Arguement

[Tclynch]

 Ok, so I have been working on converting for about 9 months now. I have read many books, been to many meetings at the synagogue, attended Friday nights, Saturday Torah studies (when I can) and I do enjoy them and have been really emotionally touched by Judaism.
 I was hesitant to tell my Conservative Jewish girlfriend that I had decided to convert (to Reform, btw) as I did not want her to think I was doing it for her. I am not. I don't really have much of a religious background, but the more I read and went the more I felt comfortable and had meaning to me.
 So, tonight she starts asking me about God. What do I think, is there only ONE God. Well, I tell her that I don't know what God is or isn't. that I DO think there is a God but that struggle with the rest of it, with what my idea of God is. Then she says that she thinks that Judaism isn't for me.
 Really upsets me (so much that I here writing about it). I am not the most well read or smartest person, but I don't think my struggling with God and trying to make some sense of it makes me not Jewish. I have read Spinoza, Buber and others and I feel Judaism, more than some other religions, welcomes questioning and reasoning.
 Advice? Honestly, I am to the point where I want to just say to her. Leave me alone about this. I want to convert and I'm sorry that you don't think I am Jewish enough.

[Benjamin Maron]

Tclynch,

Sorry to hear you're upset. Only you can determine your relationship with God, including how you conceive of, or understand, God. And you're right: Judaism not only welcomes questioning and reasoning but encourages it. There are plenty of Jews (by birth and by choice) who struggle to understand God; why should your girlfriend expect you to be any different? So long as you are comfortable with this struggle, and the rabbi overseeing your conversion is as well, that should be good enough for you - and your girlfriend.

good luck,
Benjamin