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Stories About Our Interfaith Weddings - Page 1
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Page 1
| wedding emails |
Author: Bernice (64.128.149.---)
Date: 08-24-01 12:41
is this article some kind of a joke? I ask that in all seriousness. I mean, how can you just "give a nod" to someone's *religion*?? Isn't that rather...crass?
I am an atheist and if I was to marry someone who was religious (i.e., not an atheist)...I would insist on a completely godless ceremony. I think it is offensive of me to pretend to be catholic or jewish just to get married and please a lot of other people.
It seems to me that the chuppah and the wine and the church and the crucifix and the priest...all those "symbols" are actually very meaningful things that *represent* a person's *belief* in something (aka "god"). They are not accessories, like flowers and confetti.
I'm sorry but I have too much respect for other people's right to believe in god to pretend like I do when I don't. |
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| To our readers |
Author: Heidi (---.152.155.71.Dial1.Detroit1.Level3.net)
Date: 08-24-01 13:26
I'm so glad our columns have inspired readers of this Web site enough to post comments! How wonderful! While I understand that our sense of humor is completely lost on some folks (irony, light sarcasm, etc.), I can't help but respond to "Bernice."
Dear reader, to imply that I am pretending to be religious for the sake of other's comfort, or that I would use symbolism as an accessory is, to put it politely, off base. Apparently, some readers simply misunderstood the columns. Throughout our relationship, Howard and I have worked through many differences, learned from one another and inspired each other. As you'll find if you are ever married, that sort of commitment is imbued with many compromises. These are fabulous compromises, however, for the ultimate result is a lifetime of happiness with the person you love.
You say that as an atheist, if you were to get married you'd insist on a godless wedding. How fabulous for you! We, on the other hand, believe that a wedding ceremony should completely represent both people involved. It's a very personal occasion for BOTH parties, don't you think?
We don't expect readers' sympathy -- there's no reason for it! Howard and I are both comfortable with our personal beliefs and respectful of each other's. These columns are but a mere glimpse into our lives. What works for some people may be too open minded or unstructured for others. That's the beauty of living in the year 2001, when we can CHOOSE to define our own spirituality and/or religion and make it our own. Isn't it grand?
All my best to you! |
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| looking for a meaningful Jewish element? |
Author: Ellen (---.milwaukee.k12.wi.us)
Date: 08-24-01 14:26
When we got married many years ago, we wrote our own ketubah. We made minimal changes (to make it egalitarian) to the traditional Aramaic text, which the rabbi read as part of the ceremony, but we created and added our own English statements, which were based on a loose translation of the Aramaic (but, we hoped, more romantic) and we read those to each other. I guess the parallel part of a Christian wedding would be the "exchange of vows." The rabbi was very accomodating about the English. People thought it was very beautiful, and now the ketubah is hanging in our living room over the fireplace. I would expect that if Howard and Heidi wanted to check out Anita Diamont's book on how to do a Jewish wedding, they could find some text they could adapt to suit them both. Before they use the great-grandmother's chuppah, though, they might want to talk to someone who knew her to find out whether she would have approved. |
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| What's God got to do with it? |
Author: Susan (---.milwaukee.k12.wi.us)
Date: 08-24-01 14:41
Howard:
Invoking God in the wedding ceremony you are contemplating just doesn't seem appropriate. Finding a judge would make the most sense and hurt the fewest feelings. If you really want to have a "religious" wedding but leave God out of it, then I suggest you try a Unitarian minister. I grew up going to a Unitarian church about a half hour's drive west of you, and I can tell you that they specialize in the whole "defining our own spirituality" bit.
