Confirmation. I feel that it should be decided when they are old enough to decide. Rambling.... So, where do you draw the line between culture and religion?

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Re:

Author: lauren (---.proxy.aol.com) Date:   03-22-03 19:30 i am so glad that i came across this site. i met nelson in college. i am jewish and he is hispanic. i had never dated anyone hispanic before but i thought, whatever, we will not end up together anyway. we were together throught the end of college. after school he wanted to stay close to me. i live in new york and he is from florida so he stayed with his aunt and uncle for as long as he could about an hour away and then due to pressure from his father and not finding the right job he went back. we stayed together long distance for a couple of years. i have always loved him, but in the back of my mind i doubted him and judged him too. i always was told about "the dominant spanish male". when i grew up my father would say to me, you will marry someone jewish. i always thought, how will i know? anyway, after he was gone for a while and i wasnt happy at home i moved to florida to be with him and left my family behind including a TWIN sister who is marrying someone jewish who is very much like my family. after being there for a while which is hard enough in such a different place i realized that his father didnt like me and i felt very upset and alone. i pulled into myself and after six months i moved out. i ended up back in new york which i love but i missed him. we began talking again and i realize that my feelings havent changed although the stress that i went through and our major differences scare me. i would love to be with him, but there are so many influences. please help me make sence of all of this. i know that no one has any answers, but maybe someone has some advice. i really need some, from and unbiased source. lauren

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Re: Multi-Racial and Jewish

Author: also carob (---.proxy.aol.com) Date:   03-29-03 20:46 I also have seen this and it is a valid issue in our community. I have also seen the tendency for folks who have minorities as domestics [many of whom may have more 'humble' formal education]- to ask me if I know so-ans-so, their maid. Or talk down to me in religious classes as if I do not comprehend. Granted, I converted when well past 40, but I have 2 years of law school which is more than many of the housewives in attendance, and while the practice may be new to me, the theories are understandable. Since the town where I live is very conservative, all facets of Judaism- reflect that spectrum. People reflect, more than impact their surroundings. Although I avoided it, I eventually dated a wonderful guy- but we were both 'cautious' around the Jewish community. It was odd because it was the community that brought us together. Hang tough! It is our joy to educate by example- and to add 'color' to the fabric of Joseph's coat.

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Jewish-Taiwanese relationship...

