Step-Parenting - Page 1 - InterfaithFamily.com

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Welcome to our discussions!

Author: InterfaithFamily.com Editors
Date: 03-27-02 13:37

We're pleased to tell you that we've changed our online discussions--and we invite you to join them! When you submit a message, it will be reviewed by our moderators before it is posted. While we will accept messages that are realistic about the challenges posed by interfaith relationships, we won't allow people to vent their opposition to intermarriage, as has happened in the past. Our goal is to make our discussions a welcoming and safe place for people dealing with interfaith relationships to turn for helpful information and support. So please--join our discussions!

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please discuss the statement below

Author: Ronnie Friedland, editor
Date: 03-28-02 14:52

It feels really strange to have my children following one religious tradition and my spouse's children following a different one.

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Re: step parenting

Author: Gabi
Date: 07-23-02 23:14

I am having difficulties with my fiance's children who are christian accepting the dietary restrictions that go along with keeping kosher. My fiance agreed to keep a kosher household and we are in the process of moving in together just prior to our wedding. I have two children as well who have been raised somewhat observant and definitely kosher. I realize that I will have to compromise and have a Chrismas tree for his kids, but I am having a hard time compromising on the kosher issue. His boys are with us only two nights a week. I would welcome any insight.

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Re: Gabi

Author: BobP
Date: 07-25-02 17:23

Gabi - A lot depends on the age of the kids. Have you explained the basics of kosher and asked them if they would follow these rules while they are at you house? While your fiance's children should certainly be required to follow reasonable rules, is it reasonable to expect them to fully keep kosher while they are in your home?

I'm not saying they should necessarily be allowed to have ham and eggs for breakfast. What is it that they want? Fankly, if they want a cheeseburger and a milkshake, if it's something that they would be allowed to have with their mom, then they should be allowed to have this at your home. While it might be difficult, you might consider having a separate "treif" area where some of the foods and perhaps some dishes can be kept. This could also go a long way toward you having a good relationship with his kids. Compromise could be a mitzvah in this case. Good Luck.

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Re: any advice?

Author: Tracey
Date: 10-07-02 01:38

I recently just got married to a wonderful jewish man. I was born Catholic but never followed their beliefs.I'm thinking about converting. This seems to be the only religion i've had interest in. The only problem is, I have children from a previous marriage, which none of them have been baptized. I wanted them to make their own decisions when they are old enough. If I do convert,can I still share the holidays with them because I wouldn't want to take that away from them,but in the meantime share my husband's holidays with him as a family?

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Re: sharing the holidays with children

Author: Susan
Date: 10-07-02 16:58

Tracey,

Please think this through. Which holidays are you thinking of sharing with them? The Jewish ones? The Catholic ones? Both? If your husband is Jewish and you're thinking of converting, it certainly makes sense to observe Jewish holidays. You write that you never followed Catholic beliefs and you didn't have your children baptized. What would your objective be in celebrating the holidays of a religion you don't believe in? It wouldn't be a religious celebration, after all, would it? If your children have already become familiar with Christian holidays after years and years of habit and you're trying to ease them into a relationship with a new stepfather, then I suppose you can keep it up for another year or two until they get used to the new lifestyle. But if they're still very young and all you want to do is to keep open the possibility of their choosing Christianity when they grow up, they will be just as capable of doing so whether they get visits from Santa or the rabbit or not, so it is completely unnecessary for you to bring those celebrations into your home.

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Re: sharing holidays

Author: carol
Date: 10-08-02 10:03

Susan,

Consider for a moment that for secular people from Christian backgrounds Easter and Christmas are not religious holidays, but times when families get together to celebrate and express their love for each other and to observe some cherished family traditions (e.g., decorating, hunting for eggs, baking cookies from gr-grandma's recipes, exchanging presents).

Now, most of those traditions can probably be transistioned to or replaced by things in Jewish holiday celebrations as the kids become accustomed to them. However, it is Tracy that is considering converting, not her kids at this point, and blending a family is already tricky business. I don't think announcing that because stepdad is Jewish and mom is considering conversion there will no more tree or Santa or presents or Easter-egg hunts from now on would necessarily be a good way to get the kids to appreciate their new stepfather's faith. The kids would feel it as a loss to have those things suddenly taken away.

At least that was the way I understood Tracy's comment about not wanting to take those things away from her kids.

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Re:

Author: Tracey
Date: 10-30-02 23:41

Thank you Carol and Susan for your advice. My husband and I have decided to celebrate all holidays and educate the children and let them make their own decisions. They seem really interested in learning and it makes it alot easier for now and everyone is happy.

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