Among the first stories I remember hearing from my husband's family is the one about my father-in-law becoming the second Jewish accountant in Toronto. As a young man, he bided his time until the man who was the first Jewish accountant was fully certified and had set up his own practice. Only then could my father-in-law serve the apprenticeship he needed in order to become a chartered accountant himself. In subsequent years, the Greenwood firm proudly brought many more young Jews into a profession that had once been closed to its founder.
There was a time, not long ago, when Jews and gentiles did not mix in America. Intergroup segregation and outright anti-Semitism were powerful deterrents to assimilation in either direction. Quotas limited the number of Jews who could attend prestigious universities or enter various professions. Jews were prohibited from living in particular neighborhoods and joining certain country clubs. For their part, of necessity and desire, Jews built a rich infrastructure of institutions including synagogues, social clubs and old age homes that paralleled gentile institutions but served the Jewish community and kept it coherent and self-reliant.
Marriage between a Jew and a Christian, while not unheard of, was rare, and, when it did occur, was seen as verging on the pathological. Entering such a marriage meant trying to bridge a social chasm that met with severe sanctions on every side. The Jewish partner was seen as turning his or her back on Judaism, and the family might have sat shiva (observe seven days of mourning as if their child had died) on the occasion of the marriage. The Christian partner might be considered rebellious or eccentric. Social scientist Kurt Lewin categorized their children as "marginal persons," at home nowhere.
In mid-century America the social fabric included many "closed clubs." Getting into them required determination and good luck; sometimes it also demanded subterfuge or a willingness to carry a social stigma. "Passing" was one common way to circumvent the system. Jews often "passed" as gentiles by changing their looks or their names. In my family, "Cohen" became "Coleman." Interfaith couples who found their way into the Jewish community and raised Jewish children, and even those who converted to Judaism, acknowledged a non-Jewish past only in the most private relationships. The compassionate rabbinical dictum against reminding converts of their "pork-eating past" was a favored rationale that protected individuals, but also effectively hid the whole topic.
Converts and non-Jews "passed" as best they could, often experiencing such personal characteristics as blond hair or the name Mary as liabilities, embarrassing give-aways. Upon close inquiry, one could discover that indeed there were converts and non-Jews who were part of the Jewish community, but everyone knew that the eleventh commandment for Jews was "Thou shalt not proselytize." One result was the appearance of Jewish communal life as a "closed club."
Thankfully, times have changed. Although remnants of earlier barriers and prejudicial attitudes remain and show themselves in sometimes painful events, the common experience of most Jews in America is feeling welcomed in schools, in communities, in professions, and as marriage partners. No Jew coming of age today could tell my father-in-law's tale. Jews can participate fully in American life and at the same time, without hiding, celebrate their distinctiveness as Jews. American life is enriched and Jewish life is flowering here.
Similarly, the experience of interfaith families and seekers looking for a place for themselves in Judaism is also much more likely to be "welcome." For the past twenty years, the Reform movement has promoted formal outreach programs to Jews and Jewish institutions. Programs geared to interfaith families are now being developed by the Conservative movement as well as Jewish Federations and other community agencies.
Rather than keep the presence of converts and interfaith families secret, programs now help introduce and integrate newcomers into Jewish life. For instance, "A Taste of Judaism: Are You Curious?" is a three-session class run by the Union of American Hebrew Congregations, which is designed to introduce the ideas of Jewish spirituality, ethics and community. The course is widely advertised and offered free in cities across North America, reaching more than 12,000 people since 1994.
"Introduction to Judaism" classes teach Jewish belief and practice, not only to individuals interested in becoming Jewish, but also to interfaith couples exploring the possibility of raising Jewish children. Synagogue outreach committees are evidence of institutional commitment to welcome interfaith families. They sponsor programs specifically for interfaith couples and their families and work with other committees to help raise awareness of special sensitivities and needs. Congregational policies directed to the role that family members who are not Jewish can play in synagogue ritual and governance take intermarriage further out of the closet and welcome appropriate participation as a normative part of community life. Time after time, the result of Jewish openness and outreach is profound enrichment and increased vitality both for interfaith families who choose to partake and for Jewish communal life as a whole--again a double blessing!
Judaism is the distinctive, precious heritage of the Jews, reflecting the sacred covenant between God and the people Israel. However, it was never intended to be a closed club. Abraham, the first Jew, is praised in rabbinic tradition for his hospitality to strangers and his zeal in bringing them near. The most often repeated mitzvah (religious imperative) in the Torah is to love the stranger and treat him or her with the same dignity and respect as the home-born. Isaiah calls Israel to be "a light to the nations" and to make God's house "a house of prayer for all peoples." And the Passover seder begins with the words, "Let all who are hungry come and eat; let all who are in want share the hope of Passover."
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