The primary mission of the Jewish Outreach Institute (www.JOI.org) is to "reach out and welcome in" the intermarried, and to promote inclusiveness in the Jewish community for intermarried families and disconnected Jews. Originally founded in 1988 as a think tank and research facility devoted to the study of intermarriage, JOI's services have since grown to include advocacy, training of outreach professionals, and the sponsorship of innovative outreach programs throughout North America as part of its Jewish Connection Partnership program (www.JewishConnectionPartnership.org). This column is an opportunity for JOI to share its findings and views with the InterfaithFamily.com readership.
September 11, 2001, a day to add to the numerous events in our historical "holiday" calendar: Pearl Harbor, the assassination of JFK, the Challenger disaster, to name a few. Unfortunately, the list knows no end. For interfaith families it would seem that this day would be a shared experience, unlike the days of Christmas and Hanukkah or Passover and Easter. That's what we thought--until we started talking to interfaith couples about their experiences post-September 11.
The events of September 11th shook us all to the core. Even those among us who did not consider ourselves very religious found ourselves in houses of worship that evening, on the days that followed, and most certainly that first weekend. And while whether or not a particular synagogue was welcoming to interfaith families was not on our minds during those early days following the terrorist attacks, interfaith issues bubbled to the surface nevertheless. One woman told us that her first instinct was to return to the Catholic Church that she called her home as a child, though she had not set foot in it since her marriage twenty years ago. Her husband didn't know how to respond and her children were surprised by the action. And her reinvigorated interest in her faith-of-origin has added stress to her family, as it struggles to regain a post-September 11 footing.
Local synagogues may have missed the opportunity, not only to "reach out and welcome in" but to sustain as well. But it is not too late. Ultimately what helps people elect to become involved with institutions in the community is whether they provide for personal meaning. As we at JOI have learned, when you create a supportive, inclusive environment, all feel welcome and nurtured, regardless of the faith or family configuration.
So how should interfaith families respond to September 11? And should their response be any different than anyone else's? It's clear that religion and faith played a significant role in stabilizing America over these last months of confusion and doubt. Perhaps it reaffirmed for us the notion that it is important not to put off decisions about religion, particularly for children, and instead address them early in a relationship.
Additionally, since we never know what lies ahead of us as we navigate our way through life, perhaps we also need to understand that faith follows a circuitous route through our lives and decisions are often reanalyzed following traumatic events. We need to prepare for this, as well. A return to one's former church, much like a native speaker of another language spending time visiting one's native land, is no cause for alarm. However, a plan for "moving back home," after many years of living away is a different story entirely. And that needs to be confronted openly and honestly. Here, the community can help by providing needed support and comfort.
We hope that you were able to find such support in the Jewish community. Besides your friends here at InterfaithFamily.com and the Jewish Outreach Institute, there really are other inclusive Jewish synagogues and institutions out there. If you need help finding them, please don't hesitate to contact us for help. Because if there is one thing September 11 taught us, it's that we're all in this together.
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