Article Discussion: Can You Call It Interdating When Your Partner is Agnostic

[admin]

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[Unregistered]

I think you could try introducing the concept to your husband without the religious connotations, no?  What about:  "I'm going to light these candles so we can enjoy a simple shared moment of calm & gratitude." I have a very religious mother & have learned that sometimes it's about just avoiding the buzz-words... Best of luck!

[Unregistered]

Your relationship reminds me of my marriage.  It's great when two people can live and let live without imposing their beliefs on one another , but it does get lonely when the partners do not share some of the things that are most important to them.  Throw kids into ther mix, and it's that much harder.  Saturday is when my sons and I go to synagogue and my husband mows the lawn.  There are times that we all wish the whole family could be on the same page.

[Unregistered]

I too light Sabbath candles alone sometimes, but often for go that. I'm a 22 year old college male at a Baptist school studying religion. I wonder what will happen if I ever date a non-Jewish woman and how Jewish practice (I come from a religiously Christian, ethnically mixed, including Sephardic Jewish, background) will play into my life.

[Ada]

Thank you for this post. You have described a very interesting and persistent problem in a very sensitive and understanding way. I appreciate your attention to this experience.

[regi]

A couple of thoughts - one, you should realize that you could have the same issue with a man of another faith, or actually with a Jew. As in, while Shabbat candles  represents something peaceful and beautiful to you, they may not represent that to someone else, even if that someone else is Jewish. Don't be afraid to be who you are just because your partner at the moment doesn't choose to share that. Second, while my non-Jewish bf has no issues with my lighting the candles, to me they are sometimes associated with my fully Jewish and secular family thinking I am a crazy religious lunatic for wanting to light them. So even to us Jews these candles may not necessarily represent peace. So, think of the bigger issue and that should lead to a solution.

[regi]

A couple of thoughts - one, you should realize that you could have the same issue with a man of another faith, or actually with a Jew. As in, while Shabbat candles  represents something peaceful and beautiful to you, they may not represent that to someone else, even if that someone else is Jewish. Don't be afraid to be who you are just because your partner at the moment doesn't choose to share that. Second, while my non-Jewish bf has no issues with my lighting the candles, to me they are sometimes associated with my fully Jewish and secular family thinking I am a crazy religious lunatic for wanting to light them. So even to us Jews these candles may not necessarily represent peace. So, think of the bigger issue and that should lead to a solution.

[Karen B]

I have a somewhat similar experience.  My husband is an atheist, who celebrated a purely secular Christmas and Easter (aka - Santa and bunnies) as a kid.  I too observe my Judaism without him.  My husband comes to services in which our kids participate, much as he goes to a baseball game in which they are playing.  But most weeks it's just me and the kids.  Sundays are sleeping in for him, religious school for the kids and me.  He stays home with the kids a night a week or so, as I go to a Board meeting, book club or women's group event, etc.  At times it's lonely.  I sometimes wish he could appreciate how faith and religious traditions shape me. But he doesn't even have a frame of reference.  Having kids does help - it gives me somebody to be Jewish/religious *with*.  In other ways it's easier - no competing faiths to reconcile, it's just mine.  But it is a unique challenge.

[Michelle]

Jannon,  Thank you for this post.  I started dating a Jewish man. I am agnostic, but am interested in sharing his tradition with him, because I am interested in knowing and appreciating who he is... That is to say, who he is in totality. His faith is a part of who he is.
I haven't known how to approach this with him but your article has given me some idea about how to venture into the conversation.  So again I say...thank you!  And, Happy Passover.

[tomliketom]

 Thank you for this post.  I started dating a Jewish man. I am agnostic, but am interested in sharing his tradition with him, because I am interested in knowing and appreciating who he is... That is to say, who he is in totality. His faith is a part of who he is.