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Remembering Egon Mayer

Author: Edmund Case
Date: 02-03-04 10:54

In our February 6, 2004 issue we will offer several remembrances of Egon Mayer. YOUR comments are welcome here.

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Re: Egon Mayer

Author: Dru Greenwood
Date: 02-05-04 13:57

As you may know, Egon Mayer, sociologist and friend of Outreach died this past Shabbat. Dr. Mayer was a pioneer in investigating from a sociological perspective the dynamics of intermarriage and conversion in the Jewish community. His studies of the relationship of rabbinic officiation and Jewish identification in interfaith families, his ground-breaking 1985 book, "Love and Tradition: Marriage Between Jews and Christians," and his teaching and collaboration in the early years of the Commission on Reform Jewish Outreach helped in significant ways to shape the direction of our work. He was the founding director in 1995 of the Jewish Outreach Institute, where he extended his research on the openness of interfaith families to Jewish Outreach and began to extend training and programming into Federation and JCC spheres. His work on the 1990 NJPS and the replication of that study he conducted with others in 2001 similarly helped to inform the understanding of intermarriage and the importance of reaching out actively. Dr. Mayer honored us with his presence at the 20th anniversary of Reform Jewish Outreach and was of significant help to me in the research I conducted on gender and conversion in recent years. He was a gentle man, a scholar whose work impacted lives, and passionate about Outreach. May his memory be for blessing.

Dru

Ms. Dru Greenwood, MSW
Director, William and Lottie Daniel Department of Outreach and Synagogue Community
Union for Reform Judaism
633 Third Avenue, New York 10017
212.650.4230

This message was originally distributed through talkingOutreach, a URJ distribution list that promotes conversation and idea-sharing about Outreach and community building among 300 Reform leaders.

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Egon Mayer

Author: Jeff Scheckner
Date: 02-05-04 20:51

I am so sad to hear of the passing of Egon Mayer; I knew how sick he had become and hoped against hope he would miraculously return to good health. I worked with Egon on so many levels; as administrator of the North American Jewish Data Bank at the CUNY Graduate Center, as a fellow member of the CJF (now UJC) National Technical Advisory Committee on Jewish Population Studies, planning conferences and speaking engagements and as a reviewer for my NJPS monograph on Jewish children. Egon provided me a beautifully written letter of recommendation in my current period of partial employment and was always helpful as a resource any time I needed advice both personal or professional. I was humbled by the fact Egon always took the time to speak to me as I knew he "wore many hats" and his services were always in demand.

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Re: Remembering Egon Mayer

Author: Marcia Kramer Mayer
Date: 02-05-04 22:37

Dear Ed,
It is so good of you to offer these remembrances in your publication. Daphne, I and the other members of Egon's family want you to know how much we appreciate this effort to memorialize him. Many many thanks.

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Re: Egon

Author: Dawn Kepler
Date: 02-06-04 16:07

I met Egon in 1998 when I began a program of Outreach in the San Francisco bay area. He was a source of information, support, and inspiration. He was unfailingly generous with his time and passion.

When I heard Egon was failing I wrote him a letter to share with him my favorite story of (and lesson from) him. I reminded him that when I held a conference in 2000 Egon had offered to co-sponsor the conference, thus throwing his support behind the event - he gave me his national mailing list and agreed to be a keynote speaker -- AT NO COST. Then he said he was paying for his own and his colleague's plane tickets, dayanu! Finally, opening the registrations one day, I found that Egon had sent a check in to register for the event! I called him immediately to say, "Good heavens, what are you doing? I'm tearing up your check."

"Dawn," he said, "You'll never make it in this business if you don't learn how to accept money."

What could I say? I was speechless, but I followed his instructions.

May Egon's devotion live on in us. May we do the work that he taught us to do, and may we be his continued presence in the world.

His memory is a blessing.

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Re: Egon Mayer

Author: Shere Kahn
Date: 02-07-04 00:09

I first met Egon as a recipient of a grant from the Jewish Outreach Institute for an outreach project to connect unaffiliated and interfaith Jews in the Denver/Boulder area. Our community was in the first group of grant recipients and we were fortunate to receive funding from JOI for three years.

