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The Gift of God: How My Relationship with My Daughter Led Me to Religious Observance

When I became pregnant with Ariel, my first-born child, I said, "She is a gift from God." Little did I know she would give me the gift of God in the form of a new-found love for and practice of Judaism.

During the first few years of my interfaith marriage, I was anything but a practicing or observant Jew. Although my husband Ron was raised as a Southern Baptist, he had long ago become a non-practicing generic Christian raising his children from a previous marriage in the same manner. They celebrated Christmas and Easter but never attended church. I introduced Ron and his children to the celebration of Hanukkah, and he accompanied me to the first evening service celebrating Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and Yom Kippur, the Day of Repentance. During that period, Ron and I were more focused on spirituality than on religion, and our religious observance consisted of occasional attendance at an inspirational (not religious) Sunday morning service held at a "new age-y," non-denominational Unity church.

Our focus, however, changed when Ariel was born, and we began thinking about how we wanted to raise our children. We knew we wanted her to have some religious education that, at the least, included study of the Old Testament. We wanted our children to grow up with a belief in God, a sense of the sacred and the spiritual and the ability to answer the question, "What religion are you?"

Ron was not interested in the fire and brimstone of his religion of birth, nor was he interested in Christianity in general. He liked the non-denominational Unity Church, but we both agreed that we wanted the kids to be affiliated with a major religion. He liked the fact that Judaism stressed being a good person, a mensch, more than anything else. I felt most comfortable with Judaism, and through my studies of mystical traditions in general, had discovered that Judaism encompassed some of the broader spiritual concepts I had come to believe. So, we decided to bring our children up as Jews.

That decision made, Ron and I had to agree on what bringing them up Jewish entailed. As a child, Ron had attended church a minimum of three times each week. He didn't understand how a Jew could say he or she was Jewish but never go to Sabbath services. Raised as a Reform Jew, I didn't have any problem with this idea. I couldn't remember attending a Shabbat (Sabbath) service as a child. I was willing to compromise, and we joined a synagogue and began attending Shabbat services on a regular basis.

The Reform temple we joined was renting space twice a month in a church. Thus, we attended Friday night Shabbat services on those weeks, and I began "making shabbos (Yiddish word for Sabbath) every Friday. I would make this dinner the nicest of the week and also bake challah (a fluffy bread traditionally used when celebrating the Sabbath). We would light candles and recite the blessings before eating.

My stepchildren, who were then teenagers and lived with us full time, didn't often join us in our Shabbat celebrations. My stepdaughter had become a practicing Presbyterian and was having some difficulty reconciling our religious affiliation with her Christian belief system. My stepson still felt like a Christian, but was not as involved religiously. Although they didn't avoid being home on Friday nights, they often were busy with friends and activities. When they were home, however, their presence at the Shabbat table sometimes made our observance feel a bit uncomfortable.

At age four we enrolled Ariel in religious school and the three of us--my husband, our daughter, and myself--began as a family to learn about the Jewish holidays. Ron and I also enrolled in a "Hebrew in a week" class and attended any adult education classes the rabbi offered.

That year, Ron decided he no longer wanted to have a Christmas tree in our home. We had always purchased and decorated the tree several weeks before Christmas so my stepchildren could enjoy it before they went to their mother's house for the actual holiday. Since we put up the tree mostly for them, and they weren't home for more than a week to enjoy it, we decided to make Christmas a holiday celebrated with my non-Jewish in-laws. From that year onward, we traveled to their home for Christmas celebrations, and my stepchildren continued celebrating with their mother. That same year, we stopped doing an Easter egg hunt at our home as well.

Two years later, we moved to a new city, joined another temple, and enrolled both Ariel and Julian, our three-year-old son, in religious school. Ron and I continued to go to adult education classes and enrolled in an Anshai Torah (People of the Torah) class. This class taught us enough Hebrew to read Torah, as well as teaching us to daven (pray) and to understand and follow Kabbalat Shabbat (Friday night Shabbat), Shacharit (Saturday morning Shabbat) and Mincha (Saturday afternoon Shabbat) services. We attended Friday night services an average of three times a month.

Although my stepdaughter was in college, she asked for a Jewish star to wear on the same chain upon which hung her cross. She also asked for a small menorah to light during Hanukkah. My stepson, now a high-school student, joined us occasionally for Shabbat dinner--mostly because the menu was better than during the week. He also participated in our first night of Hanukkah celebration.

During this time, our observance as a family grew. We put mezuzot (plural of mezuzah, a vessel containing the handwritten text of the Shema prayer) on our doors, increased our High Holy Day observance to include all of both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, and learned the correct way to light the Hanukkah candles and chant the blessings. We built a sukkah (wooden hut built to celebrate Sukkot), decorated it and ate in it. We hosted a Tu Bishvat and a Passover seder. We attended services for Shavuot, Purim, Sukkot, and Yom Hashoah. When home for Shabbat, we discussed that week's Torah portion with the children. The children enjoyed attending services (both adult and family) on Friday night, and my son would even complain some weeks when we decided to observe at home rather than at the synagogue.