Heidi is who she is and she ain't who she ain't. If you are really serious about having a marriage with her in it, forget the God bit. Or if it's really important to have a marriage with God in it, I know a rabbi in Detroit who could introduce you to somebody whose values are more compatible with yours. |
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| don't count on unitarians |
Author: bernice (64.128.149.---)
Date: 08-29-01 10:28
My sister tried to get a unitarian to marry her and her husband (she's christian, he's jewish) because nobody else would. The unitarian minister turned her down. He didn't want them to think of unitarians as a last resort, or a place that was OK with anything. He explained that if he did marry them, it would be a unitarian ceremony, not a jewish or christian one. He said they should come to a couple unitarian services first to see if they liked what they saw. They went to one and left halfway through. It wasn't who they were. She said she was glad the unitarian minister had enough integrity to say "these are our priniciples. if you get married in our community, you are saying you abide by these principles. we don't compromise our principles just to perform a wedding ceremony." My sister ended up using a rabbi who advertised in a local paper; he was willing to do anything and had a "priest friend" who was going to show up too but got sick and couldn't attend. It was a weird ceremony to say the least. I think my cat could have put on a yarmulke and done what the rabbi did. Anyway, they got a religious ceremony and are still happily married but my sister said she regrets using the pseudo rabbi. She said when he started talking about an episode of Star Trek during the ceremony (I'm not kidding; this really happened) then she knew she was in trouble. She says if she had to do it over she'd have eloped; having a judge would have sent her in-laws to the mental ward and our parents would have disowned her. So you can see why I'm an atheist...:-)
BTW I appreciate your reply Heidi and I hope your ceremony and marriage turn out the way you want it. |
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| Wedding emails |
Author: Jendi (64.59.51.---)
Date: 09-06-01 11:29
Dear Heidi & Howard,
I admire your honesty for discussing these sensitive issues and putting them on the web to help others. Maybe the best solution is to have a secular wedding, simply because Judaism lite may be worse than nothing. A lot of people fall away from Judaism, or their kids do, because their families allowed the rituals to be separated from the religious meaning. After a while, the rituals seem like no more than quirky ethnic traditions. Judaism may be especially vulnerable to that problem because there are so many practices and rituals that they take on a life of their own, with no time to consider the deeper meaning. Better to let Howard be very Jewish on his own, if Heidi is so hostile to theology.
When I got married, I wanted a rabbi, but my husband (who is Jewish) had problems with a lot of the doctrines, so we got a judge and wrote our own vows in a way that incorporated our beliefs. Then I became a Christian, so maybe it was all for the best!
Weddings are very tough, I know! But it makes you stronger as a couple to work through these issues. I wish you both much happiness. |
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| software testing |
Author: InterfaithFamily.com (---.ne.mediaone.net)
Date: 09-13-01 10:18
This post is a software test. |
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| Did you ever read it? |
Author: Susan (---.milwaukee.k12.wi.us)
Date: 09-21-01 12:22
Heidi:
I think Jendi is right about a secular ceremony being better than a "Jewish Lite" one. But before you condemn the Song of Songs, I'd suggest that you try opening up your mind and taking a look at it. There's a lot there. It's the only book of erotic poetry in the Bible. People who believe the whole Bible should be taken literally and not allegorically make the only exception in the case of <I> Shir ha Shirim, </i> and they give it allegorical meaning only because they are too embarrassed by its literal meaning. Or, in the case of Christian fundamentalists, they don't understand how the rabbis could have allowed such pagan porn into the so-called Holy Scriptures, and they prefer to pretend it isn't there.
I had parts ofthe Song of Songs read to me by an *extremely* secular (atheist) boyfriend in a dark parked car back in tenth grade, and I thought he couldn't have acted bolder if he's tried undressing me! By the way, the fact that some English translators have a thing for sixteenth century English pronouns is irrelevant. |
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Author: Bryce (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: 09-24-01 15:34
>>they give it allegorical meaning only because they are too embarrassed by its literal meaning.
@@ A better answer: they give it -- Shir haShirim -- allegorical meaning only because it was intended that way. |
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Author: Sarah (---.cvx11-bradley.dialup.earthlink.net)
Date: 09-29-01 17:51
Heidi,
A Jewish wedding? I often ask myself what exactly makes up a Jewish wedding, and of corse it depends on who you ask.
Even between Jews, there are major differences in interpretations. Who is right, who is wrong? I don't know, my advice to you is to follow your heart. It seems as if you already are, but I warn you that as an atheist you may have a tendecy to react to others religion, rather than truly look at its own worth. All I mean is sometimes the very word God can send a reaction that makes an atheist run the other way.
Have a Heidi and Howard wedding, maybe it will be jewish and maybe it won't. It will depend on who you ask. But do you really care? |
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| test |
Author: IFF editors (---.ne.mediaone.net)
Date: 12-13-01 15:58
This posting is a test of software. |
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A huppah--often spelled ?chuppah?--is a Jewish wedding canopy with four open sides. A Jewish wedding ceremony typically occurs under a huppah.
Jewish marriage contract.
Spiritual leader and teacher. Typically, but not always, leads a congregation.
Head coverings worn by male Jews in most synagogues. Traditional Jews wear kippot all the time. Also known as yarmulke.
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