August 26, 2011
Before my husband and I began trying to conceive our first child, I thought I had this whole interfaith deal figured out. After all, I'd spent nearly ten years living in a Jewish household, ten years celebrating Jewish holidays and ten years in interfaith dialogue, making decisions to fall back on. But when I saw those two pink lines staring back at me on that early Saturday morning, I realized my ten years of preparation might not necessarily apply to my son.
As every mother knows, when a child comes into your life it forever and irrevocably changes you. I became a mother when I found out I was pregnant. Both my worries and dreams for my child were limitless. And as we started planning our son's religious path, from brit milah to bar mitzvah and beyond, emotions and decisions I thought were cemented suddenly began to fracture. Don't get me wrong. I am still firmly committed to raising this child and any future children in the Jewish faith. That decision has not wavered. But doubts and questions about the process and the journey have seeped into those ever widening cracks.
From specially inserted lines during the bris to indicate that this baby is not quite yet a Jew, to his conversion in the mikvah, to the specially added readings for a converted baby to affirm his conversion at his bar mitzvah, I find myself fearing for my child's spiritual journey. I fear the decisions we have made as an interfaith couple will hinder him at best.
We have committed to raising our son in a Jewish home, teaching him Hebrew, visiting Israel, attending synagogue and celebrating only the Jewish holidays. He will continually be reminded, however, that he won't ever really be Jewish because his mother isn't Jewish. After all the hoop jumping, will he always have one more step, one more hurdle, one more person to convince, to prove himself a real Jew?
Questions swirl. Will we choose the "right" rabbi to perform the conversion? Will he be Jewish enough for our Orthodox family? Will he feel ostracized in his Jewish community? Will his non-Jewish mother and grandparents be recognized during his lifecycle events as a vital and integral part of his spiritual upbringing?
As his mother, I pray for him every night. I pray he grows healthy and strong. I pray he finds the right path in his faith. I pray I plant the seeds for him to build a beautiful relationship with G-d. I pray he will not be excluded by his community or his family for my choices. I pray he finds peace and fulfillment in Judaism. I pray he appreciates Israel as G-d's gift to the Jewish people. I pray he finds someone to share love and happiness in his life.
I imagine a Jewish woman's prayers for her child aren't any different.