Author: Garri (---.115.97.136.roc.mn.charter.com) Date:   04-28-03 20:50 Hello, I was wondering if I could get people's feedback on the issue of Jewish-Asian relationships, especially from those already in such marriages. I've been able to find shockingly little online about this, considering friends have told me this is not a rare coupling in NYC or on the West Coast. The sole online focus seems to be on Asian adoption. First, a little about me and my current relationship. I would describe myself as a fairly active Reform Jew (I attend Shabbat services when I can, usually light Shabbat candles at home, celebrate all major and some minor holidays, have a mezuzah on my door, don't eat pork or shellfish, follow Jewish current events, read Torah now-and-then, etc...) and am unfortunately in a highly mobile and time-intensive profession (I'm a physician in training). My parents, grandparents, and other relatives (the Jewish ones) are, in general, far less observant and less interested in Judiasm than I am (I increased my observance in college when I was exposed to far more Jews than in the non-Jewish area in which I grew up). I've dated Jews and non-Jews and have found that, unless my girlfriend is as Jewishly active as I am (fairly rare), a partner's Judaism is essentially just like any other "shared interest/trait" and never enough to ever really be the glue holding a relationship together. During my medical residency I met another physician who is, in almost all important respects, the woman of my dreams. She is American born of Taiwanese immigrant parents and is essentially agnostic, holding organized religion in fairly high skepticism (as do my own parents). She is fairly open to learning about Judaism and has celebrated Shabbats and seders with me (including the community seder), but is uncomfortable in synagogues (I can't blame her, as most *Jews* are uncomfortable in synagogues). Our relationship is going wonderfully and is looking long term, and while she is right now not willing to convert (she just can't see herself personally identifying with any religion), she is fully willing to help me maintain a Jewish household and raise our future children as unambiguously Jewish. One ongoing problem, though, is her mother, who is really, REALLY upset she is dating a Jew. This is not because of any specific anti-Jewish sentiment we can deduce, but more, apparently, because of the fact that Judaism is outside the American mainstream she herself has adopted and in which she has raised her children to feel comfortable. My parents love my girlfriend and are happy they will have Jewish grandchildren. That said, I have several questions for other Jewish-Asian couples (recognizing that, of course, all Asian cultures are not the same): 1) In general, how is your marrage going? Any cultural problems? 2) For those raising their children Jewish, how Jewish do your children really feel? Do you think they will carry their Jewishness into their own relationships and raise their own children that way? Do they identify as being Jewish? 3) Are they comfortable in Hebrew school and in the larger Jewish world? How do they view Israel? How do other Jews view them? Interestingly enough, I fear other Jews views of my future children will be a bigger barrier to them "feeling" Jewish than what they pick up at home. 4) If you are raising your children Jewish, how did you "sell" it? I was planning on raising them with a "biracial" or plain "American" identity with Judaism as their religion, just as I personally always felt "American" and Jewish. 5) How have your in-laws handled things? How do they view Judiasm? 6) If you are the child of such a marriage, what were your experiences? I deeply love Judiasm and I find it a wonderful intellectual and spiritual journey, one which scrumptiously rewards you the more you learn (which is maybe why many Jews, with only a superficial knowledge of the faith, find it so unsatisfying). I hate seeing relationships like mine painted as representing the end of the religion (while at the same time recognizing they often are) and I especially hate to think I'd be contributing to it's demise. I refuse to believe that, especially in an open society, Jewish continuity can only be maintained through Jew-Jew marriages, especially when just *finding* another Jewish partner, forgetting "clicking" with that person, is often so difficult. I really think American liberal Judiasm (reform, reconstructionism, conservative) needs to abandon it's feel-good cultural (usually antiquated Lower East Side) trappings and, for its congregations, really distill the complexity of Judaism, honing laser-like on just a few core areas of Jewish philosophy, ethics, observance, and history in order to guarantee knowledge and continuity. I obviously needed this release, as I feel very, very alone pondering these issues. Any feedback would be appreciated! Thanks! Garri PS: I will be posting this elsewhere in order to generate diverse feedback, so I don't want people to just think I'm "dumping" the message all over the net. Thanks!

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Re: Jewish-Taiwanese relationship...

Author: Belinda (---.sympatico.ca) Date:   06-03-03 16:17 Garri, I'm born Chinese from Hong Kong and married to a Jew born in Montreal. To answer your questions ...... 1) In general, how is your marrage going? Any cultural problems? => My marriage is going wonderfully well, thank G-d. No cultural problems what so ever. In our home, Jewish holidays and observances take precedence over Chinese holidays. My husband speaks Yiddish to the kids while I speak Cantonese. I learned to love Judaism more so than my own Chinese traditions. 2) For those raising their children Jewish, how Jewish do your children really feel? Do you think they will carry their Jewishness into their own relationships and raise their own children that way? Do they identify as being Jewish? => My kids are still young. But I think they feel Jewish. They are Jewish by birth, and by way of living. We keep a kosher home, celebrate all Jewish holidays, including Shabos every week. Because we live the way we do, I hope that my children will carry their Jewishness into their own relationships and raise their children that way. 3) Are they comfortable in Hebrew school and in the larger Jewish world? How do they view Israel? How do other Jews view them? Interestingly enough, I fear other Jews views of my future children will be a bigger barrier to them "feeling" Jewish than what they pick up at home. => My kids feel comfortable going to shuls and any Jewish gatherings. They are too young to know what Israel is at this point. The communities we try to associate ourselves with are Torah observant communities and people are generally very accepting of me and my Chinese looking children. I would even say my kids get more positive attention because of their unique looks. But like you, I was fore-warned by the Beis-Din (Rabbical Court) that converted me of the fact that there will always be Jews, kids or adults, (mostly because of ignorance of their own teachings) to look down upon converts and their children. This is a legitimate concern. Thank G-d, it hasn't happen to me and my family. 4) If you are raising your children Jewish, how did you "sell" it? I was planning on raising them with a "biracial" or plain "American" identity with Judaism as their religion, just as I personally always felt "American" and Jewish. => I guess in my case I didn't need to "sell" anything. Our children are considered Jewish by all dominations. I can only say that do whatever is in the best interest of the children. Give them an anchor in life, something to belong to. In order for them to explore and understand life as they grow, they will need a reference point. In our home, we chose Judaism, with Chinese culture as an add-on. 5) How have your in-laws handled things? How do they view Judiasm? => I believe your question is intended to find out about the gentile in-laws, so let me tell you how my parents are handling this. They are very respectful and supportive. The Chinese and the Jews have a lot in common in terms of ethical teachings. The Jewish rituals, however, are something extremely foreign to my parents. I don't demand my Chinese family to join me for any Jewish events. So far, we have had one Shabos meal with my parents, and my brother, who is protestant, had joined us on several occasions, including Shabos, Sukkot and had a taste of matzah. Write to me off list if your girlfriend likes to speak to me, or if you want to talk to my hubby about our experiences. Belinda

