Three years ago my daughter began asking questions about God, heaven, and angels. My wife and I had a difficult time answering her questions. You see, I'm Jewish and she's Christian. So began our search for a religious environment that would meet our family's complicated set of religious needs. We wanted to teach our daughter that happiness would come by loving and caring for others as much as for herself, not by consuming ever-greater amounts of entertainment. We wanted to use the Old and New Testaments, as well as modern texts, to transmit these values. We wanted her to learn the fundamental rituals and beliefs of Christianity and Judaism. Finally, we wanted her to see us living and sharing these values with a wider community. That posed the biggest problem of all -- where could we find such a community?
Many interfaith couples observe each other's traditions within their family life. They celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah, Pesach and Easter. The difficulty is finding one place where both members can observe each other's traditions outside the family. Established Christian and Jewish congregations insist that both partners adhere to the same creed in order to become full members. We visited a number of liberal Jewish congregations in the Washington, DC area. While they encouraged interfaith couples to join, the Sunday schools, celebrations, and adult education were oriented exclusively to Judaism. Not only would my wife have been less than a full member at crucial life events, such as birth, coming-of-age, marriage, and death; our daughter would have been denied public validation of her Christian heritage. We also visited a number of liberal Christian congregations. They, too, expected adherence to a single creed.
The Interfaith Families Project (IFFP) of Washington, DC was started six years ago by four interfaith families who were unwilling to accept the either/or choice offered by established congregations. They insisted on the validity of multiple truths. Since then, IFFP has tapped into an unmet need, has grown to 75 families, and is adding seven families a year. We joined IFFP two years ago and have become enthusiastic members. We finally have a place where we can publicly share our traditions. We can also share the pain and laughter of dealing with inflexible relatives and clergy. At times we challenge each other's beliefs and at other times we support our differences.
IFFP is post-denominational. It doesn't seek to create a new creed, but to provide a place where Jewish and Christian observance and beliefs are shared and examined in the light of modern conditions. We do this in our Sunday School, Youth Group, Coming of Age Classes and Ceremonies, Adult Discussion, Reflections, and Celebrations. It has been very challenging. There is no one Jewish or Christian tradition. We need to decide which observances and beliefs to share from each tradition, and how to intersperse them. The task is much the same for established denominations. They too must (re)interpret traditional observances in light of changing conditions. There are differences, however, between traditional congregtions and us. First, we are a lay-led congregation. We do not rely on rabbinic or ministerial authorities to make the reinterpretations for us, although we do value their expertise. Second, we do not require adherence to a specific set of beliefs or observances. Finally, we do not challenge the mix of observances and beliefs other interfaith congregations develop. Strictly speaking, there is no national interfaith movement. In these three ways we have much in common with the Havurah (group of Jews who worship and study together), Secular Humanist, and Renewal traditions within American Judaism, and with congregational churches within Christianity.
The benefits of a lay-led interfaith congregation are many: members have a strong influence over the content of religious education and ceremonies; members spend the time learning enough about both Judaism and Christianity to make knowledgeable decisions and to make celebrations, community service, and especially Sunday school education, meaningful and successful.
The benefits are also our weaknesses. With the exception of our wonderful part-time spiritual director, we are not religious professionals. Developing educational, musical, and liturgical materials is difficult for a lay-led congregation, especially one attempting to observe two religious traditions. Sharing resources with more established Jewish congregations would help. So far rabbis have been reluctant, because they seek to preserve Judaism through a defensive strategy of holding ambivalent Jews hostage by monopolizing access to spiritual life events -- birth, coming-of-age, marriage, and death. This strategy is breaking down though. Unorthodox expressions of Judaism are gaining ground. Secular Humanistic Judaism, Havurot, Jewish Renewal, and Interfaith Communities are all expressions of the need for fully involved laity, egalitarian participation, and community-led adaption of tradition to modern circumstances. As an egalitarian interfaith community, we strive to affirm Jewish and Christian traditions, not just privately, but through public testimony. We hope to be accepted on these terms by established congregations, both Jewish and Christian.
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