In Defense of Being Both at the Lunch Table

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By Jacob Weis

Kids at the school cafeteriaBeing raised interfaith (as I was, truly, with both Jewish and Catholic traditions and holidays) and observing two religions will inevitably lead to some confrontation with others. For me, the first time this happened was in elementary school, at the lunch table.

For some reason, the kids that I have seen talk about religion other than around holidays or in passing have been Jews. For better or worse, I have noticed that there can be an air of exclusivity amongst some Jewish people—even in young children. Surely this exclusivity can be part of the reason that the Jewish people remain alive and well as a culture and religion, but it can also be to our detriment.

As I sat across from a kid who seemed to be the elementary school dictionary of all things Jewish, it appeared the attention at the table was all his. I don’t remember how it all came up and I don’t know how it came back around to me but all of the sudden he called me in for questioning: “Is your mom or your dad Jewish?” he asked with his head cocked to the side, and a bit of a bobble to it. I answered him, and finished with, “But I am half-Jewish.” He looked smug. “That means that you’re Jewish. You can’t be both.” He said this with a professorial smirk.

I know he sounds a little devilish for an elementary school kid, but he was just proud of where he came from and of the knowledge he had acquired. If it helps to imagine him spewing crumbs of a peanut butter sandwich out of his mouth as he talks, then I recommend that you do that. I always do, and it helps diffuse the bits of white hot childhood rage that I still have left from the incident.

No matter how hard I tried to convince him of my dual faith identity he just came back with smart remarks. The whole table was on his side, and now they were laying into me too. Even the Rice Krispy treat that my mom packed me that day wasn’t going to cheer me up after that.

When I came home from school that day it turned out my parents had the same reaction I did. “How dare that child tell my child who he is or isn’t.” They essentially told me to not engage with him anymore. So I did exactly that, and he and I never really had any problems after that. The four other lunch tables were more than welcoming. To this day, he is still the same little know-it-all that I remember, and we are able to respectfully disagree without any mention of the old incident. In fact, I should thank him. This first confrontation prepared me for the many more to come in my life.

A message to parents who plan on raising their kids in more than one religion: Your child will not come out of this situation unscathed. But the emotional scars that come from it will heal and lead to a strong sense in character and identity. Without this instance and a handful of others, who knows where my tolerance level would be for people who don’t accept my Judaism. Not to mention, there are beautiful things that can come from being interfaith.



2 thoughts on “In Defense of Being Both at the Lunch Table”

  • I love the way you have shared your story! As the mother of three interfaith children I think I will make sure to have the “rice crispy treat” in the lunch box, just in case! We are members of The Family School of Chicago, an interfaith Sunday school that has been around for over 20 years. Your story is the shared experience of all our students. Happily for them they have the support of the Family School community to strengthen the truth that they are better than ok being an interfaith kid! For more on the Family School visit our website at http://www.the-family-school.org.

  • Thank you for telling your story, with humor and insight. But interfaith children are going to have to defend their identities, no matter how we are raised. If you’re raised Jewish with the name Monahan, lunchtime bullies will challenge your Jewish identity. If you are raised Christian with the name Cohen, lunchtime bullies will call you a Jew and you will have to stand up for Judaism. All of these experiences, as you point out, can make you stronger. For more on raising children with both religions, go to onbeingboth.com,

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