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Re:

Author: Leigha (---.proxy.aol.com) Date:   07-03-03 15:53 Jewishness is not a race. But one could say that being Hebrew is a subset of the semetic people who are a subset of caucasions. So, for example, my son is 100% Jewish, but only 50% Hebrew. That's the way I look at it.

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Re: LIEGHA/ JEWS ARE NOT A RACE

Author: scotty (12.47.98.---) Date:   08-25-03 19:27 Judaism is a religion. To be a Jew is to be someone who adheres to the Jewish religion. Most Jews are descendent from a semitic group of people call Hebrews. The Herbrew are the people we read about in the bible. The word 'Jew' and 'Jewish' come from the name of one of the largest tribes amongst these people, the tribe of Judah. The land of Israel was renamed Judea arounf the 3rd century b.c.e. It was named for the region of land the tribe of Judah originally dwelled in. Only after that did the monothiestic religion of the Hebrew people come to be known as Judaism. The racial aspect of being Jewish, or beong a Jew comes from our semitic origins. If you notice carefully, the large nose and the olive tone skin that has come to connote 'jewish' traits in the western world, is iroincally, shared by many arabs. The arabs are semitic people, just as the ancestors of modern Jews were. As Jews were forced out into other lands over the centureis, over time these physical traits diminshed in some, and in others they remained, due to many different reaosns. Europeans didnt share these chartacteristics of semitic people, and therefore it became easy for them to say that the Jews were a race,when in fact, we really arent. The hebrew people were a race of semites from the middle east. Anybody can adopt the beleif system they held, that became known as Judaism. Jews can be from all over the world, have diffent skin color, hair, etc. Jews are therefore not a race, but a national group with a comon history and religious belief system. To say otherwise is to ignore reality, and the facts

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Re: Children of Different Races

Author: Jenny Genser (---.ocio.usda.gov) Date:   11-14-03 13:12 I am a divorced mom of a nine-year-old, active in my Reform synagogue. I sing in the choir and my daughter sings in the youth choir and goes to religious school and next year, in fourth grade, will start the three-year preparation for her Bat Mitzvah. I am seriously involved with a man of color -- of his eight great-grandparents, three were African Americans, three were Cherokee, one was Spanish, and one was French. He is an Episcopalian and I would describe him as religiously liberal, in that he believes that one doesn't have to be Christian to find God or go to heaven, and he hates fundamentalism. He has come to various services at my synagogue and enjoyed them. My question is if we marry and have a child (probably adopted, given my age!), such a child would either be African American or bi-racial, and at least 10 years younger than his/her sister. Has anyone had experience raising an African American or bi-racial child Jewish? How about when the other sibling is white? Would it be awkward for the child being a minority minority? Would it be awkward for my boyfriend (in this case, he'd be my husband) being the only non-Jew in the family? Alternatively, would the child want to be raised in the religious tradition of the parent he/she looks most like? But would it be fair to both children to have one raised Jewish and one raised Christian? One way out would be to for everyone to become Unitarian. However, my daughter is old enough and identified sufficiently with Judiaism that that solution is unsatisfactory. Plus, I love the Jewish music and liturgy. I am taking for granted that both children would be exposed to both traditions, and even if raised Jewish, our family would attend church from time to time with Daddy. Any comments?