Today, not only can my biological children answer the question, "What religion are you," but my stepchildren also feel a close tie to Judaism. After conducting himself as a practicing Reform Jew for approximately five years, Ron converted. As for me, when I reply, "I am Jewish," I don't just mean that I was born into a Jewish family. I am Jewish in practice, but I might not have been had I not been given the gift of motherhood.

Hebrew for "Head of the Year," the Jewish New Year. With Yom Kippur, known as the High Holy Days. One of 54 sections of the Torah read, during Shabbat services, in order on a weekly basis throughout the year. Hebrew for "15th of [the month of] Shevat," both a date and the name of a holiday celebrated on that date. A holiday that falls in January or February, it's the New Year for trees. Hebrew for "Day of Atonement," the final of ten Days of Awe that begin with Rosh Hashanah. Occurs during the fall and is marked by a 24-hour fast. One of the most important Jewish holidays. Derived from the Greek word for "assembly," a Jewish house of prayer. Synagogue refers to both the room where prayer services are held and the building where it occurs. In Yiddish, "shul." Reform synagogues are often called "temple." Hanukkah (known by many spellings) is an eight-day Jewish holiday commemorating the rededication of the Second Temple in Jerusalem at the time of the Maccabean Revolt of the 2nd Century BCE. It is marked by the lighting of a menorah and the eating of fried foods. The spring holiday commemorating the Exodus of the Jews from slavery in Egypt. The Hebrew name is "Pesach." A bread that comes in a few different varieties; its most common variation is a braided egg bread, though there are water challahs that don't have eggs, and there are whole-wheat challahs which sometimes also don't have eggs. It is customary to being Sabbath and holiday meals by saying blessings and eating challah. Hebrew for "candelabrum" or "lamp," it usually refers to the nine-branched candelabrum that is lit for the holiday of Hanukkah. (A seven-branched candelabrum, a symbol of the ancient Temple in Jerusalem, is a symbol of Judaism and is included in Israel's coat of arms.) Hebrew for "doorpost," it now refers to a small box containing a scroll (of the Hebrew text of the Shema prayer) which is affixed to the doorposts of Jewish homes. Strictly speaking, mezuzah only refers to the scroll itself, not the case in which it's housed. Plural form of "mezuzah" (Hebrew for "doorpost"), it now refers to a small box containing a scroll (of the Hebrew text of the Shema prayer) which is affixed to the doorposts of Jewish homes. Strictly speaking, mezuzah only refers to the scroll itself, not the case in which it's housed. The Jewish Sabbath, from sunset on Friday to nightfall on Saturday. The Jewish Sabbath, from sunset on Friday to nightfall on Saturday. A Summer holiday commemorating the receiving of the Torah on Mount Sinai, it is also known as the Feast of Weeks, as it comes seven weeks after Passover begins. A language, literally meaning "Jewish," once widely used by Ashkenazi communities. It is influenced by German, Hebrew and Slavic languages, and is written with the Hebrew alphabet. It is comparable to the language of many Sephardi communities, Ladino. A language of West Semitic origins, culturally considered to be the language of the Jewish people. Ancient or Classical Hebrew is the language of Jewish prayer or study. Modern Hebrew was developed in the late-19th and early 20th centuries as a revival language; today it is spoken by most Israelis.
Yiddish term for an honorable, decent person, usually means "a person of integrity and honor," someone of good character and a deep sense of what is right. Hebrew for "booth," a temporary hut constructed for use during the week-long Jewish holiday of Sukkot ("booths"). Hebrew for "Booths," it's a fall holiday marking the harvest, like a Jewish Thanksgiving, complete with opportunities for dining and sleeping under the stars. Reform synagogues are often called "temple." "The Temple" refers to either the First Temple, built by King Solomon in 957 BCE in Jerusalem, or the Second Temple, which replaced the First Temple and stood on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem from 516 BCE to 70 CE. The afternoon prayer service. Yiddish for "prayer," it's often used as a verb in English. ("I'm going to daven Saturday morning.") Hebrew for "lots," referring to the lots cast by Haman, the story's antagonist, to determine the date on which to kill the Jewish people. It's a spring holiday commemorating the Jewish people's triumph. The story is told through the biblical Book of Esther; the namesake heroine, a Jewish woman, marries the Persian king. Their interfaith relationship is central to the story. Hebrew for "my master," the term refers to a spiritual leader and teacher of Torah. Often, but not always, a rabbi is the leader of a synagogue congregation. Hebrew for "order," refers to the traditional course of events, or service, surrounding the Passover and Tu Bishvat meals. Hebrew for "hear," the first word and name of the central Jewish prayer and statement of faith. The first five books of the Hebrew Bible (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy), or the scroll that contains them.
Nina Amir Lacey

Nina Amir Lacey is a freelance journalist, nonfiction editor and the author of several booklets about practical spirituality, human potential and personal growth from Jewish perspective. She sees herself as an "everywoman" and her work as crossing religious and spiritual lines. She also serves as the spirituality and holiday expert on Conversations with Ms. Claus, a weekly podcast downloaded by 85,000 listeners each month in 90 different countries and offered on You can learn more about Nina at Pure Spirit Creations.

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