Article Discussion: Our Wedding A Personalized Jewish-Catholic Interfaith Ceremony

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Click here to read the article:Our Wedding A Personalized Jewish-Catholic Interfaith Ceremony

[Unregistered]

Thank you so much for this article.  It is truly inspiring for those seeking to have an interfaith marriage.  Congratulations to you and your husband.

[Unregistered]

Thanks, it is really nice to know that this kind of marriage is possible. That is a difficult topic.

[Kim McNamara]

Thank you so much for this! My Jewish fiancee and I (Roman Catholic) just got engaged and are now starting to research how to incorporate both of our religions into our wedding. My cousin; a Lutheran Deacon, has agreed to marry us and incorporate both of our religions. We are now trying to decide how to do this! Any advice would so be appreciated. Thank you & Congratulations to you and your husband!

[Unregistered]

Dear Jenny, Thank you so much for sharing this article. I am a Roman Catholic marrying a Jewish man and we are having a family friend (a judge) marry us. I had been feeling badly about not being married by a Priest as I am religious. But my fiance really preferred a non-denominational ceremony due to our different backgrounds. Something you said in your article was so important and will stick with me, which is that in any wedding the bride and groom's love for and commitment to each other are  more important than any logistics of the wedding itself. Thank you for sharing your experience!

[Unregistered]

My fiancee (Catholic) and I (Jewish) are having a priest and a rabbi present at our ceremony.  We want to celebrate both cultures and are trying to figure it out.  My fiance wants to incorporate the mass and communion part in our ceremony, and I feel the liturgy traditionally used with a blessing from the old testament and one from the new testament would work.  She feels if we skip the communion and actual mass, we are not truly celebrating her religion.  This is despite the fact that the site is in the Catholic Church, and all we're trying to do to combine the two.  Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks.

[Debbie B.]

* I am adding this note that this reply is only in response to the poster above on May 6, 2010.
This response is not in any way related to the article that started this topic. I think the ceremony described in the article by Jenny sounds like it was beautiful and meaningful, and was successful in making everyone reasonably happy.
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To the poster of May 6:

Have you asked the priest if this is even possible? I was under the impression that a proper Catholic wedding with communion and mass can only be done if both people are Catholic. If it can't happen then the idea is moot anyway.

Clearly, you as a Jew cannot take communion, so I have to wonder if your fiance truly understands what it will mean to be married to someone who is not Catholic. Have you sat down and discussed what you each expect to do religiously and expect of the other and of any future children?  If not, now is the time, not after marriage. Do not expect that love will conquer all.

[IRIS]

Jenny thank you for such a beautiful article!!!  I'm a student and was doing some research on Interfaith Marriage Ceremonies; that's how I came across your article.  It is absolutely beautiful because you demonstrate that to you, the FAITH aspect for your future life is more important than how the wedding day looks.
Congratulations and blessings to you and your husband on your future life together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  


attention DEBBIE B.:  
YOU ARE A PESSIMIST AND IF YOU'RE CONSIDERING AN INTERFAITH MARRIAGE, THEN YOU!!! GO OUT AND ASK THOSE QUESTIONS FOR YOUR OWN FUTURE.  

LOVE DOES CONQUER ALL!!!!!!!!
WHEN  "ALL"  IS NOT CONQUERED, THERE WAS NO LOVE TO BEGIN WITH!!!

[Unregistered]

also for Debbie B.:

If you're a Catholic-Shame on you for not knowing your faith!!!!!!! For not knowing what can and can't be done, and how it can or can't be done as well.
If you're not a Catholic - I strongly recommend that before you butt-in to make a comment such a the one you made, you should do some research into what can and can't be done, and into when things can and can't be done as well...
in the eyes of readers who are well-educated in their faiths, all you did with yoir comment is make a fool of yourself.....JENNY SEEMS TO BE A WOMAN WELL-EDUCATED IN HER AND IN HER HUSBAND'S FAITH!!!!!!!

[Debbie B.]

To the poster(s) who is (are) angry at me:
I was not replying to Jenny, the author of the article. Sorry if I did not make that clear. I was responding to the poster of the May 6 response right above mine.

