What's a Jew?

This article is reprinted with permission of The Baltimore Jewish Times. Visit www.jewishtimes.com.

We're all members of the Jewish community, but are we all Jews? And can we be one but not the other while still agreeing to a sense of shared destiny?

After recently reviewing a few frightening studies on intermarriage, as well as attending an interfaith marriage, I have but one conclusion: It is much, much better to refer to "members of the Jewish community" than "Jews."

That is because for so many on the first there can be real compromise with integrity; on the latter, it cannot be so.

Jews, a strict interpretation of our tradition tells us, are people either born to a Jewish mother--the only parent of whom through much of history one could verify without question--or converted under Jewish law (Halachah). Of course, that Halachah itself has gone through radical interpretation in different places at different times is often and easily overlooked by the day's penchant for sweeping fundamentalism from the left to the right.

The Conservative movement sticks to a broader interpretation of Halachah, but still insists on formal conversion or one's mother [being Jewish].

Meanwhile, back in the early 1980s the Reform movement spun--some would say spurned--Halachah on its head by declaring a Jew one who was the child of either a Jewish man or woman. Often forgotten is the insistence that the child be raised in a Jewish home.

Thus, we have this bizarre situation: One can be born a female gentile, marry a Jew and have a strictly Jewish home--absolutely kosher, kids in Jewish schools and parents active in Jewish communal affairs--and be given no Jewish status. My friend's wife, born a Roman Catholic and unwilling to formally discard that definition that defines her personal and family history, understands the dilemma all too well.

And she is, without question, a member of the Jewish community.

And lest some cry that Messianics will exploit such designations, remember this: Jesus might have been a nice guy, even a holy dude. For certain a Jew. But even clearer still: Those who believe him God, son of God or some combination do have a label: Christians. They should have enough confidence in their faith to not sully its meaning.

All of this has been the fodder of countless sermons here, political battles and much angst and anger all around.

For certain, as we fight our important albeit maddening battles of "Who is a Jew?"--best once described as "Who is a Rabbi?"--we must rewrite the language of such internal conflict. After all, our tradition so powerfully instructs that words can actually murder.

But is there a difference between being a member of the Jewish community and a Jew? Well, it all depends on who you ask. Thus, we are entitled to keep stoking the fires of our theological arguments, but must not let them get in the way of promoting k'lal Yisrael, loosely translated as "the greater Jewish people."

All this will call for some changes in actions, ones that can only be instituted by our religious leaders.

We can, dare I say it, invite Jews who think differently in religious terms--albeit seriously--to our synagogues. When we don't have the courage to do so publicly, we can do it privately. It is not about authenticating one another. It is about learning about other people who share our passions and concerns.

And if one's perspective cannot withstand either the realities of our tradition or modernity's new, irrevocable challenges, then we--not the older definitions--must change.

Mind you, often Orthodoxy as an entity is slandered for not allowing non-Orthodox rabbis and leaders to participate in their ritual services. In addition to often being untrue, this negates the nastiness I've heard from non-Orthodox expressed toward traditionalists.

Keeping one's balance in this waltz of civility is not so simple. As one who often dances between the camps, I know the steps all too well.

"We Are One" went the pleasant old United Jewish Appeals slogan. We're not; we never were. But indeed we are all members of the Jewish community.