Egon was always available to me and to our community to help us develop our project and evaluate it. He provided me with tremendous insight into the issues facing interfaith families, demonstrating unfailing patience and passion for the collective work of outreach professionals.

I consider Egon one of my most important mentors and his memory will always be a blessing to me and, I'm sure, to many others whose lives he touched.

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Re: Remembering Egon Mayer

Author: Eva Goldfinger
Date: 02-07-04 01:18

In a commentary on the Book of Exodus, Harold Bloom noted that the 'blessed' is temporal, not spatial. It is finding fulfillment in descendents or in having some impact on the world and its future. In this context, Egon Mayer was truly blessed. His gentleness, warmth and respectfullness made all with whom he came into contact feel useful and important. All who knew were enriched by the encounter. But his impact on the Jewish world was enormous and will continue to unfold in the years to come as projects he started and lives that he touched blossom.

Although we lived in different cities and spoke infrequently unless we were working on a project, I considered myself blessed to have the opportunity to call Egon my friend. Over the years I organized a number of conferences for the Movement of Secular Humanistic Judaism and arranged for Egon to present keynotes and public talks at them. I've also attended a number of Colloquia and learned a great deal from Egon. Last May, in Detroit, at the Conference of the Society for Humanistic Judaism, Egon delivered a passionate talk on an Interpretation of Surveys of American Jewish Outlook. I did not know that it would be the last time I would see him.

Egon and I had quite a bit in common. I too was a Hungarian and raised in a Chasidic family (but in Toronto). Also, since the 1980's I have been officiating at inter-cultural weddings and working to change the attitude of the Jewish community towards intermarried couples through embracing rather than marginalizing them. Our passionate mutual commitment towards this goal really meshed. When I presented a public talk on Jewish demographics, Egon was kind enough to send me his draft report on the American Jewish Identity Survey of 2001. His generosity and kindness was boundless as was his energy and optimism.

To me he was truly an inspiration, and I will miss him a great deal but the loss to the Jewish community is incalculable. It is only exceeded by the loss to his loving family. I hope that knowing how much we all loved and admired Egon and how grateful we were for his important demographic and outreach work, will help them through the pain of their grief. The goal of every person is to have some impact on this world. Egon Mayer made a difference! Because of his character and his works he made the Jewish world a more open and tolerant one. Goodbye my friend. May your memory always be a blessing for us.

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Re: Egon Mayer

Author: Lynne Wolfe
Date: 02-09-04 11:45

My mentor, my dear friend, Egon will always be in my thoughts as I do this important work of welcoming intermarrieds. As I developed programs and open doors for the intermarried in the MetroWest Jewish community these past twelve years, Egon was there... as a sounding board, as an advisor, and as a presenter for the three major conferences I held...his encouraging words and smile will always be with me and those he touched with his sincere words of welcome. He validated everything I did as he held up my programs and sevices as the example of how it should be done. His friendship, encouragment and wise ways will be missed.

Lynne Wolfe
director of PATHWAYS
Outreach to Intermarried Families
United Jewish Communities of MetroWest New Jersey

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Re: Remembering Egon Mayer

Author: Mary Rosenbaum
Date: 02-09-04 13:06

The death of Egon Mayer is a loss to the Dovetail Institute for Interfaith Family Resources as a whole and to each of us personally. Our founder, Joan Hawxhurst, says, "His interest and support were instrumental in my decision to found Dovetail. His influence on the mindset of Jewish organizations about intermarriage cannot be overestimated. His commitment to seeking ways to include rather than exclude dual-faith families in Jewish life has made a huge difference in how we are received today." His willingess to contribute to the early issues of our publication, Dovetail: A Journal by and for Jewish/Christian Families, helped establish us as a serious voice in the interfaith community. His plenary address at our 2000 conference presented his own conclusions about intermarriage firmly and clearly while treating those who came to different conclusions with respect and tolerance. But it is his voice as a friend, gentle but forthright, that we will miss the most.

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Re: Egon Mayer

Author: David Arnow
Date: 02-09-04 14:18

In Remembrance of Egon Mayer

For nearly twenty years Egon was my friend, mentor, colleague, and ally. He helped me to see and try to become my better self. He did that for so many people.