Perhaps it will also put my reply into perspective that I am writing as a Jew by Choice who was never a Catholic. I did not say that I knew anything for sure about Catholicism. I also don't know if opinions might vary from priest to priest as is the case for rabbis. That's why I said to ask the priest.

I myself was intermarried for 22 years before I chose to convert thus creating a unified Jewish family. I am not a pessimist. I am a realist who knows that differences in background can create marital problems no matter how much a couple loves each other. Iris, if you read more of the stories on this website, you will see that although there are many happy stories, there are many difficulties as well. I do not think it is fair for you to essentially blame a couple for not loving each other enough if they find they have incompatible religious needs.

I did not suggest that a couple talk about religious differences and plans for a married life to break up their relationship, but rather to ensure that they go into the relationship really understanding the other person's expectations and what they can or cannot do religiously whether from actual religious prohibition or merely what makes them happy or uncomfortable. It is not a matter of understanding the faiths; the fact is that every individual regardless of religious background has their ideas of what is really important to them, what things they can compromise on and what things they feel are an intrinsic part of who they are and may be nearly impossible to "give up". I think that it is important for couples to really understand those aspects of their partner.

All relationships require some give and take. In my marriage of almost 23 years, my husband and I have also changed in our religious needs, so we have had to re-adjust how we make religious choices to address our own and our spouses preferences and needs. Talking things over does not mean that you are pessimistic; we discuss issues so that we can do things to maximize the happiness of both partners.

I think the poster(s) who are angry at me are reacting to the fact that I do in fact see things from a Jewish viewpoint. I don't feel I have to apologize for that. I don't know why anyone would think I was Catholic when I was expressing views about the Jewish aspects of the situation. (Perhaps it is because you don't expect that someone who looks Chinese might be Jewish?) I lived a Jewish life for over 2 decades even before I converted. I am not "butting in"---I am giving advice that was supportive of the Jewish anonymous poster of May 6 who asked for advice. I have no way to evaluate any information on any Catholic ritual so it is silly for me to do "research" that is better done by the couple themselves who know all the details of their situation. I stand by my statement that it is definitely prohibited religiously for a Jew to take communion. A Jew could of course choose to do it nevertheless, but it would be considered a severe transgression.

[Unregistered]

Jenny,
I am currently in the process of planning my wedding and am doing many of the things you mentioned (including the 7 blessings, I am so excited you did that and it worked).  Is there any way that you could share your program? I'm curious to know how you explained some of the things you did.  Thank you!

[Unregistered]

Thank you so much for this. Me and the love of my life have been thinking about getting married for the longest time and it's been so hard to make things final with him being Jewish and me Catholic. We almost called the whole idea off until i found this so thank you so much for saving my marrige. You're an amazing woman and i can't thank you enough.

[Diane]

My fiancee (Catholic) and I (Jewish) are having a priest and a rabbi present at our ceremony.  We want to celebrate both cultures and are trying to figure it out.  My fiance wants to incorporate the mass and communion part in our ceremony, and I feel the liturgy traditionally used with a blessing from the old testament and one from the new testament would work.  She feels if we skip the communion and actual mass, we are not truly celebrating her religion.  This is despite the fact that the site is in the Catholic Church, and all we're trying to do to combine the two.  Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks.

I am curious to know how you were able to find a Rabbi that is prepared to co- officiate. I know someone who is looking for a Rabbi her fiance is Catholic and they have a Priest who will do the ceremony but she has not found a Rabbi. Any help would be appreciated.

[Unregistered]

Thank you very much for your story, I enjoyed it and I think it's a helpful resource. If you don't mind sharing, I was wondering who signed the ketubah?

[Corcoran]

The recommended interfaith book is very useful; I'm using it now for my own impending wedding.  There are a LOT of challenges, especially if one of the parts are deeply religious.  Keep in mind some people may not tolerate an interfaith ceremony; they may even find it blasphemous.  I'm having a hard time with my future mil; she's allergic to crosses.  I had a hard time dealing with the name of Jesus not being mentioned in the ceremony, like he's not invited to the wedding.  There is still a lot we have to sort out, and this type of thing is better done earlier than later.  All you folks who even know what you're getting into may be surprised; it's best to know what is truly most important to you, and what is just icing on the cake.