Rabbi David S. Gruber is a native of Evanston, Ill., who grew up in Israel. He is an eighth generation rabbi, ordained by the Chief Rabbis of Israel, and served in educational and religious leadership positions on three continents. Though he used to be Orthodox, he now sees himself as a Jewish secular humanist. As such he deeply believes in helping every couple make the most out of the most wonderful day of their lives. To learn more about his work with couples, please visit www.interfaithweddingrabbi.net.
Where There is Love There is Life: A Hin-Jew Wedding in Texas
January 20, 2011
One of the most unique weddings I have officiated was Shreeti and Jon's. I co-officiated with Shreeti's family's lay pundit (Hindu priest), Jaysurya ("Jay") Upadhyaya. It was fascinating to see how these two faiths, one Western and one Eastern, came together in one ceremony, and how many parallels exist between the wedding rituals of both.
|The bride and groom under the mandap, which also served as the chuppah. (Photo Courtesy of Chavvon & Larissa Photography - www.chavvon.com.)|
The ceremony began at the entrance, with Shreeti's mother waving a wand over Jon to cast away spirits. This Hindu tradition is similar to the Jewish tradition of beginning the ceremony with the bride and groom's mothers leading the bride around the groom to similarly protect him. In accordance with Hindu tradition, Jon then broke a clay pot to symbolically remove any obstacles to the marriage.
The ceremony itself was held under a mandap, a Hindu ceremonial canopy that turns the whole area under it into a symbolic altar. This served also as the Jewish chuppah, which symbolizes the bride and groom's new home. Interestingly, both faiths center around the home, rather than the house of worship, which means that home and altar are very much one and the same.
At various points during the Hindu portions of the ceremony, people made offerings to different deities. This usually involves Sanskrit chanting by the pundit, the tossing of the offering into fire and the marking of the body with paste. These are very important parts of the ceremony, as the favor of the deities is seen as central to a life of happiness for the new family being created under the mandap. The Jewish portions of the ceremony do not involve offerings, but do involve the chanting of blessings in Hebrew. I opened the Jewish part of the ceremony with traditional, welcoming blessings and towards the end blessed the couple with the Priestly Blessing.
In a Jewish wedding, parents and loved ones are brought under the chuppah with the bride and groom. This is true of a Hindu wedding too. Shreeti's parents spent part of the ceremony under the mandap, made an offering and even washed Shreeti and Jon's feet, beseeching him to treat their daughter as an equal partner. Later in the ceremony, family members from both sides, including Jon's parents, joined Shreeti and Jon under the mandap, and made offerings, which the couple, circling a small altar four times, threw into the fire. The circling symbolizes the couple's commitment to remaining true to one's values, providing for the family, obtaining fulfillment and achieving enlightenment. Every time they circled the altar, siblings and cousins, who had surrounded the mandap, pelted them with flower petals. Later, after the ceremony, with their families once again surrounding them, the couple would sign the Jewish ketubah, a document where they would commit themselves to essentially the same ideals celebrated while ringing the altar.
One of the most striking resemblances between the wedding traditions of both faiths is the centrality of the number seven. The Hindu tradition has the Satapadi or Seven Vows, and the Jewish tradition has the Seven Blessings. Jon laid Shreeti's big toe on each of seven decorated shells respectively, while Jay chanted the Satapadi, swearing the couple to live with honor and respect, be happy, share in all, not forget their elders, be charitable, be peaceful and love and sacrifice for each other. I followed with the chanting of the Seven Blessings, which celebrate creation in general, creation of man, creation of woman, the hope of return to Zion and the love and happiness of the bride and groom and their loved ones.
Both traditions include the bride and groom sharing sweet food (in Hinduism) or sweet wine (in Judaism) to symbolize everyone's prayer that the couple will enjoy a sweet life together. Shreeti and Jon shared candy and dried fruit, in accordance with the Hindu tradition.
Jon then put a necklace on Shreeti's neck, the Hindu equivalent to putting a ring on his bride's finger. (Both faiths, being in their traditional form patriarchal, have the groom putting the jewelry on the bride and not vice versa.) Shreeti and Jon then read very meaningful vows they wrote, after which they exchanged rings, reciting (in Hebrew and in English) the traditional Jewish consecration formula, as well as a verse from the Song of Songs.
After I declared them husband and wife, Jon ended the ceremony, just as he started it ? by breaking something. This time, in accordance with Jewish tradition, he broke a glass. I explained it as symbolizing the breaking down of barriers between different cultures and faiths ? a very fitting explanation for this wedding.
How did Shreeti and Jon, coming from traditions, far apart geographically and theologically, "pull off" such a seamless ceremony, where it was well evident that all present felt so validated and comfortable? They communicated their plans to their families, and sought their feedback. Their parents gave them honest and considerate feedback while respecting the couple's wishes. Shreeti and Jon chose officiants who were open to learning about each other's faiths and communicated well themselves. These officiants were keen on making the various parts of the ceremony mesh well together. Most importantly, while each family expressed their wishes to observe various rituals from their respective traditions, it seemed like they were even more careful to make sure that the other side's wishes were being met.
It was really heart-warming to observe how concerned these people were regarding each other's feelings. It has been said that true love means caring about your loved one's feelings, as you much as you care about yours. This couple, their families and all involved showed this type of love, and as Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Where there is love, there is life!"
Hebrew term, synonymous with Jerusalem.