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Re: Multi-Racial and Jewish

Author: Karen (---.socal.rr.com) Date:   11-22-03 00:45 Hello! I'm 57, white, middle class, and was raised more or less Conservative Jewish, with a lot of Orthodox influence thrown in as well. I am married to a non-Jew and have been for 35 plus years, during which time we "kinda" celebrated the Jewish holidays when our daughter was little, but we never sent her to Sunday School, nor did we ever attend a synagog. Now our daughter is strongly considering marrying a Canadian guy who is Orthodox. (She met him on the internet five years ago!) So, I was surfing the web today, wondering if there had been any changes in the Kosher laws, with reference to throwing the forthcoming wedding party, when I came across your note on this site. The kinds of racist behavior you described would NEVER have been tolerated in the synagog I attended, when I was a child and young teenager, maybe due to the era . . . the early '60s and the Civil Rights Movement. It just would not have been tolerated. It is a disgrace! Earlier this very day I was reading a monthly bulletin, sent to me by a congregation whose rabbi I had telephoned earlier this week, (found him in the phone book!), about performing my daughter's forthcoming wedding. To my horror, the rabbi's column had statements such as, "No wonder the Jewish people are the best people in the world!" I immediately packed up the bulletin and sent it to my daughter, along with a letter in which I told her (as she has never been exposed to a Jewish congregation, or to a lot of Jews, due to where we live, mostly) that she might, as she will be entering a Jewish subculture, come across people like this and should be prepared to deal with it. I told her that I'd certainly experienced racism and prejudice on the part of some Jews when I was growing up, but NEVER from a rabbi nor in a synagog. Not even a hint. Quite the opposite, as a matter of fact. I don't have to ask my daughter how she reacts to reading it. I am sure I know: I raised her right. But, I am ashamed, deeply ashamed, that this is her "introduction" to the first example of an Jewish congregation to which she will ever be exposed. Thank goodness she won't be living in this area and won't be exposed to that shul! Only a few hours after the rabbi's column trauma, I found your note on the internet. I know there are more Jews out there who share your views and mine, but that doesn't make our hearts ache less, does it. Your letter reminded me of my responsibilities. As a result of reading it, I won't just write to my daughter. I'll also write to the a******e rabbi who wrote that offensive column in his newsletter. Meanwhile, I can't help wondering whether you and I shouldn't check out our local Unitarian Universalist congregations! My best wishes to you, now and always. Karen

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Re: Children of Different Races

Author: Rosie (---.as15.nwbl0.wi.voyager.net) Date:   11-24-03 10:16 Jenny, By all means stick with one religion for both chilldren. The kids I know who were raised in different religions from their siblings are seriously messed up. If you are Jewish, then any child you give birth to will be Jewish, and I think has a right to enjoy that Jewish heritage (identity, holidays, etc.) If you adopt, you can convert the child at birth, with the option of choosing at a majority age to remain with Judaism or not. You do not need to join the Unitarians, and your nine-year-old would have every right to object to switching at this point. I know a number of interracial families who manage to raise multiracial Jewish children. They may be fairly few in number in now, but I think that is changing as more families do so. I know a number of Jewish adults who are African-American and find it works. The few Unitarian African-Americans I have been few and far between, and not as well accepted by either community.

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Re: Help!

Author: Alicia Rothstein (---.dialip.mich.net) Date:   12-19-03 23:53 Hi..... In response to your plea for "Help," being Jewish is far more than just practicing the rituals of Judaism. We are a people with a common background. history and ethnicity, which includes music, food and yes Jewish jokes. Many converts that I have met insist on consentrating on the religious aspect of the situation to the dismisal of all else. And why not! If you did not grow up with a Jewish mother or grandparent how would you know that when you fry latkes you should have the oil almost covering them or that the Pale of Settlement was in Russia? There are many Jewish athesists who would insist that their children grow up with a firm foundation in Judaism. I wish my father had been one of them!