Several years ago, in the course of research for some teaching at the Jewish Outreach Institute, I discovered a particular midrash which illustrates the profound wisdom of Egon’s approach to outreach. Scholars believe this midrash (Numbers Rabbah 8:4) dates from the ninth century or perhaps earlier.

The midrash elaborates on an incident in Joshua’s conquering the land of Canaan (Joshua, chapters 9 and 10). To save themselves from destruction, a Canaanite tribe called the Gibeonites professed their faith in the God of Israel. They claimed to have come from a far off land and quickly signed a mutual defense treaty with the Israelites. Although Joshua discovered that the Gibeonites were actually residents of Canaan, the Israelites came to their aid when the Gibeonites subsequently came under attack. Was it really that simple, asks the midrash? So the midrash imagines Joshua turning to God and asking if the Israelites were obligated to honor a treaty that had been made with proselytes (gerim). God tells Joshua to “mark the plant from which you yourself have sprung!” Joshua belonged to the tribe of Ephraim. Ephraim’s mother was Asenath, the daughter of an Egyptian priest.

And then God says this:

"Joshua, if you estrange those who are distant, you will ultimately estrange also those who are near."

Egon understood this insidious dynamic too well. He saw it expressed not only in the Jewish community’s resistance to outreach, but in the increasing insularity among segments of Jewish world.

His work stands as a warning against the folly of cutting ourselves off—first from the “outsider” and ultimately from one another.

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Re: Egon Mayer

Author: Gabrielle Glaser
Date: 02-12-04 13:54

In remembrance of Egon Mayer

I was heartbroken to learn of Egon Mayer's death late last month. When I began to write a book on intermarriage ("Strangers to the Tribe"), ten years ago, he welcomed me into his orbit as if I were a member of his family. When others in the field - scholars among them - told me there was "nothing more to be said" on the topic, Egon always made time, and shared his incredible breadth of knowledge.

He was also a gentleman, and a link to the genteel world of Central European Judaism. Even his bare-bones office in the Grace Building had proper wooden hangers, both for him, and for guests who might meet him there. He opened doors, both literally and figuratively, for everyone.

Egon's notion of inclusion changed my life. As the granddaughter of a Polish Jew who left Judaism, I was reared a Protestant, and later married a Jew. It was a world to which I felt I only marginally belonged, and as I navigated the steps of my own marriage and our family's religious path, Egon remained a beacon. Eventually I converted to the religion of my forebears, and I have never looked back. In part because of Egon and his enduring message, there are now five Jews where there would have been one.

May his memory be a blessing.

My great condolences to Mrs. Hedy Mayer, Marcia, Daphne, Rena and Danielle.

Gabrielle Glaser

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Re: Egon Mayer

Author: Audrie Berman
Date: 02-17-04 10:02

I am so sorry to hear of Egon's death. May his memory be for blessing. South Street Temple, in Lincoln, Nebraska was also the recipient of a JOI grant, to enable us to provide outreach programming and support to the Jews of rural Nebraska. I was the Project Director.

Egon was very supportive of our work and understood that rural Jews and interfaith families face particular challenges. The lack of community and affirmation of our Jewish values and beliefs is a source of ongoing stress.

Egon's commitment to Jewish outreach and to the needs of interfaith families helped strengthen my own. His research had a tremendous influence on bringing interfaith issues to the attention of the Jewish community as a whole.

It was always a pleasure to talk with Egon. He was quick witted and, of course, perceptive and caring. At the GA in Atlanta, he engaged with every person who approached the JOI booth--every concern was important and every person was treated with sincere respect.

My sincere sympathies to Egon's family.

Audrie Berman
Educator
Congregation Sinai
Milwaukee, WI

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Re: Remembering Egon

Author: Rosanne Levitt
Date: 02-18-04 11:59

I had the privilege of meeting Egon 18 years ago, two months after I was hired to create the Interfaith Connection outreach program at the Jewish Community Center of San Francisco. Over these years Egon had a profound impact on my life as he did on countless others. Egon was my mentor and a friend as he pioneered the path of outreach. He was always available to those of us who needed his guidance and advice. Egon's passing is a huge loss for all who knew him. I will truly miss his presence.

Rosanne Levitt

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