Article Discussion: How to Pay A Shiva Call

[Unregistered]

What is appropriate to write in a card if we cannot attend?   Also, I have a religious sympathy card that only mentions GOD (not Jesus) which I would think is acceptable correct?

[Unregistered]

Rabbi, Thank you for your article. It has been very helpful in educating me as to all of the symbols and the reasons why things are done a certain way. It also helps to aleviate any misunderstandings as you mentioned in your article.
The person I am going to see lost her son and she WANTS a celebration of his life with talk and laughter.
Others may find solace in something more subdued.

[Unregistered]

I think I can go now that I have read this article.  I believe I have the necessary basics to be able to give my friend who is Jewish what she needs from me....my company and friendship.  

[Unregistered]

I'm grateful for this clear, concise description. It leaves me better prepared to extend my heart's desire -- to support my friends through their loss.

[Unregistered]

Thank you so much for this clear article.  My husband is a Protestant minister and tho I have had the privilige of sharing in many services with our Jewish friends, have never visited where someone was sitting Shiva.  I just wanted to be sure I did nothing offensive, but my good theology and experiences with years of Protestant Wakes stands me well and I would not have done anything offensive to my friends.  It was very helpful to read the thoughts about how to respectfully share this hard time with friends I love very much.

[Unregistered]

The only thing I would add here would be the following;
Flowers, are not brought to a shiva call nor the cemetery because flowers are viewed as a lovely reminder ( in this world ) of rebirth and renewal. The fragrance of the flowers are supposed to remind us of the sweetness of such instances. When one passes on to the next life, they are not able to indulge in these things we see as small. Its more about the visitor visiting with the mourners, being there, even in silence. Because, everyone knows, even in silence a friend is there for you.

[Leandra]

this was very interesting to read. I do have one question: if one looses a parent, and you've set your weddingdate 2 months after the burial (weddingdate already set before the death of the parent) and you're orthodox, can you still get married or do you have to wait until after the 11 months grieving? I am just curious about this, I'm not Jewish myself, but am very interested in it.
Thanks in advance for your help!

[Benjamin Maron]

Leandra,

Most halakhic authorities (those who interpret Jewish law), including those in Orthodox communities, would say that the wedding is permissible provided it's after shloshim (the first 30 days of mourning). Exceptions permitting weddings within the first 30 days are regularly granted within Orthodox (and other Jewish denominations) communities as well.

[Unregistered]

Hi Mr. Maron,
thank you for your answer! I've always been interested in Judaism and was wondering how people handle those kind of situations, because, and I don't mean this disrespectful, 11 months is a long time and a lot can happen during that time. I do believe the Jewish laws about grieving are giving the grieving families a much better "oppertunity" to grief as we Christians do (I'm a Christian), where you are supposed to "go on with your life" after the funeral