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Re:

Author: ???????? (212.211.105.---) Date:   01-27-04 11:47 his children are not jewish because he has not brought them up that way. but you should still tell your children about the religion so they know and understand that there are different religions.

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Re: I wonder if my husband is Jewish?

Author: Emily (---.proxy.aol.com) Date:   02-02-04 23:08 Your husband is Jewish because he was born to a Jewish mother. Level of knowledge about Judaism is not part of the requirement for being Jewish, although it would certainly be desirable to be educated in one's religion.

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Re: What about me then?

Author: Emily (---.proxy.aol.com) Date:   02-02-04 23:10 You are Jewish if you are born of a Jewish Mother. Period.

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Re: Multi-Racial and Jewish

Author: Michelle O (---.client.comcast.net) Date:   05-28-04 13:28 DH and I adopted an African American baby boy who is now 7. I have not been raising him to identify as Jewish because of the very attitudes you describe (subtle racism/ignorance, the idea that only "born" Jews & especially Ashkenazi Jews are "really" Jewish. DH and I met at a Unity church, and we've emphasized that, though we do celebrate Jewish holidays. I want my beautiful son to be welcome at a congregation wherever he goes. I can't assume that in the Jewish community.

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Re: Multi-Racial and Jewish

Author: Ben Ezra (---.140.39.74.Dial1.Boston1.Level3.net) Date:   05-30-04 00:30 Michelle O: I can understand your concerns that your son be accepted in whatever religious community with which he chooses to identify. However, my own experience with a number of African-American Jewish converts I have encountered suggests that your assumptions about the Jewish community are not necessarily fair. It is certainly true that there are some Jews who, like ALL people, are not very accepting of those who are different from them. And to the extent those attitudes still exist among some Jews, it is inexcusable. However, it should not be assumed that that is the predominant attitude, and particularly so today (perhaps it was more true years ago, as it was in the general population). I have encountered African-American and multi-racial Jews in synagogues and other settings ranging from Reform to ultra-Orthodox. And I have personally witnessed them (both adults and children, adoptive and biological families) being not only accepted, but embraced in all of those settings. You may be interested to read a wonderful book, "Lovesong", by Julius Lester. Lester is an African-American convert who is a Professor at the University of Massachusetts and the son of a Baptist minister. "Lovesong" is Lester's excellent account of his spiritual odyssey. There is much in it about his own experiences of being in "two worlds" and his own experience as an African-American Jew. Also good is "My Sister the Jew" by Ahuvah Gray, an account of an African-American minister who became a very traditional Jew. Michelle, as an adoptive parent myself, I understand your concerns about a child born to a different race or culture finding true acceptance in the Jewish community. But, as I have experienced with my own child, there are many places within the Jewish community where such acceptance can be found, and I hope you have success and fulfillment finding it.

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Re: I wonder if my husband is Jewish?

Author: anthony (---.stclar01.mi.comcast.net) Date:   10-22-04 14:28 then is being jewish like being irish rather than like being christinan,or a hindi or a muslim. is a catholic who doesn't practice cathlocism still a catholic?

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Re: Multi-Racial and Jewish

Author: David (---.client.insightBB.com) Date:   10-23-04 13:47 I am an African-American, first-generation Jew. My son is Black-Ashkenazi. Our sense of being Jewish is religious and not cultural. Perhaps that is because our Jewish upbringing occured largely in a Southern city. A city which had mostly Ashkenazi cultural influences. Until a recent influx of Yemenite, Iranian, Indian, even Ethiopian Jewish culture, neither my son or I felt as if we were part of a group. Not that our Jewish community isn't inviting, it is. But the way we speak, the way we listen; our senses of humor, our senses of taste; the way our (African) culture expresses itself is very different...and being a minority within a minority we find ourselves struggling with the nuances of that difference. In other words, we have to learn how the majority thinks and feels, but the majority doesn't have to learn how we think and feel. Unless it wants to. We don't live in a New York or a Chicago or an L.A. So we don't get to see many Jews who (remotely) look like me or my son. But without those encounters, my own Jewish experience (you'll have to ask my son for his), is estranged.

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Re:

Author: Jenn (---.ne.client2.attbi.com) Date:   10-26-04 16:43 To Everyone: How to define whether one is Jewish varies according to the sect of Judaism with which you identify yourself. In the reform and reconstructionist movements, children from Jewish fathers are also recognized as Jewish.

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Re: Multi-Racial and Jewish

Author: Jen (---.37.255.83.adsl.snet.net) Date:   11-03-04 15:54 I think you bring up some great points and am sorry that you sometimes feel out of place at your shul. Jews can often be offended by those who are anti-semitic in all its permutations. However, I think that people in a synagogue might assume that everyone is the same, which is not the case and is becoming less so the case with interfaith and intercultural marriages and families joining in increasing numbers. I think we all need to be more mindful of who is in our midst and how we as Jews may be derogatory of other races or ethnicities.

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Re: I wonder if my husband is Jewish?

Author: Joseph Fred Benson (---.courts.missouri.gov) Date:   11-19-04 10:24 Dear Michelle, According to traditional halacha (Jewish Law), the mother's religion controls the issue of whether or not the child is Jewish. As your mother-in-law is Jewish, so too, is your husband. (Parenthetically, it should be noted that, historically patrilineal descent controlled the issue of the child's religion.) Attending services, laying tallis(prayer shawl), and tefillin (phylacteries, see Deut. 6:4) every morning except on Shabbas (the Sabbath), and major holidays, makes one an observant Jew. It does not necessarily make one religious or a good Jew. These are very different concepts. Similarly, attending church services does not make one a good Christian. Sincerely, Joseph Fred Benson Jefferson City, Mo.

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Re: Question & Comments

Author: Justin (---.col.wideopenwest.com) Date:   01-25-05 01:00 To anyone who knows the answer to this... I understand that historically, particularly notable in the Scriptures, that the patriarch seems to be the key to the determination of whether one is Jewish or not. How did Jewish lawmakers determine that it was necessary to establish that the matriarch shall define the religion of her children, and not the patriarch? One thing that is fascinating is how the phrase "being Jewish" carries so much weight, perhaps more than most realize. Yes, just as "being a Christian" does not make it clear as to what certain practices or interpretations of Scripture are accepted, "being a Jew" has a growing number of sects and diversities. However, besides the religious aspects of being a Jew, there is that cultural and homeland aspect to being a Jew that are so special...of course, the cultural side not technically considered necessary by most for having Judaism as one's religion. But it is awesome to study the Word of God and see Yahweh's administration of Israel throughout Deuteronomy as the governmental Head as well as the spiritual Head of the Jews. (And He was many more things to them, too, giving dietary and sanitational laws, and so forth.) He was everything to Israel that I in America see our government, spiritual leaders, Federal Drug Administration, National Department of Health, etc, trying to be. Of course, Israel was so much smaller in numbers, but it is still awesome to meditate on how Yahweh so individually led that people. Praise God. Thank you for taking the time to read my question and comments. This is a good forum, a credit to the writers and the moderators.

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Re: Justin's post

Author: BobP (---.phndaz91.dynamic.covad.net) Date:   01-26-05 01:57 Justin - For a LONG time (over 1000 years), observant Jews have followed what's called "Halacha" - Jewish "law". When there are questions, the rabbi would decide - sometimes along with other learned men. One of the decisions reached was that Judaism came from the mother - and tribal affiliation came from the father. Therefore, any child born of a Jewish woman was a Jew. If the father was Jewish and the mother wasn't, the child was not Jewish. No, I can't cite the specific verses of the Tanach used to reach this decision. It was only in the last 25 years or so that some (Reform and Reconstructionist) decided that Patrilinial descent was just as valid.

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Re: Justin's post

Author: mpfreed (---.server.ntli.net) Date:   01-26-05 09:58 The history of Judaism only following the mother (matrilineal descent) is longer than 1000 years and can be dated back to the 6th century BCE at the time of Ezra. American Reform (only) adopted patrilineality in 1983. It considers a child born of any Jewish parent to be Jewish, but ONLY provided - and this is not often disclosed - that the child is brought up exclusively as a Jew.

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